Messages By: anne124

I believe Sanjay is not thinking this entire relationship through... This girl is a child.  She does not have the capacity to make life long decisions yet.  One day, when she grows up to full womanhood she may resent Sanjay for choosing her only so he can mold her into the woman he "wants" her to be.  He should be looking for a woman more mentally compatible which could fulfill a balanced, healthy, and mentally stimulating bond with him.  He's still not over the loss of his wife, so I'm not sure why he's really plunging into the dating seen yet.  The pictures of his wife that passed should be ready to be put away for keepsake, before beginning your quest to find another "soulmate" again.  Don't base the unwillingness of that 41 year old woman not willing to receive gifts graciously, with ALL older women.  Many women would love to be pampered and given lavish things. :)  If the women in your area are too superficial, then go ahead and relocate your attentions on a different region.  Just DON'TTTTT marry such a young girl that would be going straight from "daddy's" home to "HUBBY DADDY's" home.  You guys both deserve so much more than that.  Daddy relationships are no good.  Hoping you hear this...    Take care,  Anne

Orlena is married to a WONDERFUL man, Brent.   But unfortunately, I don't think she realizes it because her heart still belongs to Chad.  I'm not sure I agree with what Dr. Phil suggested as a solution.  Life is so short, and Orlena should be with the one man that she is truly in love with.  She will lose a greattttttttttt guy, and perhaps she will find out she made another mistake by leaving Brent also, if in fact Chad is not as sweet on her once they reunit.  But life is about choices and taking chances.  She can't live with regrets of  "what could have been" with Chad.  It's not fair to Brent.  She'd be wasting Brent's time in life, since she's made it clear who she loves more.  Orlena was not even fully present at their wedding ceremony.  Seems as though she has emotionally checked out with her relationship with Brent, the same way Chad checked out with Orlena after returning from Iraq.  Brent should know, whatever her decision is, he is better off finding a woman that soley loves him and is not torn between two.  Brent WILL find true love even if Orlena goes back to Chad.  Her decision has everything to do with her heart and feelings, and nothing to do with who is the better man of the two.  It was unfortunate that Orlena dove into a new relationship before she emotionally closed her previous one...Brents heart could have been spared the grief then.  I wish them all the best, and hope that the wisest decision is made.  It's a complicated circumstance to be placed in....but Orlena needs to follow her hearts love in order to be truly happy....and whatever happens...happens.   Chad was not the only casualty of war....so was Brent. :(      Take care.... Anne in Michigan

   You might want to check with your family doctor.  Having 4 kids, starting at the age of 20, it's possible you might be experiencing post partum depression.  If you are crying a lot or non-stop, and thinking of running away often, your brain could be a bit "off" bio-chemically. Please look into that as well.  Dr. Phil is right, you need to take care of you first, so that your kids can have a happy Mom.  4 kids IS chaos, no doubt about it.  But with scheduling your kids time for: chores, fun with you (board games, going to parks with them, picnics, biking), play time with their Dad, etc..... it can be more "organized chaos".  Good luck to you.  Join a mom's group also.  Knowing your not alone in ur overwhelmed feelings is key.  Put a chart up to schedule all your kids daily routines and activities, and I think you'll see things MUCH brighter.  If kids are fighting too much, running around, jumping on furniture...pretty much they are telling PARENTS they are BORED!, and need creative outlets.  Your kids are your blessings from God, so cherish every moment with them (they fly the nest sooner than you can imagine).  Take care,  Andrea :) 

  It was as if I was sitting up there and not Shani.  Same circumstances, different person.  I understand the feelings of abandonment she has felt from her husband, the distance you are experiencing in your relationship with him is much like my own.  You could be in Australia, for all he seemed to care..or notice you.  As I have, I think Shani feels a lot of resentment to her husband now...for having essentially neglected her for all this time.  I also feel that there is a womans "middle life crisis" going on here...that most consider to be a "man's" issue.  But also effects most women.

  Shani, you have a wonderful life.  Three absolutely GORGEOUS boys, that are healthy...and you should want them to remain stable and happy too.  Your husband needs to change most definitely.  But I see a lot of potential in your marriage.  One that can last.  So please..don't give up on it just yet.  You don't need a new boyfriend to make you feel wanted, sexy, and special.  But your husband and you DO NEED a couples "MAKE-OVER"!!!!!  :)  You have a very handsome husband, one you might be surprised to find is attractive and even sexy to others.  He's fighting for you, Shani!!! No matter how you spin it, that ISSSS a sexy quality!  So hold on to him, Shani! With deep and intimate counceling sections you can begin to understand why the resentment built up, find understanding in the communication that broke down between the both of you, restructure your life so that you and Jason get what you want and need from each other, find your sexy self, and intimacy with your HUSBAND again.  Find one of those "tantric" couples classes that Sting and his wife recommend highly.  That will get the flames burning once more,...but only after your resolved your anger over his not being there for you emotionally.

  If you want to spice up your life, have your husband go get a new cool hair cut...something spikey and modern.  Update his clothes, make dinner and movie dates together (no kids), have fun with the life you already have invested in!  Put your past affair behind you, and concentrate on the goals you want for your current family.  You will never regret it, but you might heavily regret leaving your kids for a man that could just as easily trade you in for a new model someday.  I wish you and your family all the best of wishes, Shani.  Allow your husband a 2nd chance to show you he can work on better communicating with you and be a better lover.  Sometimes after having 3 kids, who we are gets lost in the everyday routine of life.  Take a romantic trip with your husband, go dancing....or if all else fails.... go bungie jumping with your hubby.  That will excite things up!!! :))  Men have trouble communicating, and understanding how we feel....so express your desires to him.  And I'm sure things will soon turn in a good direction for you two.  Take great care, Shani and Jason.     ~Anne

Run don't walk Tammy!!....Dr. Phil was trying to spell it out LOUD AND CLEAR.  Paul is not a good liar, it's very clear.  You are a beautiful woman capable of a SANE relationship.  Paul wants to lie, deceive, manipulate, and womanize with PROSTITUTESSSS!!  Please don't ruin yours and your sons life.  I did not hear whether the kids are Paul's or from another marriage,...but don't let anyyyy man be abusive to you or them.  RUNNNNN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!  You are a sweet, sexy, and a SANE woman (when you get rid of this man!), and you deserve much more.  Your family see's this truth, and wants the best for you.  Trust in Dr. Phil, Tammy.  Paul seems pathological in nature, and scared me as to whether he'd be capable of harming you to get what he wants.  What surprises me most...is that you stayed married to this man for soooo long when he seems so "dysfunctional"!  Start a new life with the help of your loving family and sister...focus on your kids, and work on building your own self esteem to attract a better man into your life.  I wish you the very best, and I pray you don't keep the blindfolds on to what Paul is doing. :( Take good care, Anne