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Messages By: anne124

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February 9, 2007, 8:06 am CST

Are These Couples, ....Couples???? LOOOOOL

I can't believe the pure insanity of these men!  Where have all the "gentlemen" gone to in this world???  First, each of the couples rushed into marriage WAYYYYY to quickly.  That was their first mistake.  That judge today, was right on target with her assessment of the "couples".  These men have NOoooo respect for these women, or for themselves in how they treat a woman.  The first "couple" were acting like they were single, or just roommates.  That is not a marriage!!!!  Didn't labeling eggs as to who's they are get left behind in the good ole' COLLEGE DAYSSSS?? :D  UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.  She is right, he issss way too selfish and also it's obvious he's a cheapskate too.  When you enter into marriage, you love that person and want to give of yourself, not take..take...take.  You both work toward building a secure life with one another.  Things are never 50-50 in marriage.  You can tell the first "couple" have a chemistry for one another.  It could be worked out in my eyes.  But they both seem a bit selfish.  Maybe past marriages have made them both bitter.  So it doesn't sound like they were even ready for marriage again.  If they commited to their love, made plans together on how to tackle financial issues, and stopped adding up what each other owes they might (might) have a chance.  The second "couple".  Hmmmmm..  I'm not sure, he doesn't have a love interest on the side.  Sounds to me like he's already emotionally disconnected to his wife, and just keeping hush hush til he can get her to sign papers so he can walk.  I feel for her.  Nine years of cooking, cleaning, romantic endeavors makes you a partner in his life ANDDD business.  Did he clean any toilets in those nine years??  I think not.  You are entitled to half, so don't sign the life you built with him away!!  Good luck to both women.  Shame on these men!!  After this show, I realized my husbands a real KEEPERRRRRRR! :))
 
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February 9, 2007, 8:17 am CST

RIGHT ON THE "MONEY"!!!

Quote From: thechosenone

Hi everyone,

To my mind any marriage that is based on a contract that anticipates a breakup in advance to protect financial interests is not based on love. That is to say that if you love someone and you believe they love you there is trust and a desire to share everything including the rest of your life and possessions. Love trusts, legal contracts dealing with financial integrity are designed for people without a loving trusting relationship, they are the hallmark of cut-throat profit making business relationships. If a person believes they need a financial contract in a love relationship (marriage) it is always a signal that they don't trust their partner and/or themselves to honour a love relationship - it is not love - love trusts and shares. A person who does not have loving trust for their partner should not marry them, a contract can't produce love and if their is doubt about trusting someone else there is no love and no basis for marriage.

The Chosen One 

COMPLETELY AGREE WITH UR ANALYSIS!!!
 
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February 9, 2007, 3:13 pm CST

Follow What Your Intuition Tells You Leah

.... Dr. Phil felt perhaps Gary was not in love with someone else.  Yet Leah has a gut feeling that there is another woman in her husbands life.  Intuition is meant to tell you something ...so I would suggest to Leah to keep probing and tighten the reins with Gary.  There's no reason your husband should be talking to a woman in the morning and evening hours, even if HE says she's just a "friend".  Something smells very "fishy" to me. Dig deeper.  Confront his "friend" to get to the truth. End his "nightly" calls to this woman.  Leah, you deserve a man who will appreciate you for the value you bring to a relationship.  Don't settle for his "crumbs" as the judge stated today.  Put your foot down Leah, and if he's not willing to cooperate then divorce him and take half of what is rightfully yours!!!!  Does Gary thing the bills get paid by themselves?,  that groceries get delivered?, that the house cleans itself automatically?, ....those women that work in the home add just as much to the quality of life these men experience, as the paycheck the men are bringing home!!!!  I changed 17,000 diapers over the course of many years...don't tell me I didn't WORK in the home!!!  Some men are utterly CLUELESS...and need a role reversal to wake them up!!! 
 
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March 29, 2007, 11:37 am CDT

SANJAY...NEEDS TO BETTER THINK THIS THROUGH...

I believe Sanjay is not thinking this entire relationship through... This girl is a child.  She does not have the capacity to make life long decisions yet.  One day, when she grows up to full womanhood she may resent Sanjay for choosing her only so he can mold her into the woman he "wants" her to be.  He should be looking for a woman more mentally compatible which could fulfill a balanced, healthy, and mentally stimulating bond with him.  He's still not over the loss of his wife, so I'm not sure why he's really plunging into the dating seen yet.  The pictures of his wife that passed should be ready to be put away for keepsake, before beginning your quest to find another "soulmate" again.  Don't base the unwillingness of that 41 year old woman not willing to receive gifts graciously, with ALL older women.  Many women would love to be pampered and given lavish things. :)  If the women in your area are too superficial, then go ahead and relocate your attentions on a different region.  Just DON'TTTTT marry such a young girl that would be going straight from "daddy's" home to "HUBBY DADDY's" home.  You guys both deserve so much more than that.  Daddy relationships are no good.  Hoping you hear this...    Take care,  Anne

 
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May 8, 2007, 7:45 am CDT

Complicated Circumstances...

Orlena is married to a WONDERFUL man, Brent.   But unfortunately, I don't think she realizes it because her heart still belongs to Chad.  I'm not sure I agree with what Dr. Phil suggested as a solution.  Life is so short, and Orlena should be with the one man that she is truly in love with.  She will lose a greattttttttttt guy, and perhaps she will find out she made another mistake by leaving Brent also, if in fact Chad is not as sweet on her once they reunit.  But life is about choices and taking chances.  She can't live with regrets of  "what could have been" with Chad.  It's not fair to Brent.  She'd be wasting Brent's time in life, since she's made it clear who she loves more.  Orlena was not even fully present at their wedding ceremony.  Seems as though she has emotionally checked out with her relationship with Brent, the same way Chad checked out with Orlena after returning from Iraq.  Brent should know, whatever her decision is, he is better off finding a woman that soley loves him and is not torn between two.  Brent WILL find true love even if Orlena goes back to Chad.  Her decision has everything to do with her heart and feelings, and nothing to do with who is the better man of the two.  It was unfortunate that Orlena dove into a new relationship before she emotionally closed her previous one...Brents heart could have been spared the grief then.  I wish them all the best, and hope that the wisest decision is made.  It's a complicated circumstance to be placed in....but Orlena needs to follow her hearts love in order to be truly happy....and whatever happens...happens.   Chad was not the only casualty of war....so was Brent. :(      Take care.... Anne in Michigan

 
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May 8, 2007, 7:58 am CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

Quote From: flthomcat

Very sad that us humans don't have more respect for the covenant of marriage...more respect and love for others, more respect for ourselves and God. The ex-husband doesn't know the meaning of love....if he TRULY loved his ex-wife, he would put her happiness first (he wouldn't have contacted her once she was married to someone else).

 

I had a chance to have an affair with a wonderful, handsome man 17 years ago. I had been married just one year and we were having the NORMAL, usual problems that come with the adjustment of marriage. I was lonely and this great guy was my friend. We both found ourselves with feelings for eachother (STRONG feelings). I ended up with him at a club (after a birthday party for a mutual co-worker) and my husband (who was very trusting) had no clue about my feelings for this man (otherwise, he would have not appreciated me being at the club w/ this guy). At the end of the evening, I gave this guy a ride home. Right before he reached over to kiss me (it would have been our first sign of affection), what went thru my head was this.....

 

...should I cross that line, there's no going back. I would have broken my marriage vows, disrespected my husband, myself and God. I would be involved in a hurtful lie. My spouse did NOT deserve that. I owed him much more than that. The kiss never happened, even though I wanted it (I stopped it).

 

That night changed EVERYTHING....it may have taken a few YEARS to get over my feelings for the guy, but I eventually did it. While doing it, I worked hard on my marriage. Hubby and I sat down and I told him about those feelings. I asked him to work w/ me on making our marriage better and stronger. That was 17 years ago and we have been the best of friends/lovers since!!!!! Our marriage could NOT be better and our two children are the lucky beneficiaries of that union.

 

What we want is not always what is best. We think we "need" things/people, which in reality we don't. We can't always get what we want. In this case, the ex husband is being very selfish. My prayers are with all three of the people involved; may they have open ears and listen to what Dr. Phil tells them. However, it's very difficult to get thru to selfish humans.

Just wanted to say...wonderful post.  So true, and well put. :)
 
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May 8, 2007, 7:31 pm CDT

I TOTALLY AGREE!

Quote From: sparkle67

This woman has a gorgeous husband, who loves and adores her. He is willing to do anything to save his marriage to a woman who doesn't appreciate him at all. Her first husband left her. Common sense he didn't make his marriage a priority with whatever he was going through. If she doesn't want her present husband I'll take him, so would half the women in America lookig for a good man. He has the best lips I've ever seen!
Brent was a COMPLETE "HOTTIE", and WOW...whatttttttttt lips!  ;)  He won't have one problem getting back in the game...when he's ready to.  Every single woman in America is looking for this terrific man!!!!!!!  Guess we all found him!  LOL
 
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March 25, 2008, 7:23 am CDT

To:

   You might want to check with your family doctor.  Having 4 kids, starting at the age of 20, it's possible you might be experiencing post partum depression.  If you are crying a lot or non-stop, and thinking of running away often, your brain could be a bit "off" bio-chemically. Please look into that as well.  Dr. Phil is right, you need to take care of you first, so that your kids can have a happy Mom.  4 kids IS chaos, no doubt about it.  But with scheduling your kids time for: chores, fun with you (board games, going to parks with them, picnics, biking), play time with their Dad, etc..... it can be more "organized chaos".  Good luck to you.  Join a mom's group also.  Knowing your not alone in ur overwhelmed feelings is key.  Put a chart up to schedule all your kids daily routines and activities, and I think you'll see things MUCH brighter.  If kids are fighting too much, running around, jumping on furniture...pretty much they are telling PARENTS they are BORED!, and need creative outlets.  Your kids are your blessings from God, so cherish every moment with them (they fly the nest sooner than you can imagine).  Take care,  Andrea :) 

 
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May 8, 2008, 9:13 am CDT

SAW MYSELF IN SHANI TODAY...

  It was as if I was sitting up there and not Shani.  Same circumstances, different person.  I understand the feelings of abandonment she has felt from her husband, the distance you are experiencing in your relationship with him is much like my own.  You could be in Australia, for all he seemed to care..or notice you.  As I have, I think Shani feels a lot of resentment to her husband now...for having essentially neglected her for all this time.  I also feel that there is a womans "middle life crisis" going on here...that most consider to be a "man's" issue.  But also effects most women.

  Shani, you have a wonderful life.  Three absolutely GORGEOUS boys, that are healthy...and you should want them to remain stable and happy too.  Your husband needs to change most definitely.  But I see a lot of potential in your marriage.  One that can last.  So please..don't give up on it just yet.  You don't need a new boyfriend to make you feel wanted, sexy, and special.  But your husband and you DO NEED a couples "MAKE-OVER"!!!!!  :)  You have a very handsome husband, one you might be surprised to find is attractive and even sexy to others.  He's fighting for you, Shani!!! No matter how you spin it, that ISSSS a sexy quality!  So hold on to him, Shani! With deep and intimate counceling sections you can begin to understand why the resentment built up, find understanding in the communication that broke down between the both of you, restructure your life so that you and Jason get what you want and need from each other, find your sexy self, and intimacy with your HUSBAND again.  Find one of those "tantric" couples classes that Sting and his wife recommend highly.  That will get the flames burning once more,...but only after your resolved your anger over his not being there for you emotionally.

  If you want to spice up your life, have your husband go get a new cool hair cut...something spikey and modern.  Update his clothes, make dinner and movie dates together (no kids), have fun with the life you already have invested in!  Put your past affair behind you, and concentrate on the goals you want for your current family.  You will never regret it, but you might heavily regret leaving your kids for a man that could just as easily trade you in for a new model someday.  I wish you and your family all the best of wishes, Shani.  Allow your husband a 2nd chance to show you he can work on better communicating with you and be a better lover.  Sometimes after having 3 kids, who we are gets lost in the everyday routine of life.  Take a romantic trip with your husband, go dancing....or if all else fails.... go bungie jumping with your hubby.  That will excite things up!!! :))  Men have trouble communicating, and understanding how we feel....so express your desires to him.  And I'm sure things will soon turn in a good direction for you two.  Take great care, Shani and Jason.     ~Anne

 
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September 9, 2008, 11:59 am CDT

RUNNNNNN TAMMY, don't walkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!

Run don't walk Tammy!!....Dr. Phil was trying to spell it out LOUD AND CLEAR.  Paul is not a good liar, it's very clear.  You are a beautiful woman capable of a SANE relationship.  Paul wants to lie, deceive, manipulate, and womanize with PROSTITUTESSSS!!  Please don't ruin yours and your sons life.  I did not hear whether the kids are Paul's or from another marriage,...but don't let anyyyy man be abusive to you or them.  RUNNNNN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!  You are a sweet, sexy, and a SANE woman (when you get rid of this man!), and you deserve much more.  Your family see's this truth, and wants the best for you.  Trust in Dr. Phil, Tammy.  Paul seems pathological in nature, and scared me as to whether he'd be capable of harming you to get what he wants.  What surprises me most...is that you stayed married to this man for soooo long when he seems so "dysfunctional"!  Start a new life with the help of your loving family and sister...focus on your kids, and work on building your own self esteem to attract a better man into your life.  I wish you the very best, and I pray you don't keep the blindfolds on to what Paul is doing. :( Take good care, Anne

 

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