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Messages By: judith64

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February 17, 2007, 8:48 am CST

What if you feel it IS too late for you?

I watched the show last night, and it has made me feel very depressed.

 

I am "only" about 100 lbs. overweight, but have other problems as well, as, by the way, do the two on the show.

 

The thing that struck me was Dr. Phil felt that changes could not be gradual, they had to be instant and extreme.

 

Also, he asked them if they felt it was too late for them.

 

Now, I am a Senior Citizen,  And I am thinking maybe it IS too lat for me.  What then?

 

I would have to make drastic changes all alone, with no help.  And frankly, I don't see any incentive for me to do so.

 

Yes, I could lose weight, and eliminate some of the other problems in my life, but would that make my life any better?  really?  I doubt it.

 

None of these change would bring me more friends,

 

None of them would increase my income. 

 

None of them would even help me find a job (At my age employers don't even call me for an interview) Even if I did get an interview, I have a seizure disorder, which developed late in life, and which I must by law disclose on job applications. That eliminates me right there.  A prospective employer can only see that I might possibly have a seizure while at work,  and not only scare off customers or clients, but fall and hurt myself and maybe sue them.  No, they don't SAY they aren't hiring me for those reasons, but with plenty of other job applicants without such problems, it's just easier for them to hire someone younger.  And that is one problem that cannot be fixed.

 

None of these changes would bring someone into my life to love and care for me either.

 

So, where is my incentive to make the extreme effort required?  Hmmm?  What rewards would come from such?

 

Sometimes I do decide to try and change some things, heaven only knows why I bother but I do.  However, the efforts don't last long as there are not sufficient rewards to keep me going.  And now, according to Dr. Phil, I can't even enjoy the one small reward I did have, taking pleasure in knowing I had been able to make at least a small change.  Whatever I might manage to do I can only think that it isn't enough.  Now THAT'S a real help!

 

 

 

 

Judith 64

 

 

 
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April 19, 2007, 5:41 am CDT

Saving Grace Part 2

I am a 64  year old Mother and Grandmother.

 

And I can tell you that if anyone did anything remotely like that to a child close to me, there would be no question of  being allowed to visit, because that perpetrator would never live to even stand trial, let alone visit. 

 

And in some states it is a crime not to report such a crime if you learn of it, so the Grandmother should be spending life in jail too!

 

And yes, I might spend the rest of my life in jail for killing the perpetrator, but it would be worth it to know such a monster could never harm another child.

 

Ther3e are just some things that are beyond the pale, and should not be tolerated by any society, and this is one of them.

 
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April 20, 2007, 4:49 am CDT

Saving Grace art 2

Since, as  has been said, pedophilia cannot be "fixed", why not just execute the bastards and save society and children a lot of grief, pain and expense?

 

i think whether it's an illness or not, it should not be tolerated, and the best way to rid society of it is to remove it entirely.

 
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April 30, 2007, 4:35 am CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

Quote From: steph569

It is like the grandmother is so unemotional about this and holding her husbands hand , are you kidding me? she should be holding the parents hands since she cannot hold Grace's hand now, she should not even want to touch her husband, I would not for sure, I am sorry but children are the most important thing in the world and that Grandmother is like asleep or something, she just is not acting right in my eyes and she should have taken that little girl seriously, it just makes me sick and for the father not to cry for his little girl? I pray he does not have the same illness as his dad, that poor little girl but thank god she has Dr phil.

Actually, Grace's grandmother should be in jail!  It is a crime most places to learn of such a crime and not report it to the proper authorities immediately!

 

Had the grandmother had to do jail time for her own part in this, she woul not be able to maintain such an attitude in the matter.

 
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May 5, 2007, 6:17 am CDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

I am also overweight, but  "only" 100 pounds.  I havebewen struggling to lose, and had some success.

 

However,  this week I got the results of some blood tests, and learned that my blood sugar level was 48! (normal is between 70 and 120, or so i have been told by several sources.).

 

I was also told that  if the blood sugar gets low enough it can cause a seizure. (I have a seizure disorder of unknown cause.  cat scans, mri's, etc. have shown nothing)  As most of my seizures occur at night I have to wonder if low blood sugar causes or contributes to them.

 

At any rate, I have been told to eat every 2-3 hours to keep the level up.

 

Now I am at a loss as to how I am going to eat that often, and not end up weighing 500lbs! 

 

And being that overweight not only causes families to "forget" you,  it makes it impossible to find a job, or interact in social situations.

 

even at my weight, which is not as severe as the ones being discussed, I have been in restaurants where the tables at the booths were so close together that I could not fit into the booth seat.  And in restaurants where the chairs are so "dinky" for lack of a better word, that I could not sit in them.

 

Anyway, I wish those fighting the battle of weight well, and welcome suggestions regarding eating znd my blood sugar problems

 
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May 5, 2007, 6:22 am CDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: coventina29

I agree completely-- one other thing people forget is that high-fiber, healthy-fat foods give you a sense of fullness that you don't get from Twinkies. High-sugar, high-starch foods will spike your insulin and drop your blood sugar immediately, causing you to feel hungry again right away. High-fiber foods, like whole-wheat bread and many vegetables, don't affect your insulin and allow you to stay satisfied longer. You will eat less eating healthier foods, saving money too. You are right on!

Sorry to disagree, but in my area,  unbattered  frozen fish, or chicken, is much more expensive than the battered kind.  extra lean ground beef is much higher per pound than the regular.

 

fresh vegetables are outrageously priced here, and fruits even worse.  And if you are on food stamps, that makes a difference.  Around here, you currently get about enough food stamps per month for one week's groceries.  And most of us on limited incomes need to stretch it with cheap foods to get by.  And cheap foods are usually the ones that are bad for you.

 
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May 29, 2007, 5:49 am CDT

05/29 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 4

I have seen only the third episode in this series, which I viewed last night, however I have read the summaries of the other episodes and the follow-up.

 

I am glad Dr. PHil has found ways to help at least Melissa and the boys.

 

What a Toxic Family!!!  Parents that call each other umprintable names and fight like animals and pick on the children and use them as weapons against each other!  Sheesh!  It would be almost impossible for a child to grow up normal in a family like that!

 

Last night seemed to be "Pick ON Melissa Night".  Now if is my understanding this woman is the one who contacted the show to begin with, searching for help for her parents primarily, as well as the rest of the family.  How devastating it must have been for her to find herself attacked on all siades by everyone else in what was an obvious attempt by them to avoid dealing with their own problems.  And especially appalling since the parents are pretty much responsible for her problems.

 

What people aren't understanding is how much anger there is in these people.

 

Weight is often repressed anger.  Depression is an expression of repressed anger.  And Melissa is obviously both.

 

Even her messy house, which was commented on, is a symptom of depression.  Melissa is not lazy!  She is seriously depressed.  And no wonder growing up with those parents!

 

I don't know how she functions as well as she does, all things considered.  I remember the days when I had small children.  Housekeeping was almost impossible.  If you spent what time you had cleaning one room, the rest of the house got trashed meanwhile.  If you tried to do some cleaning in each room,  what little you could do was pretty much invisible in the vast wasteland of what you couldn't get done.  And having an autistic child to deal with makes it even more difficult than with normal children.  I had to work in addition to raising my children, so I know exactly what she is facing.  You begin to feel like there is no point to even trying.  At least at work you were done at the end of the day.  At home there is no end.

 

Those parents MADE Melissa dysfunctional.  For example, when Melissa and her Father were supposed to make dinner, and she was trying to coordinate who was to do what, in walked the Mother and took over, insisting on making potato salad, which nobody else really wanted, and which she insisted nobody but her  could make properly.  Come ON!  It's just potato salad, not a gourmet meal!  And every move Melissa made, the Mother denigrated, making her feel, no doubt, as if nothing she did was right.  I'd have walked out of the kitchen myself if treated like that, and yes, I'd have stuffed myself with food to keep the anger from exploding and worsening an already bad situation!

 

Obviously Melissa was treated that way throughout her growing up years, being made to feel dysfunctional even when she wasn't!

 

It's no mystery as to why she hooked up with a man who was a thief and a liar.  Dysfunctional people often hook up with a partner more dysfunctional than themselves in order to feel better about themselves, and to g=feel there is maybe somebody in the world worse off than them, whom they can perhaps help!

 

Then she gets an autistic child to pile guilt on topo of it all and add to her depression.  No, it was not her fault her child was born autistic.  However, almost any Mother who has a less-than-perfect child feels guilty about it, as if it was somehow her fault.  As if had she done, or not dome, some nebulous something, the child would have been spared its disability.

 

Her Mother kept saying that her "expectations" for Melissa were much higher than what she has achieved.  Well how about Melissa's "expectations" and wishes for her own life?  Doesn't she get to have a say?  Besides, would any human being eVER have been able to reach the Mother's expectations?  Had Melissa achieved something, wouldn't her MOther have then raised her expectations even higher, so that Melissa could never have pleased her?

 

I know it is hard living far away from one's family.  But in this case I think the further from that family she can get, the better,.

 

Now, Melissa cannot drive.  That means she is essentially imprisoned and caged in this day and age.  Add the autistic child and it makes it even worse.  everyone kept saying she could go for walks.  How?  You can't go for a walk taking an autistic child with you who could at any moment act up and act out in ways you can't handle.  So she is even more home-bound.

 

I know what not driving is like!  I grew up in a time and place where women didn't have to drive.  It was a guy thing.  And while some women did,  it was no disgrace not to.  It was considered perfectly normal.  Then I ended up in a relatively small town with no public transportation at all, and small children.  I was pretty much imprisoned too!   I could only walk so far with them, even with strollers and wagons and trycicles and such.  *wry grin*  And now they are grown and gone, I have developed a seizure disorder  to the point the State will not permit me to drive.  SoI am dependent on my children to take me places I need to go, and as they have busy lives and families of their own, I hate imposing on them. 

 

So I know what Melissa is going through there.  She is pretty much immobilized.  And I hope she does manage to learn to drive with the help Dr. Phil is giving her.

 

I would, however, like to know more of what help is being given to the parents before they destroy the rest of the family, and each other.  I have to wonder if they are maybe beyond help.

 

The boys in that family seem the closest to being able to be normal, functioning people, but perhaps that is merely because  in the episode I saw they were not very active or prominent in the family dynamics.

 

I wish the whole family the best of  luck, but I really think what the parents need is a smack upside of the head.

 

Those kids have a lot of work and evffort ahead of them to get over what the parents have done to them, and to avoid the pitfalls the parents fell into.

 

 

 
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March 23, 2008, 12:40 pm CDT

In Shawn's Behalf

 

I am an older woman who has fought the weight battle most of my adult life, for various reasons.

 

It is my thought that many of us who have some kind of problem, whether weight or something else, tend to think that if we get that problem "fixed", our lives will become perfect, and everything we ever wanted will be available to us.

 

Then, if and when we are able to get the problem that we and everyone else around us have focused on for years fixed, and we do not become God/Goddess of the World, we tend to become angry!  After all, it seems as if we did all that hard work for nothing!  We still aren't rich, we still "get no respect!", we still aren't loved and adored by the whole world, we still don't get that ideal job that our "issue" had in the past been blamed for us not getting.

 

I doubt if he is having an affair, or that women are more appreciative of him than when n he was overweight.  In fact, I suspect the problem is that thy are not!  And that leaves him frustrated and angry.

 

It may not seem to him that his wife appreciates him any more than she did when he was fat, or that his kids are no more loving and obedient than when he was fat.  And that hurts and angers him deeply.

 

He may have gone through all the effort and struggle thinking by so doing he could buy the love of the world around him, and the fact that that didn't happen may have left  him bitter and angry.

 

It is possible that despite the heroic achievement of having lost 350 lbs, he may not yet have learned to love himself, and until he can do that, nothing will be enough.

 

My thoughts go with him.

 

Judith

 

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