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Messages By: miamichelle

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February 13, 2008, 6:42 pm CST

WOW

Im so proud of Hiedi for comming out and calling everyone out on all there misstakes. I was in the same situation only I left at 14 and begged the state to take me away. My mother never caught him and still to this day does not believe it happened. I have had to go through a lot of councling and since, I have learned to let go and let God, but even then you still know you have been changed for life and you want someone, anyone to understand. Hiedi may not have had the chance I had to leave but she took her chance in life know by calling them out, both of them. My heart and prayers go out ot her to heal and I hope she knows that there are angels that watch over her just as they have me. Bless you

Jamie

 
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February 13, 2008, 6:48 pm CST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: lyss2274

so are u telling me that this girl who at the time was 5 wanted it? and is mad cuz it stoped? are u freakin kidding me?????? have u ever been sexualy abused? if u have i dont know who screwd u up intothinking anything along the lines of being pissed off ur Abuser cuts u off! if not u have absulutly no room to talk! u dont understand it is SOOOO much easyer to be mean and angry and ataking some one than it is to be vonerable and open to being hurt i can totaly c that this girl is trying to hold her self together! im sure u wouldnt be an angel if u were raped for 12 years and have ur mom tell u it was ur fault! id look pissed to! ur a joke if u think this girl is crying wolf or just trying to screw her mom over and looking smug she has every right to say feel and do what ever she wants to the sorry exuse of a mother shoot she has the right to punch her mom in the face if u ask me! idd a hit her till some one pulled me off i been there done that! she was a mother suposed to be protecting her kid! and she was selfish!!!!!!
Oh, my. I wish you would have told him more than that. Are there really people in the world that think they can say any thing about what a woman does after she has been violated and lied to and tossed around. I think  he lost his mind and thank you for putting him in his place.
 
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February 13, 2008, 6:57 pm CST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: jonesy385

BRAVO TO YOU, JAMIE!!!  You are a very brave and wonderful person.  You left at 14, and made your own way to a better life, and it sounds like you turned out just beautifully.  It's very hard to do what you did, as a teen, but you did it anyway, and you TRIUMPHED!  Yay!!!

Thank you. It was hard and still to this day it gets harder it seems. I hear all the victims and I want to hug them all because we are all survivers and I am so happy I brook the cycle. Now I deal with my fathers death and that has brought on a whole new set of challenges, so for anyone out there that has had this life, get ready cause it all comes back, and its great to have people like all of you to talk to.

Jamie

 
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September 9, 2008, 5:12 pm CDT

To a Brave Soul

Quote From: jonesy385

Jamie, you are the greatest.  If you lived here in NYC, I would give you a big hug. 

 

 I disowned my father when I was 18 (I don't think he molested me, but one doctor said he might have, and maybe I was very young, or maybe I blocked it out), and my mother and I heard he died a few months after the fact.  I didn't feel that bad when I heard about it, but I didn't feel free of him either.  I always thought if he was dead, I would feel like a weight was gone or something.  But it felt the same as when he was alive (probably because I hadn't seen him in nearly 20 years at the time).  Funny thing though, slowly, as time passed, after he died, a few years later, more and more, I realized I had been blaming him for all these things, when actually, my mother was even worse, only in a subtle "What did I do?" kind of way, just full of her own ego.  I realized how much my father and I actually had in common as people, and I realized I couldn't hate someone who had so much in common with me.  It would be like hating myself.  And then I gradually realized I didn't hate him anymore.  I realized the things that made me mad at him, were things he couldn't help, and he never meant to be a bad father.  So mentally, in my mind, I came to peace with him.  But not my mother.  Not yet at least. 

 

Jamie, I would love to email with you, but I don't want to put my email address out on this board for everyone to see. 

I am so sorry I am just now reading this. I watched that same show you did in Feb. and I felt the same way. As I read what you wrote to me, I have to say you are amazing and it is odd for me to be reading what I went through with my father who has been diagnosed with cancer and has 1 to 6 years, that was last year. I too thought that when he left this world that the pain would go with him but just as you said, the more you thought and the more deep searching you did brought you to the realization that he never really ment to be a bad father but I do believe and dont know if you feel the same way, but that he had a sickness. My father was a great man and nobody who knows my past with him can understand why I say that. Not even my own mother. I'll tell you because I believe you will get it. Its because I have forgiven a man of his sins like the lord has asked everyone to do but most can not in this situation because it changes you forever. One thing I did not allow the demon in him to do was take anything I had left at 14. I hated him and my mom for sticking by his side, but she never saw it comming either and when all you want is dads love and to be daddies lil girl, why would she believe me. I no longer hate her and she is by his bed side every day. I would not want her anywhere else. He did take good care of her and the family but he had a sickness.

 I too would so love to email you and I will put my email on here for you so that you can contact me if you still wish. I will pray for you and yours.

Jamie.     Jamiemichia@yahoo.com

 
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September 9, 2008, 5:40 pm CDT

I get you.

Quote From: kathleen27

I would need to hear MUCH more about why Heidi speaks to John.  I know a great deal about sexual abuse, unfortunately, and in the case of a young girl being molested, it is NOT unusual for her to fall in love with him...but hate him at the same time.  Look, fact...children are sexual beings, sex feels good...so John, may have made Heidi feel good while destroying her.

Unless Heidi has had INTENSE therapy and came to a place where she could forgive John, for a "positve" reason, I think she is talking to him because he still has a hold on her...and THAT is the WORST thing that can continue. 

She doesn't forgive her mother...John had the stronger bond...it's really so twisted, but this is NOT uncommon.

I do not "buy it" that is all O.K. because he said he was sorry, or because he admitted to it.  Heidi needed to hear it from HIM...so that is a reason why she will talk to him. 

Healing...easy to say...not easy to do.  Unless John is out of Heidi's life, healing is just not possible...the cancer is still in her.  The hold is not broken...BREAK IT OFF!  That is what ANY competant therapist would advise...this girl was brainwashed by the second most powerful drive of our species...sex...and it went on for ten years?????  Separate them if it can be done...hard to enforce now that Heidi is an adult, but IF she gets into productive therapy, she will be brought to a place where she sees the need to break from John.

After that, her issues with her mother will be up for grabs...

I have heard where victims DO forgive the abuser, but it is for closure...to sever all control he has...like a release...not saying Oh, that's O.K.  One is healthy, the other is continuing the cycle.

There may be ways, if both women are ready, that a competant thrapist will bring these two women to a place where the past can be left behind...not forgotten, just looking at the big picture...and trying to heal.

I'm really NOT a judgemental person, yet if you see your husband performing oral sex on your daughter...you allow him to have access to her...which he obviously did for quite a few years...seriously...what do you want me to say?  

My only advise would be to look inside yourself for your HONEST reasons...do it with a professional.  Get it straight in your mind, then tell her...with remorse and repentance.  If she picks it up, you are coming out of a long dark tunnel, if not, you tried your best when you felt that you were able.  That's the best I can say...

except that John has to go, and only Heidi can do that.  If she doesn't I fear for her future life with anyone.

Thank you for saying what so many victims or survivers can not say well enough for people to understand. My father was a great man with a sickness and during those sick times he did just what you said, he loved me at the same time he tried to destroy me. I say try because he did not succeed. I am a happy full time working mother of 2 boys and in the past year or so I have come to forgive and love my father. My mother who never did believe me, does not understand why I do. I just tell her its not for her to understand. This was something between him and I. Now I have learned to forgive but you will always carry that first experince with you and until you can forgive, you will have some hate in you. One thing to remember after you can forgive is you will never forget it and it does not have to destroy who you are, boy or gir, man or woman.
 
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September 9, 2008, 5:48 pm CDT

take it or leave it

Quote From: toniecw

Are you aware that there are statutes of limitation on rape cases?

 

This was not a child on the set, she was an adult with children...the one that should have been pressing charges didn't.

 

Don't kill the messenger folks...

 

Dr. Phil had them on his show to help them heal themselves and each other with forgiveness...

Just my thoughts

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

Look Toni, nobody wanted him to walk out of there. I bet you didnt either. I know the show has its way of doing things but for the sake of other children, while you were typing I hope you said a prayer for Hiedi, and thats just my thoughts.
 
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September 9, 2008, 6:12 pm CDT

I hear you

Quote From: cndrlla

There IS no advice that anyone can give you, is there.

 

You already know what you should do, so get off your butt and do it!

I have to say you are right, she does need to do something but do you know anything about the stats of an abused woman who grew up in it and then laned back in it? I do.  Typically it will take a victim 8 trys to leave before they get it. It took me 5. Nobody believed me either other than a battered woman shelter. So I do agree with the fact that she does have to do something but before you go telling people what they should do, how about a bit of advise on how to do just what you mentioned. People like her are scaired and embarressed. Oh, and yes there is lots of advise to give.

 
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September 9, 2008, 6:30 pm CDT

Awsome!

Dr. Phil, you can not do anything wrong in my eyes. I love the show changes over the years and I love the web site. You ROCK. Oh, I almost forgot, Can you put Jorden on your show more. I just cant get enough of him!
 
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September 9, 2008, 6:44 pm CDT

WOW

So, you mean to tell me that when she was running for any pagent what so ever, she never thought of her self as a role model? Thats what the tital is DUH!!! However, I do not feel she should have her tital taken away because she was having fun and acting like your average young lady who has just won something and wants to party it up. I think she should loose it because she said she does not think she is a role model when she clearly is because so many young girls look up to being like that, does she not get that? I say give the crown to someone who will take it as thier duty to show young girls how to act.

Make no mistake, I dont see what she did was wrong but its what she said that was disturbing.

 
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September 10, 2008, 7:08 am CDT

a blog? wow

Quote From: cndrlla

I spoke out of firsthand experience! And I do offer advice on how to get out of an abusive situation. Go to www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com and click on the article "Even a Turtle...." 
So why give me the web site. It seem to me you needed to be letting her know that info and help not chastise.
 

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