Messages By: livvygirl

It is beyond my comprehension why any woman with an ounce of self-repect would stay in a marriage with a man who runs around on her.  Why should either of these guys change?  They obviously enjoy what they do, and their wives have made it perfectly clear that they're willing to put up with anything and everything, just to hang on to their man.

If a wife wants to put up with that sort of crap ("sexual addiction" PUH-LEEZE!!), I guess that's her right, but then why complain about it?  When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

Your husband has unprotected sex with prostitutes, comes home and sleeps with you, and you "love him with all your heart"?  Your marriage may be precious to you, but it sure isn't precious to him.  The only way a therapist could help is if you BOTH wanted things to change, and it doesn't seem like he does - he just wants to keep his hustle going, and have you there to take care of him when he wants you around. 

You want advice?  Here it is - GET AWAY FROM HIM!!  He does not love you if he could expose you to an STD or a deadly disease - this is NOT your fault!!  You can love him all you want, but remember that your love cannot change him.  You owe yourself more than this.  I know it's not easy, but if you stay, things will just keep on the way they've been going, and you will be left with nothing.  Don't do that to yourself.  Good luck.

I have to say that this sort of behavior is not confined to men - there are plenty of women out there who lie, manipulate, and use good and decent people for their own gain.  I don't believe that these people care at ALL about their spouses - they will SAY they do when they get caught, or when the spouse finally gets fed up and wants out - but that's just another manipulation to keep their victim around.  Users are very, very good at picking their victims, and know just what the victim wants to hear - "I LOVE you baby, please don't leave me, I'll be good, I'll change, I'm just SO SORRY I hurt you" and on and on it goes.  They don't mean a WORD of it!!

As disgusting and contemptible as I find these bottom-dwellers, I also get fed up with those of us who ALLOW ourselves to be victimized for years, and then want to cry and complain about it..  If you fling yourself down as a doormat, don't be surprised when you get walked on!

The wives on the show today need to take control of their OWN lives and stop trying to change men who don't want to change.  That's all they have control over - themselves!

I'm sorry if the truth hurts, and I don't mean to be unkind, but to stay with an ABUSIVE man for years, to tolerate bad behavior, to allow a man to have sex with strangers and then come home and have sex with you, thereby risking your own health and LIFE - because you "LOVE HIM" - is, as far as I'm concerned, being a DOORMAT.

Yes, manipulators are good at what they do.  They know how to take love and use it as a tool and a weapon to hurt those who are unfortunate enough to love them.  None of that negates the fact that we are responsible for our own lives and choices.  Love is very strong, yes.  But I don't believe we are powerless in the face of love, and most of us are smart enough to know when a relationship is abusive and destructive.  It is up to US to define the boundaries of what and WHO we will allow in our lives.  To let someone else have that control over us is just weak and irresponsible.

I'd also like you to consider all the women (my mother was one) who stay with an abusive jerk because they "LOVE HIM", and force their children to go for that destructive roller-coaster ride along with them.  There is supposed to be no more powerful love than that of a mother for her children.  A women who is willing to serve up her children on the alter of a destructive relationship because she "LOVES HIM" is, in my opinion, WORSE than a doormat.

I just love the way some people these days like to throw around the word "ADDICTION", like that absolves them of all responsibility for their crummy behavior.  "It's not MY fault that I look at porn every chance I get!  It's not MY fault I'm having cybersex and lying to my wife about it!  I'm an ADDICT!!  I'm in the grip of UNCONTROLLABLE IMPULSES!!  Poor ME!"

Here's a thought - how about having an a addiction to telling the truth?  How about an addiction to being an honerable, honest, human being?  How about an addiction to fidelity, and setting a decent example for your kids?

We all have voids in our lives - that's never an excuse to fill the void with any perversion your baser nature desires at the expense of those that love you.

There may be many EXCUSES for cheating, but NO valid "reasons", except "That's what I wanna do to make myself feel better, and to hell with anyone who has a problem wiith it".

I don't get the mentality that we're all supposed to accept the lousy behaviors of others, cause we don't want to make them "feel bad".  If you do something wrong you SHOULD feel bad, and the people who love you should love you enough to tell you so.  What about the kids in these situations?  Mom or Dad is stepping out with some stranger, threatening their well-being and security, and I guess they're just supposed to suck it up?  Please!