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Messages By: cmurray936

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April 12, 2007, 7:06 pm CDT

Moving forward from the dark place

I would like to move forward from feeling as though I am in a grave that I have dug for myself of grief and anger.  I just cannot seem to dig my way out into the light and my world is closed in and dark at this moment.  When I go to work, I step out and involve myself in resolving a problem or crisis on a construction site.  That gets my mind and all my abilities working with no thoughts about my husband, children, family, and the medical/financial crisis at home. I spent my life keeping my bills in order, doing without and planning for the future.  Every month all bills paid, all debt current.  Then September 2001, my husband injured critically by a drunk driver during a crime.  My husband on his way home to his family.  He did not make it, instead he was air-lifted to a trauma center, just one week after 9/11.  He sustained 24 broken bones, damage to several major organs and a head injury.  Five years later he was healing well and we were a family recovered, mentally, physically, financially from the hardship.  My husband was begged to assist his brother-in-law build a house by his sister.  The brother-in-law was in too deep and in danger of losing the property, and construction loans to build the million dollar plus house.  The family pressured him to quit his job and live on the property and build thier house.  He left me to take care of our children myself, on my income, alone, at the request of his family to build this house.  He had been building this house for weeks and walls were up the roof was up.  Our brother-in-law was operating the crane that set the main ridge and if was off.  So he was made at everyone, yelling to cut the nails on all the boards on the roof support.  My husband cut the nails and made the adjustment needed.  It was late he had worked 6 days without family, he promised he was coming home and asked our brother-in-law to finish nailing up the last couple of boards so he could go home and spend a day with family.  We had one day with him, just one day.  He returned to work on the jobsite.  The brother-in-law had put plastic over the roof to protect the panels from the rain, but wanted my husband to work in the rain to meet his schedule.  I was due to leave for Canada to work at the Shell Refinery in just 4 days and needed my husband home with our children. This made our brother-in-law angry and he had called me on several occasions to confirm the date and make sure I really needed my husband home.  Meanwhile, my husband is working and the brother-in-law watches from the comfort of his truck, or our motorhome making his lunch and order materials; out of the rain and weather.  The brother-in-law comes out with clearing weather to work from a ladder because he does not like working on the roof.  He cannot reach something he wants nailed and sends my husband up to nail it.  My husband steps out onto the boards the brother-in-law was to nail up on Saturday and falls 20 ft head first to concrete.  Hours pass and he is in brain surgery at John Muir medical center in Walnut Creek, CA.  I am his wife and I do not know this.  When I arrive a little after 6:00 PM, he had gone into surgery at 10:00 AM; his sister corners me and says "she cannot let me see him until she knows where my head is."  She continues to tell me that he promised not to sue them before they called the ambulance and they cannot help us with insurance or anything.  All these months later, she continues to say it is not thier fault it was an accident and cannot help us.   Yet she cards to my husband that say "If we can do anything let us know."  We have asked only for her insurance on several occasions.  We do not want anything from her and her husband other than the insurance to help cover medical costs that we being denied by our own insurance.  If my husband were a stranger the first thing she would have done is call her insurance company.  I am having such a hard time moving on, I am physically ill. We lost our family and there is no recovery.  Now we may lose our house, due to medical bills over one hundred thousand dollars.  The arbitration hearing is April 16th, we have no representative, no resources, no help, no family.  Just us, still working, still trying to get by.  My world has become so small, sometimes even work cannot bring me up out of this hole enough to recover the next trip to the mailbox.
 
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December 31, 2007, 3:52 pm CST

Dangerous Trends

Girls are engaging in dangerous trends, as well.  Teenagers have not changed over the years they live for today without any fear or regard for tomorrow.  I have 3 beautiful daughters and they are not perfect and not criminals.  They usually get straight "A" report cards and attend school regularly.  However, they also occasionally sneak out of the house to meet up with other kids from school at the park.  This is very dangerous and we have set our alarm not to keep burglars out, but our daughters in.  I really do not know the big attraction to sitting in the park at midnight during the week, but some kids walk completely across town to meet up with my daughters.  Then on day 2 of high school one young man convinced my daughter and her group of friends that due to the clothing and kind of music they listen they must be EMO.  He also convinced them they must cut themselves.  We ended up in ER for 6 hours when he demonstrated on my daughters arm.  This phase has passed as quickly as it started for a new one "RAVE."  My daughters are good kids, but they are kids and want to be doing what all the other kids are doing.  This is a big problem and I am so behind the times that I do not understand this new wave of dangerous trill seeking.  I take parent classes and my daughter to counseling, but this has not helped to a large extent.  I am now a little more informed, but have no answers.
 

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