Messages By: aces24

This is my first time using this message board.I've been logging in the diaries and thought I should try this.I've been trying to lose weight now for a month or so now. I'm approx 350pds and 5'6. I've started reading the doctor phil book on weight lose.I have lost four pds already and I am struggling like crazy. The more I read this book the more I realize how food has controlled my life.It started when I was  appox fourteen, while I was being physcially and emotionally abused.Food was the one thing I thought I had control over.Boy was I wrong. I'm now 37 and married with two kids of my own.I want to change so bad and I have never felt so scared in all my life.See my husband is just as big as I am and has no intention of changing. I can't and won't try to change him. He has to want this for himself.Which he does not. My dad died when he was fourty two years old back in 1993.Before he died he had both of his legs amputated, he had heart attacks, strokes, seizures, by pass surguries etc... and now my mom has recently been diagonsed with MS. I really feel like I have no one at all. I can't go to my mom, she has enough on her plate already. There is no one else. The sad thing is I've been married for almost fourteen years and living together for 17 years. We literally grew together.I have never felt so alone in all my life.According to this book I am so messed up. The emotional eating test I scored a 46 out of 50. I fear if I don't do something now I'm not going to see my kids grow up.This thing with my mom really has me spoked.As if you can't tell.I can't join a gym due to the money. I have started walking. Even that I have to be carefull with my asthma. I've already had three hernia surgeries myself, gallbladder surgury, appendix surgery and a miss carriage. I can't afford anything else right now.If theres anyone with any suggestions please let me know.

                                                                                            aces24

This is my first time on the message boards and I am in need of help and support. I'm  approx 350 pds and 5'6. Like alot of peope I've tried alot of diets, with little success.My dad died at the age of 42 back in 93. He lost both of his legs, he had heart attacks, strokes sezures,by pass surguries etc.. before he died. My mom has been recently dianosed with MS. I myself have had 3 hernia surguries, gallbladder surgury, appendix surgury and a mis carriage. My husband is just as big as I am with no intention of wanting to lose any weight.I literally have no one to talk to or to help me. I am at the end of my rope with my weight. I have never felt so scared or alone in all my life. I even went so far as to write to dr. phil for help. I sent in my video, picture and my work  even said they would email him as well. Wether they did or not I don't know. I am now trying these message boards to see what happens. Doesn't hurt to try.I am active. I work full time as a caregiver. I have 2 kids 9 and 5. and yes I am married. I've been married for almost 14 years, living together for 17 years. We kind of grew together.LITERALLY. I wish my husband would lose weight but I can't make him do anything he does not want to do. I am reading the dr phil book. I am an emotional eater. I was physically and emtionally abused as a teenager, which I think is were all this overeating started. I do remember getting pints of ice cream when I was a teenager and just eating all of it. I thought I had control of my food. Now 20 plus years later and I'm still doing the same thing. Stuffing all my feelings and emotions. Not talking to anyone.I've become very withdrawn and shy.I wish  I could get support from someone or help.I don't even know what I should be eating or noe eating. I've been like this for so long. I've been in survivor mode for so many years, I don't know any other way.I've NEVER delt with the abuse from years ago. When my dad died I was relieved he was gone. I know that sounds terrible, but to me at least the abuse was over.Now that I'm married with kids I NEED to change. With my mom having MS,  that has really spooked me.So as you can see I really NEEEEED some one at this point.Why now you ask ? after my last surgery the doctor told me if I didn't get this weight off I have a  20 to 30 percent chance of the hernia coming back. this last one was a big one. I want to be here  to see my kids grow up and I want to get healthy again.

                                                                                    aces24

To who ever wrote me a messgae I just wanted to say thank you. It did make me feel better. I've written my story  on a few message boards and I've been looking for help. It seemed like no one was out there or no one really cared. I've been slowly getting rid of certain foods and I'm going to slowing continue to do so. It's more than the food for me. I've been using food to comfort me for so long, it's like this war going on in my head over and over again. I tell myself I'm not going to eat, I'm not going to eat and then before I know it I'm eating anyway.It got so bad at one point I was going to drive thru's getting one thing and then going to another one. Just so people would'nt know how much I was truly eating. I pray every night that sooner or later I will get the help I need.Again thanks

                                                          aces24

To who ever wrote me a messgae I just wanted to say thank you. It did make me feel better. I've written my story  on a few message boards and I've been looking for help. It seemed like no one was out there or no one really cared. I've been slowly getting rid of certain foods and I'm going to slowing continue to do so. It's more than the food for me. I've been using food to comfort me for so long, it's like this war going on in my head over and over again. I tell myself I'm not going to eat, I'm not going to eat and then before I know it I'm eating anyway.It got so bad at one point I was going to drive thru's getting one thing and then going to another one. Just so people would'nt know how much I was truly eating. I pray every night that sooner or later I will get the help I need.Again thanks

                                                          aces24

nadja37- Iam defently going to start reaching for help alot more. I am not one to ask for it but I do know now I have to.I was reading the dr phil book again and a light bulb went off sounding more like  (DUH) I know I have to get a no fail envirment. So I've started getting everything out of my house or putting the bad food my kids still want in a seperate cabinet. The more I thought about that (the cabinet) the more I realized it doesn't matter where the food is, if I know where it is I will still eat it. I in that much of a fragile state. So I dumped it. Then my husband got mad and went to the grocery store and  re-bought  some of the things I threw away. This is what I have to live with.My life depends on me losing this weight and this is what I mean by I have no support.So I'm now going to the store to buy a lock and I will install it, give the key to my husband. This way I can't get in there and they can pig out all they want. Just hopefully not in front of me. My husbands attitude about this whole thing is I don't care what you do as long as it does'nt involve me he says. I think hes affraid of me losing this weight because then he may have to get off of his ass and do something himself.This is why I wrote to dr phil to begin with I have no one to turn to except these message boards and the diary.Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. But I don't care I am going to die trying if I have to. One way or another this weight will come off. Now my only other problem is I've been like this for so long I truly do not know what to buy at the store anymore. I do know vegies, fruits and things like that but what else? I don't like any fish or sea food. So what is safe to eat ?  Actually at this point I have no business in a store I'm that bad right now. I have no choice, either I go or my husband goes and brings back all kinds of junk. Walking into a store for me though is torture. What do ya do? Can you see why I'm pulling my hair out? Let me know what you think.

                                                                                      aces24

nadja37- Hello, I have not gone shopping yet.That is on my of to do's today. I had to work a 15 hour shift on friday, saturday and sunday, so I didn't get to do to much.On my list I am going to be looking for something other than pop. My family we go through between 3 and  4 cases a week normally. Not to mention I drink one to two pots of coffee everyday. This must come to an end. The pop I don't care about. I can take it or leave it. My coffee however thats going to be a hard one for me. Today I am really going to have to think about what I am doing when I go. This is such a danger zone for me and I'm gong to have my kids with me to boot. I have a ton of things to do today so I'll write back  later and  tell you how it went.

                                                                                         aces24

Thank you for the tip. Sorry I didn't get back to right away, but I've been working fifteen hour shifts every day and I haven't had time to do much. Plus I am not  a computer savvy type of a person. I did go to the doctor and have a complete phyical with blood work and diabetes test. There is nothing wrong with me except my blood pressure is a little high. My problem is I need to back off the food. I am an emotional eater, according to this dr phil book I'm reading. Everything he is saying is me to a tee. So again thanks.

                                                        aces24

nadja37- I went to the store today and I  only bought enough stuff to get us through til friday.I was very overwhelmed and got fustrated. See I only live within blocks of a big grocery store. It has a pizza place, restaurant, pharmacy, video store and health food store all inside this grocery store. The smells alone drove me nuts. I didn't really know what to buy, so I mainly stuck to vegies, fruits, chicken and turkey. Shopping is not  as fun as it use to be thats for sure.Oh yea I bought cereal for the kids. I got in my van and just started crying. Now I have a few more days to do some homework. I'm going to go on the internet and see what I can find. You have to read everything and I mean everything! Before I just use to run through the store and grab whatever looked good at that time.Man was I ever wrong. Friday I do have to do some major shopping though. I'm scared out of my mind. Something I wish I could have someone else do. But that is a MAJOR pipe dream.I also have some old cook books, I'm going to look in there and see what I can find. With my job I've been bring tv dinners with me because it was easy to do. I'm even questioning that. The sodium in some of those is nuts. It sounds so stupid but I feel like I'm a kid just learning how to eat all over again.I'm not looking forward to friday but I have to suck it up and just do it.Lord knows I don't know how.The only saving grace I had was that I  went by myself.

                                                 aces24

gaball- I'm new to these message boards. I don't know if you have read my posts, but I  am trying to lose weight. I think your idea is great. I've only had my computer for approx 5 months so I have no clue where to type a menu or how to save it. If someone could tell me how I would greatly appreciate it. The store is so over whelming to me and with a menu that would make things alot easier for me.Good idea.

                                                      aces24

nadja37- I know exactly what you are going through. I worked third shift on friday night, came home saturday morning went to bed approx 9:30am. My husband wakes me up at 1:oopm and told me to take our son to a birthday party he was invited to. He was off and he couldn't do it why? nothing but complete laziness. So I stayed up and I had to work third shift that same night as well. I could have done a bart simpson on is ass.It makes you want to run right to the food and never stop. At least thats how I feel. Then sunday night I come home from work and someone locked the screen  front door so I couldn't get in. I'm calling and calling, knocking on the door so I wouldn't scare the kids. I even went to the window and called his name. NOTHING! How long does it take to check a door before you go to bed I ask? (DUH) It took me 45 minutes to get into the house. He then looks at me and said you probably locked it before you left. NOT! I swear if he only had a brain.(LOL) anyway my point yes I do know what your going through, it's not you it's him.

                                          aces24