Quote From: cdallasI am only 27, been married for 3.5 years, my husband & I have have not had sex in almost 2 years! I also think that I am a pretty & attractive girl, but I don't feel this from my husband. He always calls me 'beautiful' and I actually hate that because I feel it is a pet word, but not really how he feels about me. I think I would ever cheat on him, but I do get very frustrated. We tried counseling about 2 years ago, and we would just go home & get into arguments & he would just threaten to divorce me when he became too frustrated saying that I deserve someone better. I would tell him over & over again that he is the only one that I want, but he just doesn't hear it. Since I don't want to get divorced, I feel my only option is to live in this marriage this way. Before counseling we would have sex maybe once every 1-2 months sometimes shorter sometimes a longer stint. However the sex was very short & he never seemed to try to put any effort into trying to please me. Ever since counseling, we have not had sex (nearly 2 yrs ago). What's even worse, is I feel that I am starting not to care how I look. I have always taken pride in the way I dress, my appearance, exercising, etc. I used to be 105 lbs & 5'4", & in the past year I have gained just over 15 lbs! I just don't think I care anymore. I am also starting to feel really guilty about having thoughts of being with other people because I love my husband & I don't want anyone else or want to be with anyone else, but I feel so neglected & undesired....and I don't feel 'beautiful.'
I am 26 and been married for 1 1/2 years, I couldn't imagine having the types of problems that you are having. Are you sure that there's nothing else going on between you that is causing the problems? Do you fight about money? sex? spending time together? not getting enough alone time? or all of the above? There has to be something underlying that is causing you to feel this way. In your past, did you have a boyfriend or someone you thought you loved call you ugly, or treat you badly because of your looks? That could cause you to think your husband is just saying those things to you just because he feels he "has" to because he is your husband. Why don't you talk to him about pleasing you? Ask him about spending a night only focused on making you happy. Get massage oils, an egg (those things are great!!) and have him only work on you, don't do anything, if he wants to be pleased, then you have to be.
I'm not a psych or anything (I did study it for 2 years, but didn't quite make it) but I had a boyfriend, my first love, when I was 14. I was 5'4" and 105lbs, just like you and he called me "thunder" because I he thought I had big thighs and he knew they bothered me, I always thought I was fat. After two years of that, I am still to this day very self-conscious and still think I'm disgusting, now that I'm pregnant though, all of those thoughts seem to be put to the back burner and my main concern is my baby. Anyway, I really think you need to have your husband focus on you and making you happy. Mine does that every once in awhile and it makes you feel great about your relationship and yourself. Maybe it will help you with your self-esteem too!!
