Messages By: teddi_

I am fortunate to have been able to attend the taping of this show. Words really can't describe how closely Allison's story hits home, or how badly I feel that so many people failed a sick and suffering mom of twins. What hits me the most is that when Allison started on the road to becoming a mom- she never, ever could have forseen the tragedy that has happened.

I am a mom blessed with three children- a 7 year old son and 2 year told twins girls. I survived Hyperemesis twice, in both my pregnancies, from about week 6 til birth. Unless you have been thru the hell, it's not something you can comprehend. Nausea, dehydration, malnutrtion, dehydration, exhuastion, weakness, muscle atrophy, and depression. That becomes your world while you battle this terrible disease. What should be a happy and hopefully healthy time for expecting moms becomes sometimes a sheer battle to survive.

With my twins, I had very serious complications- and like Allison I finished my twin pregnancy completely and totally physically incapable of caring for my twins. I carried them nearly full term, and my most frequent source of nutrition was my PICC line (a semi-permanent IV line) for which I used to do daily IV fluids and vitamins. I combatted the constant illness with many different medications... and then at the end of my pregnancy needed an emergency c/s because I my blood pressure was high, and my blood was breaking down.

Mentally, I was no better off. For anyone to be so sick for so long- it affects their spirits and their ability to cope. Postpartum, I was left to spend the first year of my twins life in a dark hole of Post Partum Depression (for which HG can leave a mom very vulnerable to) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (directly from the trauma of the HG illness and traumatic delivery). At times, I found myself ruminating on suicide, death, or simply just running away. The post partum health complications I had (anemia, heart issues) left me terrified. Three times I did pass out, once when I was alone with my twinfant daughters. During the taping of the show, Allison's sister conveyed how Allsion didn't feel she could PHYSICALLY care for her twins. In the shape she was in- she had reason to be scared!

"There but for the grace of god go I".... unlike Allison I had a husband and family close by who were able to provide just enough support that I didn't completely lose my mind. But I know the weakness she felt. I know the hopeless she felt- that she may never recover and never be healthy and vital again. Enduring such a horrible pregnancy, and still being physically exhuasted and spent (Allison almost died during her c/s delivery and needed blood transfusions) can leave you paralyzed for fear. I do not for a moment DOUBT that Allison both wanted and loved her twins. But she had spent the past many months in a terrible state of mind- and probably (and rightly so) feared that something bad would happen if her twins remained in her care. I remember being so weak that my 5 lb babies were just too much to hold. That's where the Hyperemesis left me. I "gained" 2 lb by the end of my pregnancy, and left the hospital with about a 15 lb weight loss. I carried my twins to just under 37 weeks. They were born small for their gestational age, and had to be in the NICU. HG is a vicious beast, and while there is treatment for the disease there is not a "cure".  

I remember  being unable to grocery shop, or cook, or do much of anything other than try to recover from surgery, 8 months of vomiting, and being mentally fragmented. Were I in Allison's shoes... 48, not 28.... unmarried.... no family close by to help....   it really is not an exaggeration to say something terrible would have happened to either me or my babies.

There should have been a support system in place for Allison. Where was it? Where was the social worker? Where was the extra support from the doctors who provided Allison and her babies with care? Where was an adoption professional, who would be inpartial, and able to make sure all is on the "up and up" with an adoption?

Allison was in a state of crisis. She needed help. She did NOT need or DESERVE to have to lose her children after enduring all she did- NEARING losing her life- just to bring them into the world. I pray justice, true justice will in the end prevail for Allison AND her son and daughter.

I would agree that the children's well-being matters and is tantamount.

There are a few things I'd like to point out

* The children know Allison, she had a "open" adoption and has had visitation rights. In fact, she still retains her parental rights. She maintains and there's evidence that her children do in fact have a relationship with her.

* Yes, the transition would be hard. But the BIG question about the kids is: how long or how old will they be before they come to resent... perhaps HATE their adoptive parents? Children have a right to the relationship with their blood parents. Sometimes that can't happen (for many reasons like death of a parent, parent who just does not make a safe, responsible parent). I truly believe, no matter what the circumstances, a child will likely have lost right they are due if they can't be with their parents, or have them in their life. If I found out the circumstances when I was older- as her son and daughter will some day- I'd be ANGRY and resentful. Such anger and resentment ISN"T going to do those children any good. I might even say I'd feel like my "parents" stole me. What kind of environment or childhood will that give THEM?

* Children are at risk for detachment issues simply BY being out of their biological parents care. Wouldn't they already be at risk for this? And isn't that largely the adoptive parents are responsible for having given THEM?

* Allison nearly immediately changed her mind and revoked the adoption. If the adoptive parents were truly ... well... in sync with my sense of morality... they would not have kept the children.

* How will the kids know, that the only reason they don't have THEIR mom is because Florida has really questionable adoption law? And that their mother was temporarily ill? And that she's in (or was in) jail? Are those reasons why the children's natural rights to their relationship with their mother should be disregarded?

Do you TRULY think that Allison at age 45 started her quest to become a mother and went thru the costly and time of fertility treatments with the expectation she'd give up her babies on the other side?

No. That doesn't make any sense does it.

The answer to your question is....

Allison didn't know about Hyperemesis. She didn't know she'd end up with severe, life threatening complications from which she is lucky to have survived. She thought she would be pregnant, have a baby (probably didn't anticipate the twins part), and go home to love and raiser her child. Fate threw her other circumstances, ones she never could have forseen. There's no test you can take that will tell a mom "if you get pregnant" you might die.

She wanted to be a mother. She waited until she was in a place in her life where she thought she could do it, she made a lot of reasonable decisions. A life threatening illness cost her her health, both physically and mentally. The illness, the mental depression and post traumatic stress put her in the place where she made the bad decision to adopt her children out. It was her illness.

I was able to attended the taping of this show (as some of the other posters have). There was stuff that we saw, issues that came up (and some stuff I read on other news reports) that didn't make the final edit of the show that you saw.

Firstly- yes, so many, many moms have gotten A) no help B) too little help C) no diagnosis. It's heartbreaking... I've read way too many stories from moms who terminated, who were told to terminated and didn't even know they had a disease or what the name of it was. Better care is so critical- mostly for moms but babies too!

I would not say that the HG illness itself would make someone incapacitated to make a decision to adopt or not. What WAS edited out of the show was that Dr Phil pointed out Allison because of her HG experience and complications (life threatening ones, where she was terrified she and her babies would die) left her with both Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Partum Depression.

 I would make my best estimate and say either one or BOTH (esp. the PTSD) should automatically put such an important decision as adoption under immediate suspicion. Not ALL or even most women who have HG will end up with PTSD as a result, but a small percentage will (esp those like Allison with life threatening complications). When in the accute phase, which can last weeks, months, even years- people can be very very impaired with their mental health to where basic functioning is challenging. PPD, PTSD, sleep deprivation, physical exhuastion, and extreme weakness- does that begin to pain the picture of how ANY decision made during that time of such a huge decision  (add in that Allison herself said she really thought she was maybe going to die, even post partum) would totally impair someone to make a LONG term decision? Allison was acting in the now- unable really to see even to the end of the day- let alone the future beyond.

Just to add a little more about PTSD- it's usually not clinically diagnosed until the symptoms have lasted longer than 30 days. Remember, the adoption happened when the babies were 6 weeks old (and remember too Allison had only been home from the hospital about a month). It really isn't feasible to say well she should have gotten help. At that point, the mental fallout would very conceivably been hitting a low point (esp. add in the month home of caring for newborn babies).

Step into Allison's mind frame and you can see where coercion comes in. FOr months on end, depressing, suffering, and isolating months on end- you begin to fear you won't even make it. Then, at birth, you nearly die. You go home, thinking things will be ok (or maybe in shock still). Then you're so weak, so tired. She may have felt like a failure. Undoubtedly at some point in time she thought to herself "I made a mistake doing this". Who wouldn't? We women don't get pregnant (especially the first time) ever DREAMING this illness exists- or that we will be as sick as we get. The "boyfriend" is telling her to adopt- telling her Allison- what if you die? What will happen to the babies? Then she almost does die at their birth. Then she's home and mentally is disabled- her thinking completely affected and distorted- depressed, scared, hopeless, overwhelmed, questioning herself. Physically- exhuasted, weak, she's lost all "excess" fat, and she's lost alot of muscle as well (the body burns it up to sustain itself while in starvation mode) and she's probably in pain (common in an HG recovery). Some moms aren't even able to eat properly still post partum or maybe have very little appetite. The boyfriend contacts several lawyers. They bring her in. Another thing that was edited was that Allsion did NOT think this was a permanent placement. She NEVER did think she would never have her kids again.

After the 911 call, she's taken alone back to her home with the babies and no help. She's so weak she can't even get two babies and two car seats into a car. I know this experience personally. There were times I did actually feel VERY stranded. Like Allison I suffered HG til the end of my twin pregnancy and like her I had life threatening complications and was very very ill. I too had an emergency c/s to protect MY health. I went home, still unable to eat, underweight, anemic and in pain. I, however was married and 20 years younger than Allison. My c/s was a traumtically painful experience and as a result of that and the HG I too was left with PPD and PTSD. I suffered anxiety for the first time in my life. At teh worst, I didn't even care what happened to me- I had suicidal ideation at times. Mostly I was gripped with anxiety. I was most literally unable to take my two 5 lb babies in their car seats to the car. I was post C/S and could barely walk. Getting my babies to the hospital for a Dr appointment involved 5 trips to the car. One trip per  8 lb car seat, one trip per baby, one trip for me and the baby bag. I couldn't pack in the double stroller in the car. It weighed over 35 lbs.

Having done the twin thing too, there were times I had to make the logistical decisions about WHO stays a few feet behind while I physically get the other baby to a car. Many times I would have to ask my older son (was who 5 at the time) to stay behind and watch his sister. (We don't have a usuable garage, so just getting babies in the house meant leaving one behind out in front of the hosue for a brief moment). Being in that physical and mental state- being told "you've made a mistake" over and over, yeah... that's coercion. That's exploitation.

Allsion did in fact hire help, I don't know all the details but I know she hired a part time nanny. Remember she was 47- her parents did not live close by, neither did her sister (out of state) and her parents are elderly with their own medical problems. I don't know where any other family was, or where her friends were- obviously they weren't there ENOUGH for her. But I can't fault HER for not advocating enough for herself. In that mental state (esp right at 6 weeks when PPD and PTSD would likely fully manefesting) she couldn't even probably MAKE those rational decisions to GET the help she did need.