Messages By: jillofark

Dr. Phil,

I may not be able to get my wish, like so many things I wish for these days, but I am going through the most severe and frightening health crisis right now and when I finally catch the only thing in the world in the media addressing hyperemesis gravidarum, I catch only the last five minutes of your show.  Regardless of that, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my soul, which is mostly all I have left right now--a slight exaggeration, but not far off the mark!

I've read some of the online info from the show and it is so comforting to know somebody is just explaining for me and so many other women are living this condition I am now living.  After closing my internet business and being unable to care for even myself, let alone my husband and five year old for nearly four months, even the idea of this program gives me a rare shot of elation after feeling nearly dead.

The most powerful medicine I can take:

I am currently trying to conserve the oral pill form (which I can't keep down) of a medication that my insurance denied me in IV form.  The medication causes migraines for me, for which I can only take Tylenol, which I cannot keep down either

. 

COST: It costs nearly $500 for FOUR DAYS WORTH of the GENERIC form of Zophran, which is the strongest medication I can get--and my insurance would only pay for four days of it per month.  Granted, it's expensive, but please, readers and viewers, keep in mind the burden on a family financially if this claim denial occurs!  Some women recover from this but many others suffer for 5 months, 7 months, or even the entire 9 months--living in and out of the hospital to get IV fluids and IV medications so they won't die.  Yes, die is definitely the word here.

The drug I'm unable to get enough of:

ZOPHRAN:  It's A DRUG DESIGNED FOR CHEMOTHERAPY PATIENTS SUFFERING FROM THESE SYMPTOMS-- to give the most unsympathetic respondents here some idea of how the condition operates.  THINK ABOUT THAT.  Can there really be so little sympathy for the woman at the center of the current controversy, if people knew just how frightening a woman's life could become suffering the full onslaught of chemotherapy-style symptoms but not being able to actually do anything effective medically for them because that woman is also simultaneously trying to preserve the health and well-being of her unborn child/children.  Imagine staring down the double barrel of twins, and to top that off, suffering with apparently no support system.  I am blessed to have a husband who can care for my daughter, who can cook and clean somehow helping us string along until hopefully things improve somehow.  He is sick and exhausted and works 60-70 hours per week at work only to come home to work full time here as well. 

BUT NOT EVERYBODY IS BLESSED WITH A SUPPORT SYSTEM  My own mother suffered this condition for 7 months with her second child and no support system, only to end up nearly dying of preeclampsia, which can cause stroke, seizure, and death for mother and child, etc.

Disclaimer with a catch:

I do not know the full story as of yet of the woman who gave up her twins, but I have wished many times that I was dead rather than suffer this any longer.  Release, during days and days of suffering, seems like such a desirable thing.  IF THAT WOMAN READS THIS, PLEASE KNOW YOU HAVE MY EMPATHY AND SYMPATHY.  I have wished I was dead and have had more dark moments that I can count or would wish to count.  I have wondered how many women seek abortion as a way to end this condition (since it quickly makes its presence known in the first trimester).  I would have to choose differently, myself, but could it be a thing of bravery just to suffer this just to give those children a chance at life, regardless of caving in to adoption at a terrible time of personal crisis and psychological chaos.  Trust this: the chaos is real.  THIS WOMAN WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO CARRY THOSE TWINS AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO LIVE REGARDLESS OF HER OWN LONG SUFFERING....Every day society gives so much more credence to suffering for smaller amounts of time and suffering with no recognizable noble purpose beyond just a "will to survive."   Would it be that hard to have some empathy for this poor mother?  To say, at least, I can't judge because I just have never been there....would that be so hard to do?

 Mostly I hope that more people will now respect the condition more.  Morning sickness is terrible in its own right, I've been there.  But Hyperemesis gravidarum does truly mirror a terminal illness.  I am unable to leave the couch, and have not had a shower for months.  My husband has to guard me while I bathe laying down because I have gone unconscious while bathing in the tub.  Dizziness and nausea so powerful and sudden and yet naggingly constant--Acid reflux beyond gastro-esophogheal reflux disease to the point  that your stomach hates you, that you vomit all you have or ever had and then you vomit CUPS of thick acid or nothing for hours on end.  This is hard to read about and is not all there is.

I was asked in a routine medical questionaire during this if I had ever been bulimic, anorexic, etc.  My deepest reponse to anything in months came in the form of the answer: "Who the hell would do this to themselves...ever!."  And yet there seems to be so much more empathy for those who voluntarily do this as part of their disease or addictions than there seems to be for the mother highlighted in the show.  Regardless of her actions, the condition is just as severe and more dangerous in that it endangers more than just the life of the mother.

For my part, the hardest thing to suffer here is the loss of life and livelihood.  To not be able to go outside, on a walk, to not be safe to drive, to feel ill while being driven, to struggle to stay conscious while going up and down stairs, to be unable to stand and do laundry, or even sit here and type this letter for more than a few minutes at a time before needing to go lay down again.  These are the things that you can't do....and yes, they say that you should think about the baby or that you would feel better is you would just get up...(?!).  Patronizing a woman who wishes she could die, a woman who has suffered regular pregnancy symptoms and is well-seasoned to suffering in many arenas, is the worst a person can do--it signifies a lack of respect for her and also implies that she should feel, on top of her malaise and depression and trying physical symptoms, a guilt for feeling those things....that she is not thinking of the baby enough or that she should pull herself up by her nauseated seasick 24-hour nightmare bootstraps.  Mental toughness cannot control this condition.  Trust me, consant meditation, self-hypnosis, things I have trained for for success in natural childbirth, do nothing here.

Let me tell anybody who doubts this condition as a serious one, it is only made more serious by hardheartedness and carelessness of others.  Sadly, the very worst thing I suffer each day is my loss as a part of life, as a part of the lives of others.  I have become at a young age, critically aware of the way people abandon and forget you in times of trouble.  Where is that support system I gave so much of my own self to, in order to be there for others?  It's just gone.

People do not visit, they don't show they care, they don't listen, they don't show up to help.  All of the things I take time to do, that  people, in general, do for sufferers of terminal illness or chemotherapy or just plain grief and personal disaster they don't do for somebody who is suffering a complete breakdown of their home and work lives, destruction of their ability to cope or to take care of anything they are responsible for.  A friendly visit or phone call.....heck, showing up with a hug, a bowl of jello or a gatorade for mom, or a meal for the family of the woman who can't cook because all food smells make her more and more ill........PLEASE PEOPLE: do these things if you want to be full of tremendous self-pride, rather than judge next time you know somebody going through this!  This is not a hysterical play for attention and it is a serious detriment to women and their families. 

Child abduction is no joke but people, please have some empathy for the woman who lost them.  Somebody above mentioned that "cleaning up puke" is what partly defines a real parent, not blood.  Now whose puke are we talking about!

My perspectives follow later.

Thanks!

J

Sorry!  I have HG and we are all about organic.  When I can eat.  The truth is that there is no keeping anything down.

I do know it has to to do with hormone levels and think you could have some good ideas, but it is also universal and I have known many women, vegans, vegetarians, organic-purchasers, non fast foodists, suffering also.

Weight also seems to have nothing to do with it.

I have HG right now and sadly, not all families and friends are created equal.

Not all churches are created equal.

Not everybody has support from even one person.

I have my husband and that is all.  It is enough...but I feel terrible for the biological mother of those twins.

Hey,

You have all of my mental hugs and tears and sympathy.

I am about 14 weeks right now and right there with you.  I can't even hold my daughter 99 percent of the time because her slightest movement makes me ill or hot or makes my gag reflex too strong (!)

Same thing with the husband doing it all, the bathing problems, etc.

My response follows later in the queue here, but just wanted you to know you're not alone and that somebody listened.

Jillofark