Messages By: ladyehawke

 I'm so glad Grace's mom believed her & is protecting her & supporting her.  Grace's dad needs to get help.  He's emotionally unavailable.  If he is unwilling to give his daughter his full support, he needs to leave.  The grandparents lost any right to be w/ Grace when they chose to break their sacred trust.  I wish my mom would have supported me.  Counseling helped.  Then, we became part of what we now understand is a spiritually abusive group.  This pain is just as strong as realizing my family of origin was abusive.  I've started counseling again.  If Grace receives the help she needs now, hopefully, she won't fall into such a trap as i did.

 This family seems to thrive on drama.  Carrie is the scapegoat for a larger problem--the entire family.  Of course Carrie has problems...she grew up in that dysfunctional household.  I hope that she is willing to get professional help for herself and what her family of origin wants to do is up to them.   I chose to sever connections with my family of origin 22 years ago as a result of counseling.  I saw no other way as their violent unacceptable behavior became soooooooo clear to me.  I did not want my children around them at all.  Today, my adult children are grateful for my decision.  Oh, my husband and I attempted to at least meet with my parents to see if we could at least talk about some issues.  It had been nearly twenty years since we met and all my parents could do was blame, blame, blame.  Nothing changed.  I am glad to be away from their continued family drama.  I'm enjoying my children and grandchildren and they enjoy being with me and their dad. 

 Having grown up in a violent, abusive family, witnessing as well as hearing the abuse between my parents, being abused by my parents...contrary to some people's opinions, I was most definitely affected by the physical and verbal abuse.  Attending support groups--Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon, open AA meetings-- is helping me to deal with how I view myself as well as others.  Sadly, our society, which includes the Christian community, tends to look the other way.  Children suffer for their parents' (live-ins, revolving-door partners, whatever you care to refer to them) decisions.  Commenting on this particular couple, the proof is on both to demonstrate change for the better.  The children need to witness consistent progress from both their parents.  Progress and not perfection.  Mistakes are one thing.  Make the necessary amends to ensure health for all involved.  Consistent abusive behavior, however, must never to be acceptable or ignored or treated lightly.

 Punched?  Kicked?  Yelling?  Screaming?  No!!!!!!  Unacceptable behavior.  Must be treated special?  No.  Get counseling.  Please, get help.  Having grown up in a violent, abusive house, I beg you to get help.  Children aren't stupid, dumb, or unaware.  Children see what's going on; children feel what's going on.  They do not forget.  You all obviously remember.  It's all right to admit that you need help.  That is, if you are willing to admit your powerlessness over each other.  If not...., have the guts to end the relationship before you inflict further damage on each other and the children.

Think!  Rather than choosing to remain self-centered, egotistical, the "world revolves around me" small-minded individuals, do something different!  Do they even recognize, first of all, that their behavior is soooooooo outlandish?  It's destroying them along with their families.  My main concern regards the welfare of the children.  Oh, how my heart goes out to these precious ones.  Adults are capable of making choices.  Children, especially young ones, do not have such opportunities.  Please, if for only your children, stop, stop, stop what you are doing!  Admit that you are in need of help.  Then, get help. 

 I hope and pray that these two sisters will choose to get help if only for the children.  It would be a start.  They suffered through their parents' poor choices.  I'm so sorry that they had to live through that.  However, that does not excuse them from hurting their children.  They can decide to break the abuse cycle and give their children a fighting chance in the world.

 1st, thanks to all who posted.  We are the brave ones; we are the couragious ones.  I don't know that I'll be able to watch this program.  I'd want to ask "she who gave birth" to this precious lady, "What were you thinking?"  I'd want to ask the "biological sperm bank" , "What were you thinking?"  I was about age 4 when my father began making nightly visits.  His one brother molested me, I think just once.  My father used to take me to the bars.  One time, if I recall correctly the patrons "played" with me.  My mother physically, verbally, emotionally abused me.  The sexual assaults stopped, at least, from them when my youngest sister turned about age 4.  I tried in 1985, when I was yet in counseling, to confront my parents.  They denied it.  My mother said that I was making it up and to just forget about it.  She also said that I must have enjoyed what my uncle had done.  I stopped any contact w/ them after that.  They haven't seen my four wonderful children, attended any weddings, or seen my grandchildren.  My husband and I made one more attempt in 2003.  My father exploded -- nothing new -- and my mother talked about how hard life had been for her living with him.  That's it.

 Ohhhh, just listening to her, watching her...she sounds so much like my mother that I could just scream.  She doesn't get it at all!  Not at all.  And, I doubt that she ever will because she has to be right.

 He didn't explode when Dr. Phil questioned him.  My father exploded when I dared to bring up what his one brother did to me.  He took his dead's brother's side over me.  Then, when I pressed it further to him, ohhh, no way.  He denied ever taking me to the bars.  What a liar!!!  What can I expect from a drunk?

 She's done some reading and she still is putting this on her daughter... saying that her daughter has an attitude?  You bet Heidi has an attitude!  As for forgiveness...it truly is a process.  It is not a one time, "Oh, I forgive so and so for sexually assaulting me.  I forgive so and so for not stopping it."  Grief is also involved.  Ohhh, I'm just in tears.