Message Boards
Messages By: twox2mns0
|
April 22, 2007, 6:31 pm PDT
 Quote From: ltalucci Regarding Amanda, Pierre, and Yolande- I have to say, not one of them seems to have respect for each other. Amanda needs to know, that Pierre will not put himself in the middle of a situation when it comes to his mother, that's just the way it is. Amanda needs to respect the fact that Yolande is the woman that raised the man she loves, and no matter what, in Yolande eyes there isn't a woman that is good enough for her son. I'm not saying that Yolande is right, however Amanda needs to give her mother-in-law a chance to see that she can live up to her expectations of the perfect wife for her son, this falls under the catagory that you always want the best for your children. Amanda needs to always know, and remember that no matter what, that is his mother and respect her for her position in the family.
John and Chrissy- You both need to realize that a slap today, will be a closed fist punch tomorrow. Sounds to me that Charlene is trying to protect her grandchild. Why would any parent want their child growing up in an environment where his parents are physically and verbally fighting? They need to read and live by that poem titled "Children Learn What they Live." It sounds to me that they don't love each other enough, to accept, respect, and celebrate each others differences. They obviously can't even put their differences aside for the sake of their child. Sure, the baby is a baby now, but he is growing and learning from his environment, how can you, as parents, the people he depends upon to love and protect him, allow him to live in this manner. My daughter is 19, although she is away at college now, and not home as much, we still do not fight in front of her, nor have we ever, ever raised our hands to each other, whether alone or not. Maybe we are fortunate, we don't fight, maybe a debate, never a fight. I have seen parents that have fought in front of their children, and I have to say, those children have grown up with problems. Please, if you can't love and respect each other at least love your son enough, and not get married, maybe you will get along much better. Although, this would not be the conventional family, it would promote a healthier mind for your son, as well as a happy child. When we marry, we are to leave our parents and cleave unto our spouses. It's necessary for adult children to set boundary lines that need to be respected by everyone outside the marital walls. I wonder what the parents would do should the roles be reversed and their adult son begins to tell them how to live their lives...hmmm...they would no doubt protest, wouldn't they?? Any parent who doesn't respect the privacy of their children and their families does not care about what's in their best interest, only that their every whim be served. I call those parents, selfishly controlling and home wreckers. That 40 year old BOY needs to protect his family from his overly controlling, disrespectful mother, and set some boundary lines. He can do that without being disrespectful to her, by just considering what is in his wife's and his child's best interest, and learning to say no. His mother obviously doesn't care what is happening to his family. Shame on her!! And shame on him for allowing it to go on. A loving mother raises a good son to be a good man, and then lovingly, and respectfully shares him as he makes his own choices in HIS world, as a MAN, not her BOY. No wife needs to learn to be subservient to a controlling terror of a mother-in-law. If the mother-in-law wants to be respected by her daughter-in-law, she can darn well earn it. It's not a given, just because she carries the title of mother. Her position in her extended family is NOT to cause trouble. |
|
|
May 6, 2007, 2:43 pm PDT
Quote From: carina_dancer hi! my name
is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one
of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to
become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american
.. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance
(TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo
full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we
were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on...
the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very
long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else
went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance
teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in
restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance
magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ...
she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend"
(she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes
and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend
of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home
2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days
with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise
her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I
think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when
we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me
to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she
is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I
got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean okay when
we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she
printed out... she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet -
fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her
side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin
and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she
asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on
... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't
see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than
me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do
something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I
can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the
reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!)
she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to
tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell
them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I
had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much
attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I
wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I
tried to gain... Little one...if you do have an eating disorder it can become very dangerous for you. Hopefully, that's not the case. If dancing is your passion and you want it to be your profession, REMEMBER, you need strong bones. You have to nourish your bones by following good nutrition. It won't make you fat, but it will promote good muscle health and strength, and give you good bone density. When you don't eat enough, your body will take nourishment out of your muscles...then your muscles will begin to shrink, and your bones will become weak and brittle. They will break, even if you step off a sidewalk. A weak body is a target for any kind of infection, as well. Your leg bones could become infected, and you will have to have surgery or it might kill you. At the very least, it will cripple you. This is just a small part of what could happen to you if you don't treat your body well, so please listen to the wisdom of those concerned about you. Sometimes people think that tough love will influence another to change harmful behavior, but until that other person admits they have a problem, it doesn't work. Your friends are suffering too, from worry for you, but they don't have enough experience in life to know how to positively respond to you...except to fight it or be critical of you. It begins with you...and it's a simple choice. LIFE or DEATH??
|
|
|
May 24, 2007, 1:18 pm PDT
Quote From: sunshine80 I have been on these boards since 2003 and I have had my ups and downs but I am sick of the reality that I accept. I made some really bad decisions as a teenager that continued into my early 20's. I am hardly the only person who has done that! I married a man who literally tortured me emotionally and physically. I have bipolar disorder and have had it since infancy, but wasn't treated until I was 22, and had been tortured for 6 long years and we had three babies, and we placed our fourth for adoption. When I went into the hospital for treatment my husband started cheating on me with my best friend. She was going to lose her house so I invited her to live with us in our house. It was big enough. They were cheating and trying to get me to commit suicide and I know it and so does everyone else. Ya know what, it didn't work. I am so much stronger than that. I am telling this story again because I always felt that i "was left" (because I was cheated on) and it acknowledged that i was a victim and these horrible things did happen. Truth be told, I was the one who was agoraphobic, severely mentally ill, could hardly say my name if asked. Yet I was the one who stood up and PHYSICALLY left the house and marriage. I did try to make it work, but I always thought that somehow, me leaving meant that it was me who ruined everything. I felt ashamed of walking away from my marriage but I have no business feeling ashamed for having the courage to grab my kids and leave that hell-hole. I should be proud of that. I have progressed in my treatment, and have stayed on my meds which is also something that i should be proud of. I have made some friends. This is a big step as I only had 2 people in my life and that was my best friend and my husband and they both violated any trust and respect that I had for them. I am so sick of feeling like a victim of my circumstances!!!! My whole life I have been terrified of people and trusting people. I have held a steady job for 4 years now and I am a waitress. I am learning that there are kind-hearted people out there. I am not weird or unloveable, I am actually well-liked. I want to reconnect to with some of my former (good) friends who stood by me and tried to help me as long as they could stand it. I want to apologize to them for not respecting their loving advice and thank them for the support that they gave me. I want to see them and smile with them and laugh with them again. I have been tied down by shame and still in the abusive prison for far too long. I am ready to take action and live up to my full potential Good for you! Take action...you don't have to be a victim living with bi-polar. It requires proper treatment, and no one has the right to affect what you need to be doing for yourself. You have to care about you...and your children. You're not responsible for your husband cheating on you, especially with your best friend...someone you tried to help. They made that choice on their own. You're the strong one...your husband gave in to his weaknesses, when you were down and out, and you recovered to rise above all of it. You have shown you don't need him or anyone like him in your life. Stay on your meds...bi-polar is a chronic mental illness...through no fault of yours, what-so-ever. It's like any other chronic illness, it needs treatment for you to be able to function properly to maintain your independence and quality of life. Keep moving forward. |
|
|
May 27, 2007, 2:00 pm PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
Don't be insensitive to his daughters' needs regardless of his Ex. His daughter was there before you, and he needs you to be supportive of his situation, not set ultimatums. How can you expect him to abandon his daughter and take himself away from her to set boundary lines with his Ex that would please you?? It would traumatize his child and further enrage his ex-wife. Bi-polar or not. When he said your reactions are causing him stress why are you not listening to him? He means it, and it's not against you. You're making him choose, and how can a loving father and a loving boyfriend (your description) not be in a dilemma over that? Would you settle for that concerning your own children if you were in his shoes?? I doubt it. Suck it up...respond to what's in his child's best interest or get out of their lives. He might get over losing you, but he won't put his daughter in the position of losing him. She's only six, and you're 46. You're pitting yourself against a child, not the Ex. The Ex will be rubbing her hands, because she succeeded in breaking up your relationship. She will try it with any woman he brings into his life. She's mean and arrogant, and doesn't care about her childs' feelings. She will tell that innocent child in the cruelest of ways that her Daddy doesn't care about her, if he gives in to your pressures about setting boundary lines. So far, you, too, are just showing your boyfriend that you don't care that he care's about his childs' needs, and he might end his relationship with you, before you get the chance. A lot of divorced Daddies can't put their children on the back burner, contrary to popular belief. |
|
|
May 28, 2007, 12:02 pm PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm sorry if I gave off the impression that I would ever try to stand in the way of my BF and his child. Not at all. I encourage their relationship and support them in every way I can. I respect the parent/child relationship....and would not ask him to do anything to jeopardize his relationship with her.
He and his ex have joint custody and it's basically one week on, one week off. They have their child each half the time. It doesn't matter if she's here with us or with her mom...the drama is all the time and it gets frustrating and disruptive for us and our home. They each call every night to say goodnight to their daughter and I have absolutely no problems with that. Only when she insists on dragging me into it and overstepping what should be her boundaries. I believe they should call only when it pertains to their daughter and what's best for her but, that doesn't happen. The ex insists on interjecting herself into our lives and home and future plans ect.. I don't believe it's any of her business. She knows my BF is a great father and has no problems leaving their daughter with us for a week or more at a time so, why call his job and family members to tell them he's a drug addict and needs to go to rehab and be drug tested, which is completely untrue! Those are the 'limitations' and 'boundaries' I'm suggesting here. She can't keep her nose out of our lives and actively seeks new ways to cause us pain and upset.....on a regular basis. It's because she can't or won't try to stay civil and keep to the subject of the welfare of their child that I have a hard time dealing with. I just think the communication should be kept for the sole purpose of visitation changes, illness, emergencies....the nightly 'goodnight' call and that's it. I didn't mean to offend you. No matter what...children, in these situations, need to come first regardless of the circumstances. However, it's telling that your boyfriend is allowing his guilt, for not being wholely in his daughters' life, to over ride his responsibility as a companion in a committed relationship. Perhaps, what you think is right needs to begin or end with him, and not the Ex. Either/or, your position needs to be acknowledged, and not be taken for granted by him. |
|
|
November 12, 2007, 10:01 am PST
Quote From: cocowgirl1959 I was very shocked ,while watching Friday's show, when I heard Dr.Phil something that didn't sit well with me. Here he is talking about racism and what comes out of his mouth?? He makes a comment about teen girls "getting pregnant 2 years from now, being on welfare, a child strapped to each leg, no future what so ever, and living in a trailor somewhere!" Does this mean that every person who lives in a trailor is lumped into this category. Why a trailor? Why not a no-tell motel? Or an apt.? I have known people that live in trailors and they are wonderful people. This sounds like Dr.Phil thinks that living in a trailor is a bad thing!!!!!!!!! Sounds like that phrase " TRAILOR TRASH." That is a type of racism as far as I'm concerned! After I heard Dr. Phils' durogatory comments about teenage pregnancy and trailer living I sat there with my mouth hanging open. My mother lived in a trailer community for years, after retiring, and she was very happy in that lifestyle. She was alone, on a fixed income, and wanted to live independently in what she could afford. She also felt completely secure in her surroundings because everyone looked out for one another. I have two daughters, each left with two babies to raise, (not as teenagers, but as young women) and they have been incredibly strong and responsible in raising their children. Unfortunately, their relationships did not work out for them, but no one can fault them for not trying to keep their families together. I was disappointed in Dr. Phils' grandstanding and lack of humility on this particular show.
|
|
|
December 11, 2007, 2:56 pm PST
Quote From: hisbestfriend I am engaged to a wonderful man who lost his wife to cancer over 10 years ago during the Christmas holidays. We love each other very much and have a very open and honest relationship.
He is unable to celebrate this holiday and other significant days and I feel for him and understand to the extent that I am able, but how do I get through it with my own happiness about the season without making it harder for him?
I have 2 older children and would like to keep our own traditions going and involve him in them. He has done very well on other significant days in the past to keep his emotions in check and I didn't realize how hard it was for him until last night when we had planned on shopping for our families and he became very "hard" all of a sudden. I didn't realize the impact of it until we came back home and I brought it up so that we could get it out in the open and to let him know that I can deal with it as long as I know what is happening.
He was very open with me about his feelings and letting me see his vulnerability and even though I haven't been through it myself, I am very touched by the love and devotion he felt towards her. It's one of the reasons for my attraction to him in the first place.
My concern is adding to his already fragile state. Ultimately, this season for me is about keeping up "traditions" with my own children and extended family, but just as importantly, for my fiancee and I to create our own nice memories of the season and based on our conversation last night, I don't see how that will happen with the grief he is still experiencing. Any advice or experience with this from anyone here is very much appreciated.
Thank you You're not making Christmas hard for your Fiance...he is, but not deliberately. Complicated grief is difficult to live with. Ten years is a long time, but to him, his loss could seem like yesterday. He wants to move on with his life or he would not be with you. Guilt for wanting to love and laugh again might be keeping him down. He might feel like he's betraying his deceased wife and won't give himself permission to completely move on with his life. There are many things that can be catalysts to his grief. Sometimes they can't be separated. Complicated grief can cause depression, sadness, anger/rage, hostility, resentment, severe remorse, helplessness, and turning off memories is impossible. Perhaps he doesn't know how to manage being a survivor, and he might need grief counselling. Just be happy around him and maybe it will rub off. |
|
|
January 6, 2008, 11:56 am PST
Quote From: courtney_5 As soon as my son was born I knew there was something wrong. The doctor laid him in my arms and all I could think was, "Oh my God... What the hell have I done?" He was so beautiful, but at the time I couldn't see that at all. I stayed in the hospital for roughly three days, and during that time I just wanted to scream at everyone who came to visit. I just wanted to be left alone. When we arrived home with our new son alll I did was cry. My fiance was going to have to go back to work the next day and then there was just going to be me. I would feel angry when people would call asking how the baby was doing. "He's FINE! Why don't you ask me how I'M doing!? I'm the one suffering!!" I didn't actually say that... but oh how I wanted to. I felt so many different emotions. Anger. Guilt. Betrayel. Sadness. You name it, I felt it. I talked to my doctor a few months later when I realized that my feelings were getting much worse. He referred me to a councillor who was definatly good to talk to. The only problem was my fiance was scared about what I was going to say to her. I told him I was going to tell her the truth about how I felt! One day when he came home I was crying, and I told him that earlier I had wanted to shake our son so bad. I cried and cried. How could a mother actually want to do that? I was now officially a monster. So, my fiance was worried that I was going to tell the councillor that and we would have Connor taken from us. Part of me thought, "So what?" But I still had a bit of rationality left me. I could go on and on about my struggles for the first 2 years of his life, but I won't. People told me it would get better, and it did. Even though I truly didn't believe it at all. I started college in September, and one of our classes was a 'public speaking' class. Every week we would have to present speeches to our classmates. We started by doing a one minute speech, and worked our way up to a 10 minute speech. That speech was our final presentation. I knew what I was going to do for my topic. I produced an awesome slideshow about the baby blues, postpartum depression, and post partum psychosis. I wanted to bring awareness to these issues that many people still know nothing about. My class loved it. I had people coming up to me later saying how much they learned. To me I think that was like my last stage in my road to recovery. I think I needed to stand up in front of a group of strangers and say, "I had postpartum depression." Let me tell you, it felt wonderful! You have done a tremendous service to new moms and new moms to be by posting your information. Maybe to new dads, too. As I see it, this door has only been partly opened by the medical profession.
I had the psychosis complication of post partum. That was a trip to say the least. By the time my daughter was three months old, I was put on medication after seeing my doctor several times. He referred me to an idiot Psychiatrist. Both were too ignorant concerning post partum symptoms.
They treated me, but did not EXPLAIN anything to me, so I was put on two drugs that I became addicted to in a very short time. After two years of addiction, it took two months of teeth clenching determination to break free of the affects, but I succeeded, and then I educated myself about this illness. If I had been properly informed about post partum depression I could have helped myself more at the time.
Keep it up!
|
|
|
February 13, 2008, 4:26 pm PST
Quote From: ecandf I have been an avid watcher ever since you have been on the air. I have never been so compelled to write as I am right now after watching today's show. I am appalled and cannot believe 'YOU' shook that 'B******S' hand not once but TWICE. You should of had him arrested on the spot, to keep him away from other children. He was disgusting in every sense of the word, and should be held accountable for his actions. As I recall there is no statue of limitations on sexual abuse on a child and want you to report him to stop the spread of this terrible problem with our children. Myself being the father of three girls would kill the b*****d and spend the rest of my life behind bars, if someone touched my daughter that way. HE NEEDS TO BE OFF THE STREETS NOW !!! Me, too...I can't believe Dr. Phil shook his hand! Gag!! Spit!! Choke!! All he had to do was keep his hands wrapped around the white pamphlet and walk past him. He should have convinced Heidi to press charges and had the Police waiting in the wings with an arrest warrant. That would have been something to see on his show, instead of the bloody handshakes. Maybe it will become a reality. He admitted, on national TV, that he's a Pedophile and child molester... guilty, guilty, guilty. I hope something more is done about him.
|
|
|
June 12, 2008, 7:09 pm PDT
Unless you walk a mile in their shoes, lighten up. I suppose you have the same attitude towards the overweight, as well. Young people are vulnerable to criticism from others, and a lot do not know how to protect their self-esteem, so they exert control in other ways. Adults engage in the same behaviors, so be careful not to be so self-righteous...anything could happen to you that might be out of your control, as well. THEN WHAT?? Would you expect someone to come along and bully you in your situation not knowing what the hell you might be going through.?? Somehow, I doubt it!!
|
|
