Nothing that I ever did was right. No matter what my achievements (and I did the best and in certain things was the best) nothing was ever praised. Just expected to do at home what a mother usually would do. Cook, clean, wash, iron. I did it and when I moved away from home I was happy that I had all that experience...no matter how I hated doing it at the time.
Getting smacked and hit, for no apparent reason is another thing. What it did for me, was teach me. What else could it do but teach me? There was no way to fight back. It taught me NOT to ever behave in that manner when I started a family of my own.
Parents do not seem to realize what they do to children when they take out their frustrations and hatred on them. Makes one look at your grandparents and wonder where they got your mom from.
I was fortunate to meet someone who took me so far away from my family, that if I lived forever I would not have time to thank him enough.
At the same time I did visit as often as I could. I treated my mother with respect and love. We never spoke about her treatment of me while I was growing up and that suited me (at the time). Now that she is no longer with us, I know that we should have cleared the air.
There were times, when I saw my mother and my two children together, and the love she showed them...that I wanted to say, as Bill Cosby said, "this woman is not the same woman who gave birth to me"...even though the water under the bridge was still trickling, the bridge was long gone.
Single mothers, who cannot afford to keep the baby, now have places they can safely drop the baby off. Why is there no place for a child to go, in safety, to speak to someone when they are being physically abused by a parent? Because a child is being abused, it does not mean that the child wants to be removed from the family. They just want it to stop and for the family to function in love and happiness. You can kick a dog, but that same dog will still love you after the hurt goes away. But NOT forever if you keep kicking him.
I leant my lesson well. I refrained from this kind of treatment in raising my two children....and love and kindness does show in both of them. That is now being transferred to my two grandchildren. With all this love, I cannot be too harsh in my feelings concerning the treatement I received.
Who knows why my mother was the way she was.....I never thought to ask.
I love you Mommy, I did then and always will. Perhaps now, you are watching over us.
