Messages By: danielamado

I'm not married, but I do have family members that are married with in-laws that will drive you nuts.  There are also in-laws that are very respectful.  Everyone is different.  Each person has their own personality, drama and problems in life.  I see too  many people butting into other people's business and causing havoc, but the person I think to blame is the one who reacts to that havoc.  Bad people and bad things will come your way.  Whether it's in the family, from the family or other families, of just life itself bad things and people are around.  We have a choice to become victims of the situation or overcome the situation.  It is normally the stronger person who will overcome.  If an in-law is that much trouble, then stay away and mind your own business.  If they are coming at you then ignore them.  They are not attacking you physically where you have to defend yourself.  If they say something about you that's not true blow it off, unless it is true.  Insecure people worry too much about what others say or think of them.  Instead of worrying about that why don't you build up your character and become secure in who you are.  I know words can hurt because everyone has a breaking point, but when it causes chaos in the family someone has to rise to the occasion and be the better person.

First of all, I want to say that I feel a little sorry for Stephanie because it is usually hard for anyone who is addicted to anything to stop.  Especially if something about that addiction makes them feel good, even for a second.  One thing I noticed about her is that she really wanted to change.  She kept going back to when she "used to" babysit and she missed and enjoyed it.  She also hated calling herself a "junkie".  The good thing is she recognized the problem.  How many addicts out there would even recognize the fact that they're addicts.

 

Secondly, her mother needs to realize that she leads by example.  She's the mother.  She said, "when do children listen to their parents?"  The answer to that is when the parent cares enough to take action.  You can't expect her to listen to you about not taking drugs when she see's you getting drunk all your life.  I mean you're not even helping your daughter out....let alone leading her in the right direction.  Yah you made mistakes when you were young.  GET OVER IT!!!  She's full of excuses and never taking responsibility for her own actions.  She's weak and she needs to wake up before she really does lose her daughter.  Maybe even herself.

 

Third, that boyfriend has to go.  He's no good.  He's trash to her.  No good boyfriend would abuse their girlfriend.  Even better, no good man would even think about laying a hand on a women.  LOSER!!!  Move on.  She deserves better. 

 

Fourth, I understand how she feels with what she went through with her father.  That is a tough situation, but you gotta let that go.  Keeping all those feelings inside you will just tear you up.  I learned something in life that has freed me to this point.  It's called forgiveness.  It's hard to forgive, but when you do you'll realize that all that time you held unforgiveness toward that person didn't even bother them at all.  You'll realize that you were only hurting yourself all that time.  It's hard, but you need to forgive. 

 I know that Jane is upset at what's going on, but one thing I learned in life.  "It's not what you say, but how you say it."  Your tone of voice matters a lot in what you say.  That's why when Jane says one thing Michelle hears something else.  You don't mean to sound mean, but you are.  Communication is good, but attitude behind the communication means more.

 

Jane is also upset that Michelle stole her only son away from her. Come on!!!  Let him go and let him live his own life.  If that is the case then even if Jay were to marry someone else Jane will be upset because she "stole" him away.  Please.....WAKE UP!!!  The truth is Jane doesn't want Jay to marry anyone.  She wants to keep him to herself.  She doesn't know how to let go being the fact that she only has one child.

 

Jay's aunt Gail should just butt out of the conversation.  Say what you need to say and SHUT UP!!!  This isn't even her fight.  Butting in only makes the situation worse like she's any better.  At least Michelle's mom Shannon at least knows what's going on but she doesn't stick her nose all up in her daughter's business.  She knows it's something they have to work out, but she's there to support her daughter.

 

As for the whole argument, once Jane deals with hers issues and Michelle checks herself everything will start to cool down.  Until then, they will continue to bite off each other's head.  Jane has to learn how to let go of her son and grow up.  Michelle needs to learn how to respect elders.

I'm sorry, but this grandmother is really a bitch from hell.  I never feel this way about people at all, but she is so self righteous and selfish.  She blames EVERYBODY for what they do wrong, but NEVER accepting any repsonsibility for her own actions.  She can stand her ground and assume all the things her daughter is telling her grandson, but she will not admit anything she said to anyone else.  She hasn't agreed to anything her daughter and grandson said that she said.  To me, if my grandmother told me something and I brought it to her attention later and she tells me that she never said that I wouldn't want to spend time with her either.  That just tells me that she's calling me a liar.  Rita IS a control freak and she won't admit it.  She's too busy blaming everone else for their mistakes and never taking responsibility for her own mistakes.......as if she's perfect.  I know how Koal feels.  My mom does the same thing to me.  My mom and dad is divorced and she puts me in the middle all the time.  "Ask your dad for this, ask your dad to do this...." I'm like "why don't you ask him yourself?"  My mom is also a control freak.  She tells me how to spend my money, how I should use my time, where I can and can't go. She's been doing that all my life and she tells me when I'm 18 I'm on my own, but I'm 35 and she still tries to control me.

 

Koal, being in the middle of all of this is hurting him.  All this fighting is leaving him a perfect example of how you want him to be when he grows up.  If that's not what you want then change your attitudes and deal with the fact that you're not only hurting each other.  You're hurting Koal too.

 

Grandma Rita needs to stop assuming everything.  If Koal says he doesn't want to be around you.....HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE AROUND YOU!!!  It's not because of what mommy and daddy said.  Even if it is what mommy and daddy said, if it's true he'll believe it.  And if he believes it you should listen.

 

Each person has their own personality, their own desires, their own dreams that they want to pursue.  Why do try to destroy other people's lives by controlling them thinking it's the best thing for them, but when you try to tell them something they will say that it's not the best thing for them.  Thell me....how do you know what's best for you but other people don't know what's best for them.  Controlling people need to put themselves out of other people's way.  You want to be controlling....control you cat or your dog. 

     I understand both cases here, but neither one of them is making it easier for the kids  which in turn makes it worse for themselves.  To be around a father like that would've scared me if i was a kid.  I don't think he should have custody over the kids, but at least have a supervised visitation rights.  As bad as a parent is I don't think you should cut them completely out of the kids life.  I think that should be the children's decision whether or not they want to see their dad.

 

     The mom living out of state is also a bad decision on her part.  Breaking the law is breaking the law.  Even if there is a great logical reason for it, it still looks bad in court.  Do what's right so that when you present your custody to court they will see that you are a fit parent for full custody, but I still don't think you should cut the children completely out of their father's life unless they don't want to see him again.

 

     If the children don't want to see him again that's their choice.  Their father can't get mad at anyone but himself.  Although, as crazy as he sounds, he'll end up blaming the mother for telling the kids that their father is a bad father.  The mother shouldn't be telling the kids that.  Let them find out on their own, with supervised visitation.

 

     The way I see it, once you put your life in the court's hands, you no longer have a complete freedom of what YOU want to do and say.  That's why it's important to follow their rules when they lay it.  If you don't, TO THEM, you are not a fit parent.  Some courts may look at the circumstances and may let you slide but they still tell them that you still should've confronted the court first before making any decisions on your own.  When you go to court you are allowing the judge to make your minds up for you and they will do it according to the best interest of the situation.

If he is cheating on her then he's wrong. If she's spying on him then she's wrong. The only reason the husband thinks spying on him is wrong is because he's probably cheating and doesn't wanna get caught.  If he's not cheating, then is he doing something to cause her to think he is cheating? If he's not cheating and she still spies on him then either she doesn't trust him or she's insecure in herself. 

 

They should not get married. They are not ready and if they do before they resolve their situations it will continue and lead to another divorce.

The smart thing about this is that you do need to watch out what you put online and who you talk to online for the reason of people stalking you online, giving wrong info about themselves, causing sexual relations with minors, etc. Sometimes is leads to kidnaps.

 

The bad thing about this is if i put in an application at a job, what I do on my personal time is my life.  I'm not applying for a "better life" job. I'm applying for a job so that I can pay my rent and bills.  If I have extra money and I love to party then I should be able to party. I'm not going to say "I can't party because someone might take a picture with me in it and it will affect my job".  If that's the case, then instead of paying me $12/hr. to do my job, why don't you pay me $50/hr. to do my job and live my life for you. I am worth more than what I get paid so if what I do on my personal time affects my job I should get paid more. 

 

Come on, we know that the person who's doing the hiring is just as bad as the person they're trying to hire.  But wo don't go online and say "hmmmm.....this is where I wanted to apply but the guy that was hiring me was seen on the internet doing something very bad. I don't want to work there." A JOB IS A JOB!!!  If I act the same way at my job as I do off of my job or if what I did the night before affects my job then it's my responsibility or it's my fault if I get fired. If you wanna hire someone who does no wrong then the person do the hiring or anyone else for that matter shouldn't have a job.

As far as teachers carrying guns to school goes......I'm against it, but  I'm also for protecting the students and teachers.  I think that if the teachers carry firearms the school may be better protected, but whoever is carrying a firearm MUST QUALIFY!!!  They MUST go through extensive background checks with the police dept., FBI, psychologist and ATF.  They MUST be capable of handling themselves above and beyond normal people. They won't be able to react to just any situation. PLUS, teachers who carry guns might be putting a target on them because kids will carry guns to school no matter what.  I really think the better situation for this is to upgrade your security.  It may look stupid but put metal detectors at each door.  Do random bus and car checks, but I don't think teachers with guns overall should be allowed.  However, I do know teachers who are capable of carrying firearms.

 

The drinking age, I think, should be pushed up to 25.  Kids who are younger who want to drink only does it for the partying.  No one really cares about the consequences of drinking.  So instead of letting young people drink and drive and kill innocent people then why not let them start later to drink.  Maybe by then they would think twice about how much fun drinking really is.  If the accident rate for drunk drivers killing innocent people were very minimum here in Las Vegas then I wouldn't care, but it seems to me that innocent lives are taken from drunk drivers and the drunk drivers only come out of the car with minor injuries.  That really frustrates me when innocent people die for the stupidity of others.  If you don't care about your life then take your own life. Don't go out of your way to drink, drive and kill innocent people. I would be happy if they banned alcohol PERIOD. It would save this country a whole lot of problems.  Or if you wanna keep alcohol around then limit the amount people are allowed to drink. So if a driver gets pulled over for drinking while intoxicated then the bartender or the person who sold that alcohol to you should also be responsible.  I believe the more strict our laws for alcohol, the better it would be.

 

The bus situation is the bus drivers fault.  I know some of the bus drivers are older adults but if you can stop it......stop it. if you can't you should call the cops and try to handle the situation.  Do whatever you have to do to resolve the problem.  If you don't do anything then it's the bus drivers fault.

Hovering over your children doesn't teach them anything. I think that's another form of spoiling the children. One way of spoiling them is giving them whatever they want without responsibilities. Another way of spoiling them is to make all their desicions for them without any responsibilities. I believe we should teach our children right from wrong. Teaching them the right way is to train them up and let them make their own decisions giving advice along the way. It's better for them to make mistakes at age 10 - 15 than it is to make mistakes at 25-30. Your mistakes cost more then. So make all the mistakes you want when you're young, learn from it and become a better person.

 

Hovering moms damage their children more than anything else. For one, when their children is old enough to go on their own they won't know how to live life and make important decisions because "my mom always made the decisions." Another bad thing is that whenever a hovering mom makes all the right decisions for their children and their children rebels just because mom is a hovering mom, then their only going to learn all the wrong things in life. Everything you think is right for them, they will do the opposite just becausethey want to rebel against their mom. So hovering over them either teaches them nothing or teaches them wrong.

 

Hovering over your children doesn't only hurt your children. They hurt people they are around. They hurt their society. I know moms that hover over their children too much and then they become part of the "teen pregnancy" qoutas. They become thieves, manipulators, and liars. Some of them turn to drugs and alcohol at an early age. They become lazy and unmotivated. Moms who don't care about their children have the same outcome.

 

Let them make their own decisions, BUT also let them know that you love them and that you are there for them. Let them come to you for help. That will build more trust between the parent and child, BUT don't tell them "I told you so, but you didn't want to listen" because that only pushes them away from you. Encourage your children, motivate them to make decisions and do things on their own. Back them up and be there for them. Support their decisions. Let them prove themselves wrong if they make a wrong decision. Let them see by your example in life how to make the right decisions. It's your responsibility to pave the way for your children's future. It's not your responsibility to carry them on your back the whole way through life. They need to learn how to walk someday. Imagine your children still crawling at age 17 because you always carried them. Or your children still in diapers at age 15 because you chose to wipe up after them and didn't TEACH them how to use the bathroom. It sounds stupid but that's what it looks like when you don't let your children make their own destiny. People will actually tease your children calling them momma's boy because he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. And no one wants to marry a momma's boy.

I always here my aunt, uncle & mom always talking about saving for a rainy day, but I never really listened. I listened to the point of trying to save some money, but never enough to sustain myself on anything like this. I think what we need is to teach everyone how to use money wisely. Those who can, we need to stop depending on our government to support us and learn to support ourselves that way when things like these financial crisis happen we're not in so much trouble that we can't even keep our head above waters. I have changed my spending habits a lot this past year. I don't have a lot of money but I know that I have extra money in case I need it.

 

I learned to live without credit cards. That was probably one of the most hardest thing for me to do, but I did it. I'm now working on getting out of debt. I really believe that the only real major debts that we should have are house payments (unless you're rich and you can buy your house right there), car payments (that you can afford without struggling financially), and medical bills depending on your medical condition.

 

I know that no matter what you do the government will find some way of screwing up the system for the middle-class and poor. If we take care of ourselves then at least the wound won't hurt as much.  If you really think about it, no one in the government even cares about anyone. Only during election do they PRETEND to care about THE PEOPLE. Other than that they don't really care about us. They make a lot of money and they are secure in they're retirement that they make. If the government really cared about THE PEOPLE then none of this would've happened. The government is not hurting by this financial setback. only THE PEOPLE are.

 

That's just how I feel about it.  That's just my opinion.