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Messages By: evie_dee

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April 28, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

I really think that Jennifer needs to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE YESTERDAY! Jeffry will get the help that he needs, but that doesn't mean that Jen should stay in the marriage. I'm glad that she chose to hold of on filing for divorce until Jeffery gets help. Jennifer, if things don't change six months from now-then and only then, file for divorce. If he tries anything, send his a** to jail (where I think Jeffry should have been from the time he beat the man she was having an affair with). There are resources out there-pamphlets should be availble at your local police station or sherriff's office. Their domestic violence experts can help you in any way that you need (recommend lawyers who specialize in domestic violence, tell you where your local domestic violence shelters are, recommend therapists, give you the number to the local domestic violence hotline, etc.).

Secondly, Jennifer had an affair because of this guy. I can't believe some of the posters are blatantly blaming her for his behavior. Jennifer , if your reading this, this isn't your fault. You found someone that made you feel like a person, and treated you like the person that you deserve to be.

Jeffery was obviously like this way before he met Jennifer. Someone tell why this okay to treat women the way Jeffery treats his wife? Did he learn it from his father? Did he learn it from other 'men'? Violence is a learned behavior! Contolling behavior is a learned behavior!

Jennifer, please talk to your local domestic violence experts while Jeffery is getting help to help put in the right direction, and come up with a leaving plan.

 
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April 28, 2007, 10:49 am CDT

Co-Parenting

The topic of co-parenting brings to light what Alec Baldwin did to his daughter recently. HE HAD NO RIGHT TO EMOTIONALLY BELITTLE AND MENTALLY BELITTLE HIS 11-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER! Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin are divorced, but they are this girls parents for the rest of her life! She needs them to support her and guide her through life just as much as they need her. What Kima nd Alec need to do is come up with a way to co-parent. Alec is in serious need of psychological counseling and anger managemnet classes!

I hope someone out there is caring about Ireland Baldwin's welfare and mental well-being. And I hope someone out there recognizes that there is and 11 year old child who is caught in the middle of her parents fighting.

 
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April 29, 2007, 10:39 am CDT

The next Tara Grant

I'm concerned that Jen might become the next Tara Grant (her husband reported her missing, only the county Sheriff in the county where I live found Tara buried in the couple's garage). The husband, Steve apparently had an affair with their German au pair. You know where Steve Grant is today? Awaiting in the Macomb County Jail while the trial is taking place.

Did Steve use some of the tactics that Jeffery is doing to Jennifer? Yes he did! He abused her, until she apparently had enough and may have tried to leave Steve. Did Tara's family try to convince Tara to leave STeve? Apparently, they may have.

Jennifer, I don't want to read in the paper that you're the next Tara Grant! Please Get out while you can!

 
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May 5, 2007, 11:48 am CDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Someone on the previous message boards said that it was going to take a magician, and not a therapist to change Jeffrey. Sorry, I don't know your name, but I do agree with that statement.

 

In the previews, Jeffrey was going to run just to try to beat his wife home. Dr. Phil should have been working with John Walsh and Dog the Bounty Hunter just to get this coward to stay in the van.  Jeffrey should be behind bars. I hope that he lands there. With the shows, and with what the investigators have found, there's more than enough evidence to nail a conviction.

 

JENNIFER, PLEASE LEAVE NOW! MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY IF YOU HAVE TO! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET AWAY FROM JEFFREY! IT'S GOING TO GET WORSE.

 
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May 5, 2007, 11:55 am CDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Quote From: backtoidaho

I can completely appreciate Jennifer's situation.  I too was married to an extremely controlling individual.  Unfortunately there was no Dr. Phil to help intervene.   Law enforcement, attorneys, and the court system were of little help and in fact only enabled the behavior.  I applaud Dr. Phil for trying to de-escalate this situation for the sake of the children.  In my case continued controlling behavior such as stalking, virtually "stealing" the children from my custody, and ultimately physical abuse escalated to a point of no return.  After eight long years of custody battles, the children are now divided between our two homes in two different states.  In our case everyone lost.  I wish Jennifer the best as she tries to rebuild her self-esteem and her life and the lives of her children.  You are lucky to have someone to come to your and your children's rescue.  You all deserve better and hopefully Jeffrey will honestly admit he has a problem and will make every effort to get better for the sake of his family.
There are avenues to help you. You can look beyond law enforcement. I would go fins a support group of abusive women in your area. They know what you have been through.
 
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May 5, 2007, 12:03 pm CDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: leroyer

Dr. Phil  This is the first time that I cvompletely disagree with you.  Lorna has done nothing to help herself.  You & I both know you cannot be that fat without eating much, much more than she says she eats.  I was once leader of a weight loss group, TOPS, so I know whereof I speak.  But I think you did not give Blair the credit he deserved.  How awful to have to be a virtual slave to Lorna with no breaks at all.  I have a feeling that you have never had to do that.  My mother had Alzheimers & I took care of her for 3 years.  I took care of my husband for another 5 years, gave him 3 years more than his doctors expected him to live so I know I'm a good caregiver but you have no idea how many times I just wished I could do just what I wanted, a movie, shopping & not have to worry..  These two people were family that I loved dearly & yet there were times I just wanted to scream or worse.  Give Blair credit, he could have left Lorna to her own devices - what would she have done?.  How could he have liked her, much less loved her?  Why didn't her family help him.? I think you made him out to be worse than he was.  He at least was trying to get help, she was doing nothing.  I know she has a long row to hoe, but she could have made a start.  She could have had diet Coke, for instance, no calories.  Her sister said she ate half a cake - oy. 
I agree with you.
 
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May 12, 2007, 12:33 pm CDT

05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run

Quote From: dorie2

Dr. Phil, you've been taken!  Jennifer played you!

 

I know that you had concerns for her safety, but you overlooked some really important points.

 

She's a liar, cheat, and manipulator!  She wanted this man out of her life so she can continue her permiscuous ways.  And you helped her.  You even got her some money to go with it!

 

I'm sure you'd rather be safe than sorry, because I know there are real woman in danger who never did a single thing to provoke their husbands.  But Jennifer's not one of them.

 

She left her messages on the voicemail for a reason, so Jeffrey can hear them.  She posted those pictures on myspace for a reason, so Jeffrey can see them.  And the caller ID, those things can be erased...but she chose not to erase them.  Men shouldn't have been contacting her like that in the first place.

 

Wasn't it you Dr. Phil that said it's cheating even if it's online?  Or was it...if you wouldn't do it in front of your wife/husband, it's cheating?  Why is Jennifer an exception to this rule?  She failed her marriage!  If there was an exam to get a marriage license, she would have failed that miserably.

 

This show gave her her 15 minutes of fame.  Your team fed her drama and she ate it up!  She thrives on drama and LOOKING the victim!  She can lie and believe her own self!  I've seen woman like her before.  I've had to deal with women like her before.

 

How many times in the last show did she use "When I heard he was a danger to me..."  Jeffrey was outraged...I agree.  He thought he was getting help to fix his marriage.  Then for Dr. Phil to say there was something wrong with him and put him in a treatment center in order to see his family!  That was outrageous!  I could see through Jennifer's act, but you Dr. Phil couldn't.  She had an on/off button for those tears and terror of her husband.  One minute she was afraid, the next she was hollering at him on the phone.  Then she was acting like she couldn't believe he was leaving and going home.  The Dr. Phil team was taking him back to creative care to get a letter saying he was a danger to her.  Uh, I would run too!  Wasn't it said like, "He could be a danger if he heard her news?"  How do we get from that to he is a total danger to her no matter what?  It was stupid!

 

Jennifer had NO intention of staying with this man.  She lead him to believe that she MIGHT go back to him if he finished this treatment.  She didn't want to save this marriage.  She wanted to keep him in there long enough to screw him in the divorce.  This woman has evil intentions.

 

Dr. Phil, you may see her again in this same situation...but it won't be with Jeffrey.  It will be with another man...possibly the one she posed so intimately with after only knowing him for 5 minutes!  Wait, I take that back, other men probably just wouldn't deal with her crap, they'd just leave her after the first signs of cheating.  They aren't married to her and have kids with her, what do they have to lose?

 

I feel for the kids, they are the ones that are going to pay for the mind games she plays on everyone.  They are all innocent in this.  But she already knows how to pull them into it.  This kind of mother makes me sick to my stomach.  Mothers like her don't deserve kids!

 

And to Jeffrey, please cut all ties!  She is draggin you down and through the mud...and she's enjoying playing the victim while she has the ropes!  And don't replace her with another Jennifer.  Heal yourself...you need it and so do your kids.  Unfortunately you may not have your kids for a while, but she can't shmooze everyone forever.  Even Dr. Phil has to see his mistakes in this over time.  After a while, it just become obvious what kind of person she is!  But you are doing yourself no good by hangin on to her and obsessively trying to get her to stop her cheating, lying, manipulative ways.  Women like that just don't change.  Their whole goal in life is to try to get people to believe them.  Unfortunately alot of people do.  But some have the filters that can see right through their act...because as much as they think they are good actresses, they wouldn't win an award from me!

Apparently, you don't get it. Jeffery was the way he was WHEN THEY FIRST GOT MARRIED! HE MARRIED HER WHEN SHE WAS 19, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

She's emotionally stunted at 19-she cheated on him because she saw the first kind and friednly face and went RUNNING TO HIM!

Jeffery is in jail awaiting trail right now. Even after the PPO and the no contact order issued to him by the court system he still continued to contact her. Her friends in Iowa took her out so she could at least try tohave a good time for once her life.

Jeffrey was in treatment for a few days-using the telephone, the computer,a nd other electronic devices. I don't know about you, but from what I understand, getting to use those things are privelages that are earned!

 
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May 12, 2007, 12:49 pm CDT

05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run

Quote From: justnancy

Thanks for sharing that it certainly explains Creative Care a little better.  And it's true, the situation is more clear cut in terms of how to handle it now that it's been established that Jeffrey is not at all serious about getting help. 

 

Still, in a drug rehab, one premise is that the person can't stop on his own so they've got to be prevented from getting that drug of choice until they're stronger and saner.  Jeffrey would have been completely distracted from any potential for getting help distracted by the sheer fact that he was allowed to do so much stalky stuff while he was there.  Maybe stalking addiction is treated differently from drug addiction I don't know because I don't have any experience with it.

 

The other thing that seems like a mess up was Creative Care's not monitoring what Jeffrey did with his driver's license.  Apparently, they ensured Dr. Phil that he did not have it with him, and, Dr. Phil and his team operated based on the fact that they didn't think Jeffrey would be able to get on a plane.  And, deviant that he was, Jeffrey waited until he was a short time away from boarding his flight before he let on that he did in fact have his driver's license.  I think he may have done this on purpose so that Dr. Phil's team wouldn't make plans to get Jennifer back to the house first.  I don't know for certain, but it sure seems like someone at Creative Care was asleep at the switchboard!

 

 

I got that feeling, too. Like I said before, uisng things such as a phone, a computer, or any other electronic is a privelage that is earned by doing something good in rehab (such as staying clean for one week, participating in group activities, keeping your room at the rehab facility neat, etc). Why Creative Care let him use these devices anyway is beyond me.

 

I'm glad that that cowrd is finally in jail. After he violated the no contact order that was set by the court system, he went and contacted Jennifer anyway. Jennifer, please keep a journal of what he may try to do. If he is released in jail, this documentation may be used against jeffery.

 
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May 12, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run

Quote From: wildweezie

As for Jennifer, one has to wonder why

 

I am amazed at the number of posts on the board about Jennifer and what she has done/not done, etc etc

 

Posters seem to be making a HUGE assumption about Jennifer and that is that she is an empowered woman of 30.  She is not. 

 

Jennifer has grown up through her 20s in this marriage where she was certainly NOT empowered in any way in fact she was isolated and made dependent upon her abuser its how abusers work it. 

 

I think on my daughter and imagine if she had married at 19 instead of going to University at 19 she was soooo young so naïve about the world around her and if she had spent the past few years in a marriage with an obsessive man she would not be the strong, capable and empowered young woman of 23 that she is today.

 

Jennifer has to work on herself, with a therapist (which I believe Dr. Phil provided for her) she needs to understand the past 11 yrs and the impacts it had on her and she needs to empower herself through an ability to provide and parent her children because I suspect shes going to be the only one they are going to have.

 

On a last note I find a lot of posters want Jennifer to modify her behaviour (ie: not have a MySpace or pics with other guys, not go out, etc) with the reasoning being that this sets Jeffrey off.

 

No.  We do not modify our behaviour in relation to how someone else uses it as justification for their behavior.  If Jennifer needs to modify her behaviour it is solely from the perspective of behaviours that are detrimental to Jennifer and/or her children. 

 

I think Jennifer needs a little bit of joy and relaxation in her life to balance all the other responsibilities she has.   Going out and having some fun is good for her, will bring joy into her life and she can reflect this with her children. 

 

I cant wait to see what Jennifer is up to in about a year from now.  I suspect she will become the woman many posters expect her to be today. 

 

 

That is very well said.
 
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May 14, 2007, 11:53 am CDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Jeffrey, like most abuser, understood only three things:

1) Isolation (the biggest tool of an abuser)

2) Threats (another tool of an abuser-Jeffery did threaten Jennifer's friend's and family and co-workers, if memory serves me correct)

3) Intimidation-again, he did the same thing to Jennifer's family and friends, and the friends on her myspace page.

 

I recall some posters saying that MySpace may have been Jennifer's way of reaching out to the outside world. I think it may have been her only link to the outside world, and some sort of human contact.

 

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