Messages By: skipzeedoodle

I have been married 37 years, and it has been a living hell for many of those years.  She should get out NOW.  He will never change. She will never change him.  He might be okay for awhile, and I think they call that the "honeymoon" time.  Once he feels like he's has where he wants her, he'll go back to the same old thing.

My husband has alienated me from friends that I use to have, my family and just enjoying life in general.

This is suppose to be my "golden years".  Yeah right!  I am his housekeeper, cook and servant.  He shows more compassion to our dog than he does to me.  I'm not suppose to think, feel or re-act to anything that opposes him.  I feel for the young women that think they can change the way their husband treats them.  99.9% of the time it just isn't going to happen!

I wonder if you spent a few years in an abusive relationship AS A WOMAN, and still have to same feelings.  After 37 years of marriage, I am a shell of person that just survives everyday.  I feel like I am at the point that I am just existing a day at time to die!

In that 37 years, I have been beaten, humiliated, got fired from jobs because of my husband, lost all my friends, can't have anything to do with my family, have to always make sure HIS family is taken care of.  I worked a job, fed his mooching teenage kids, took care of his parents, AND I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM!  I knew what the price was if I had.  As far as your children, if your ex-wife is working and putting a roof over your childrens head, what makes the difference how she uses your support money?

Your need to trade places with just ONE woman that is living in an abusive relationship.  Let me tell you, the words hurt much worse and much longer than the physical!

Let me tell you about us women making ourselves victims by choice! If you haven't lived it,  you know nothing about it.  If you have never been a victim, you do not know what it's like.  i personally recent someone telling me I choose to be a "victim".  Let me tell you how a victim lives.  First, we have no life.  We're told what to think, when to think and what to think about.  We get no respect, no compassion and no consideration.  Trust me, after 35 years of marriage, I consider myself an expert "victim"!  I have no friends, no contact with "people".  I do get to bowl once a week in the winter.  I have not been shopping with a woman friend or by myself for years.  I am told what to do everyday.  Get out you say????  Yea, right!  I tried that a couple of times.  I was succered into coming back.

I realized a couple of years ago, this life style started when I was a little girl.  It's exactly how my mother treated me when I was growing up.  No friends, couldn't do anything, couldn't go anywhere, etc, etc, etc.

So unless you actually walked and lived in our shoes, try not to judge us "women" victims.  By the grace of God, we DO not choose to be victims! 

I don't believe what you wrote!  I don't understand how anyone could have sympathy for this guy.  Let me tell you how he controls!  First he makes the women feel like they are goddeses here on earth, then when he gets them to where he wants them, he starts stripping their self confidence away a little at a time.  Then he works on their self worth, crushing it a little at a time.  Oh, he's not done yet!  Now he goes after their self esteem.  You see, if they don't like themselves, think they can do anything with out him, and have the courage to do so, they think he's the only person that believes in them.  I still say, men that think it is alright to control a woman OR any other person, needs to be put in that same situtation so you can know what it's like!  I have not had a life for 35 years!  The sad part is that I am at the age where I can't do anything about it!  Any person that has ever been on the receiving end of someone's actions like this guy, know exactly what I'm talking about!  Let me tell you, it doesn't only happen to women.

Those girls need to get the children away from him and keep them away because he WILL hurt the children!  That's a given!  Also, the girls need to understand they will NEVER change him.  He will be "sweet" for awhile, then it goes back to the same thing!!!

To this person that says abused women don't understand why We have no self worth. You see, if you hear it enough times you begin to believe it.  I have lived in a verbal, emotional and physical abusive relationship for 35 years.  Now I am 64 years old, no friends, not much contact with my family, pretty much living a life of complete isolation.  Do you think I don't know why I don't have any self worth?  For us women to even consider our self worth isn't worth the price we have to pay.  We learn to live within ourselves.  We don't feel anything outwardly.  Every emotion we have has to be bottled up inside us.  If you have never experienced the deep, deep feeling of loneliness and fear of EVERYTHING, believe me you should not judge us.  It isn't as easy as saying "counselling".  Every aspect of my life is controlled. And I do mean everything.  My heart goes out to the young women that think they can change the way their boyfriend, husband, etc treats them.  It just doesn't happen that way!  To many times I've been thru the "honeymoon" phase of forgiveness, before it goes back to the same way.

Please don't judge the women that don't know how to get out of an abusive relationship.