Quote From: biscuits4Last year we moved into the same neighborhood as some good friends - we have kids the same age. Well, it is not working out like we thought it would! I'm learning things I didn't know before we moved.
My kids are very friendly and have lots of friends - they play with all types of kids. Last summer, our good friends kids started "excluding" my kids. They would run when they saw my kids coming, whisper to each other while in our pool and then leave, etc among other things. My kids have no problem with all the other kids in the neighborhood - they get along with everyone. I stressed out about this all summer and went back and forth wondering if I should mention to my good friend about what was going on with the kids. My good friends kids are very sneaky and couldn't be nicer when adults are around, but the minute they are on their own I don't trust them. (Kind of like Eddie Haskel on Leave it to Beaver!!)
Well, I finally talked with my friend and told her how I felt and I didn't want to lose a friendship over it. She was very receptive and said she was unaware of what was going on. I didn't talk to her in an accusing way and I also acknowledged that my kids aren't perfect and that they do their share of things. She said she thought the kids just had different interests - and I said I thought it went beyond that - that it was about the way friends should treat each other - and show each other respect. It was a very good conversation and I thought it went well - I know I felt very "heard". We even hugged afterwards.
..............The next night I got a phone call from her husband (?) and we went over the whole thing again. I wanted to talk face to face, but he didn't want to. (It seemed as if I was on speaker phone, because he kept responding to someone in the background!) I also suggested we get the kids together and have them talk while the adults are there - this would keep the kids "honest". He didn't want to do that either. He said "I don't think they are old enough to sit down at a formal roundtable". They are 10 and 11 yrs old and I was not suggesting a formal roundtable - I was merely suggesting kids being accountable for their actions. I think 10 and 11 year old kids are quite capable of that! He also said "I thought kids were supposed to solve their own problems...". I said, "they are to a point, but after trying continually to solve them on their own, there comes a time when a parent needs to step in - - and that's where we're at." Well, he was just not sure about it and we left it where he was going to talk to his son and get back to me the next day. It's April - - and I still have not heard from him!! In fact, it's as if we lost their friendship over it - which is what I was fearing would happen. It's as if they don't want to deal with the issue. There has been nothing said since and we don't get together anymore. It's very sad.
They only seem to allow their kids to play with one family in the neighborhood - they forbid their kids to play with some of the families in the neighborhood. I feel as if my family is on this "black list"now. They don't seem to like very many people. They are very educated people but I just don't understand their interpersonal skills. I don't particularly agree with all the families in the neighborhood and I wouldn't choose all of them for close friends, but life brings many different types of people and I feel if you shelter your kids from them they will never learn how to deal with different types of people.
My husband and I have decided to just let it go and told our kids to distance themselves from these kids for a while and concentrate on other friendships - which is what has been happening. After a while, I just get so tired of trying to deal with people that don't want to deal.
Did I make a mistake in talking to my friend? I sometimes wonder if I should have just kept my mouth shut! Do you just let your kids be treated badly - after they have tried to solve things on their own - and not say anything to the parents?? I would hope that other parents would let me know if my kids were treating their kids badly! Any advice would be appreciated!
OMG, I know a family just like this. The only difference is that they don't live in an actual neighborhood. We went through the same problems. We thought the parents were our good friends and as soon as we discussed a problem with the kids we felt like we were black balled by the other families in our school. You did the right thing. You don't want your kids hanging around kids that don't treat them nicely. Your kids were convenient for the time being and once you stop and really think about it I'm guessing you'll feel almost used by this other family. It will pass and it will be difficult but in the end you will be happier to be away from such high maintenance people that don't treat you and your kids well. Hold your head up and stay strong. I totally agree with the kids distancing themselves.
