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I was diagnosed with MS in November 2005. I know what kind of a toll it takes on not only the person living with it, but also the entire family. I really sympethize with the guest and her husband and know what they are going thru. My husband and mom told me when i first started looking in to the possibility of it that I was borrowing trouble. After I was diagnosed, my mom was all about reading up on and researching this disease so she could try to understand what was happening to me and how she could best support me. My husband thought and still does, that there is a magic pill out there they just aren't giving me because I don't have insurance. If i try to tell him what is going on with me his response is usually 'Well I am tired too' or 'yeah well i am in pain every day but you don't hear me complaining'. A few months ago I came across a post called Understanding What Having MS Means. It was a big attention getter. I also sent it to friends and family. Most of the replies i received were 'thank you for sharing this with me', or 'I really didn't know MS could be that bad because you don't look sick.'

There are so many resources out there for people with MS and the spouse and kids who have to live with it. I have received help for utilities and rent from the local coalition and the MS Society. A Lot of the drugs needed for symptoms can be received free of charge or low cost thru the drug companies. My best advice is research all you can. Find out what is available from coping to medication. I also visit many online MS chat rooms and have made many new wonderful friends. It makes a person who rarely goes out in public seem much less secluded and alone.

I would be happy to post 'Understanding What Having MS Means' for anyone interested. The way it is worded helps people not living with MS understand a little more what it can do and just because you are 'sick' doesn't mean that you don't want your friends to come visit you or that you don't want to hang out or do things with them, it just means that sometimes you may have to cancel things last minute or when you are tired it means you are tired now, not wait 15 minutes see how you feel then. It is very powerful and encouraging.

Thanks,

Becky

"I didn't sign up for it".

"I married a woman 9 years younger than me and I thought she'd take care of me when I got old."

"I'm afraid that that one day we'll wake up and she won't get out of bed.  That she's not going to be able to take care of the kids at all.  I don't know what's gonna happen."

Well, how the hell do you think Nicole feels?  Wonderful?  Is Nicole thrilled to think that she won't be able to care for herself, her children or her husband "in his old age."  I'm sure she's jumping up and down for joy at the thought of not taking care of selfish Sal, except that Nicole's just happy if she can get up out of a chair without falling over!  How do I know?  I was diagnosed with MS in May 2005. 

I'm sure when Nicole took her wedding vows "in sickness and in health" that she was looking forward to the day that she'd be able to wheel Sal around in his wheelchair, wipe his chin and change his Depends!  But then again, Nicole is lazy and playing up her MS by asking Sal to put the kids to bed when she has to go to sleep early because she can't physically stay awake.

After seeing this show, I am sooooo grateful for Rich, my husband of 21 years, that I want to run upstairs, shake him awake and kiss and hug him till he bursts. We don't have a lot of help or support from family and/or friends regularly.  After a long, stressful  day as a construction project manager, my husband comes home to our three children (12-year-old girl and 8-year-old twin boys, one who has special needs) and me, often a messy house, sometimes dinner unmade, me trying to catch a nap and the kids whining. Yet, he tries to pick up the slack.  He'll cook dinner, do dishes, fold laundry, help the kids with homework and whatever else that needs to be done.

It's not that he's a martyr -- he's not; he has a temper sometimes.  It's not that he's doesn't have complaints -- he certainly does.  Rich isn't always the easiest person to live with, but I know that neither am I.  Rich, for all his faults, has been my biggest supporter since my diagnosis.  He was the one who said we'll be okay and we'll get through it.  He has lived up to his word.  Every night at 9:00 p.m., Rich gets my Copaxone injection ready and administers it to me, because he knows I've been a needlephobic since we met (although less so now).  Rich takes the kids out on weekends to give me quiet time at home alone.  He drags the laundry baskets up and down two flights of stairs and does the laundry.  He drives the kids to their sporting events when I can't.  Despite the fact that I don't work anymore and we definitely are NOT wealthy, Rich doesn't object to hiring a housecleaner and a babysitter to help us when we can afford it.

I don't think Rich does all he does just because he loves the kids.  I think he does it because he loves me and is keeping his wedding vows of "in sickness and in health," just as I will do for him if that time ever comes.  He also realizes that when there's more stress on me, then my health will suffer, the kids will suffer and eventually his life suffers also.

By the end of the show, Sal, I actually believed that you do love your wife and worry about her, but you need to lay off the insults and step up the help.  You need to find a productive way to help your wife, which will come back to you in ways that you won't expect.

Sal, as I tell my kids, life is not fair.  It never is.  Especially to Nicole and your kids.  So, Sal, take some of your own advice:

"Get over it!  Toughen Up!  Give me a friggin' break!"