Messages By: bleachblonde

Quote From: alishia

Well I will not say all that because I never heard how he was with her before she cheated on him. Was he nice? from what I seen on the 1st show he became this way due to her cheating. Now that's no excuse for his behavior.  I would leave him, but she is the reason he is like he is. She not only cheated but she kept trying to have affairs. The marriage is over. I do not believe it can be saved.

Quote From: silentsufferer

Jeffery has nothing on my husband's controlling behavior.  I feel trapped and have been trying to muster up enough courage to leave for the past 3.5 years. We have been married almost 26 years and have 2 children ages 11 & 19. And it has'nt been all bad--just mainly the past four years.  My husband is an abusive controller, unlike Jeffery.  He has hit me several times and was arrested for CDV in '03.  After the arrest, he promised he would never hit me again, but instead he has used every other form of abuse--verbal/emotional, sexual(he's into threesomes), economic, and, of course, isolation to control me.  He recently told me he is addicted to me, and that he could'nt live without me and my daughter.  We have gone through the domestic abuse cycle many times and I have left him on 3 occasions once taking my daughter to a woman's shelter for abuse victims.  He suffered from anxiety symptoms just like Jeffery while I was gone.  Last year, I went as far as to retain a lawyer after the sexual abuse became too much to bear, however, I could'nt go through with it to my parents, friends, & counselor's dismay.  I gave him yet another chance!  I am now totally cut off financially as he pays the bills and hides the cash, checks, & credit cards from me.  He even goes to the grocery store and buys which foods he thinks my daughter & I should eat.  We have to beg for ice-cream & cookies as he is a health-nut and very concerned about his nutrition!  I hate to beg for personal hygiene products for me & my daughter, too!  I am in total isolation in my home only getting out when he drives me to my daughter's sport's events and, if I'm lucky to the store!  I have always felt that I could never get a divorce because I did'nt have a job & could'nt support my daughter.  I taught children for 23 years and used to be a vital part of society.  Now he has taken all of my self-worth away from me & I'm afraid to leave my own house!  I have tried to forget the violence and concentrate on the "good times", but I'm still afraid of him especially when he criticizes, raises his voice, and stands over me!  My daughter has started to stand up to him and this worries my victims counselor.  She is not as submissive as me and will not put up with all his controlling behavior.  He also shows signs of jealousy to anyone--female  & male friends, counselor's, etc. who may pose a threat to our marriage.  My husband has always denied he has a problem & when we talk to professionals the focus is always shifted onto me & my behavior. He is handsome & quite charming in public--a typical Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde.  He's never owned up to his stuff and I don't think he ever will. Like Jenn, I'm experiencing a slow, agonizing "death" inside.  Should I stay in this marriage for the sake of my daughter or get out?  I'd appreciate the advice.

Quote From: sandicb

I agree with you whole-heartedly! I was in three...count 'em 3 bad abusive relationships and each time I got stronger. I felt Jennifer's pain and I feel yours too. I learned that sometimes, even the good, no matter what they do, get punished because of someone else's mental problem. I went to counseling and all I heard was "tsk tsk! I am so sorry you had to go through that!" What I really wanted to hear was "Where is he? I got a baseball bat!" :) just kidding. I think I wanted someone to come to my rescue and I finally figured out that I am the only one capable of the rescue and that is exactly what I did. Good luck to you now and always. The nice part about the past is that you DONT have to repeat it!

sandicb