Messages By: bnbalenda

And then go back and read your own words that describe yourself.

You feel like a loser, you are flat on your back, you feel guilty because you acknowledge that the relationship was abusive but you didn't think it was so bad, you were "thrown like an old rag", you have to start your life over, you feel that you were so "bad" that he left you.

In addition to these thoughts, you question the things you did:

You "tried" to make your living environment inviting

You "tried" to speak to him and understand him

You "wonder" if you were responsible for all of his bad behavior since you were criticized constantly

"Maybe" if you had been more cheerful, loving, SOMETHING,....etc, etc, etc.

Do you see what you are doing to yourself when others point these things out with objectivity?

It takes 2 to tango, so YES, you hold responsibility for some of the reasons of the failed relationship, just as he holds responsibility for his share of the reasons.

Your big mistake is only holding yourself accountable and thinking that you could have saved this relationship on your own, with only actions taken by yourself. None of us have that capability, so I'm hoping that you let yourself off the hook and forgive yourself. Carrying guilt over "not being enough" is like a terminal illness.

Since he just left last Sunday, you may still be in the shocked and unbelieving stage. I hope you get over this quickly and move into the stage that is equal parts anger that he left you after you were good to him even when he was abusive to you, and the part that is grateful that you are now shut of him and have learned to avoid his type in the future. He was a lesson you needed to learn.