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Messages By: bnbalenda

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October 16, 2008, 8:24 am CDT

Reach for help

Quote From: darksoul

I am only 13 but I already suffer depression. No body believes that I do because of my Bipolar mood swings. My friends are afraid that I am at risk for suicde. I am scared. But at times i feel that it would make everything better. Like a numb feeling instead of pain and fear.

Hi,

 

Reach for help because I have been in the same situation as you, when I was a teenager I even tried to commit suicide many times because I had a low self esteem. I understand you're scared, please reach to somebody who has a will to help you. You are bright, you are intelligent, you have gifts and tallents and ther's so much in you. Please get your life back.

 
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October 16, 2008, 8:37 am CDT

It's not your fault

Quote From: ritehere

And then go back and read your own words that describe yourself.

You feel like a loser, you are flat on your back, you feel guilty because you acknowledge that the relationship was abusive but you didn't think it was so bad, you were "thrown like an old rag", you have to start your life over, you feel that you were so "bad" that he left you.

In addition to these thoughts, you question the things you did:

You "tried" to make your living environment inviting

You "tried" to speak to him and understand him

You "wonder" if you were responsible for all of his bad behavior since you were criticized constantly

"Maybe" if you had been more cheerful, loving, SOMETHING,....etc, etc, etc.

 

Do you see what you are doing to yourself when others point these things out with objectivity?

 

It takes 2 to tango, so YES, you hold responsibility for some of the reasons of the failed relationship, just as he holds responsibility for his share of the reasons.

Your big mistake is only holding yourself accountable and thinking that you could have saved this relationship on your own, with only actions taken by yourself. None of us have that capability, so I'm hoping that you let yourself off the hook and forgive yourself. Carrying guilt over "not being enough" is like a terminal illness.

Since he just left last Sunday, you may still be in the shocked and unbelieving stage. I hope you get over this quickly and move into the stage that is equal parts anger that he left you after you were good to him even when he was abusive to you, and the part that is grateful that you are now shut of him and have learned to avoid his type in the future. He was a lesson you needed to learn.

 

It's not your fault, if he left you. Relationships are based on building each  other up. You are a bright woman, you are a smart woman and this man does not deserve to have you. He left you, but you still have your life. "I rather be alone and healthy, than being unhealthy with someone else". Be careful with guys like your ex-boyfriend. You are not a loser, you are a winner. There 's so much you have and don't let anyone still it from you. Set yourself goals which you want to reach. Avoid such people in the future.
 
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October 16, 2008, 8:58 am CDT

sad

I feel sorry for the man because his life has been stolen away from him. My hope is that Dr Phil helps him find the life he needs. I really pitty him so much.  How can somekind of cowards do that to such a person? I really hope that he finds good meanings with his life. Please Dr.Phil, help him.
 

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