I agree with Dr. Phil that the situation in the household has to end. BUT! I DO agree with the stepdad's frustration at getting no respect from the kids, namely the boy. He's the way he is BECAUSE the mother never taught him any responsibility. The stepdad walked into the situation and thought he could change it and failed. NO, I don't agree with the way he's tried to do it, but he's NOT the only one at fault.
Over 20 years ago, I made the unfortunate mistake of marrying an older woman with 5 kids. One boy, next to the oldest, one girl, the oldest, and 3 girls younger. Her husband was killed in a farm accident some years prior. Things went well until around 5 months into the marriage. All hell broke loose, mainly caused by two of the girls, 16 and 14 at the time. Between bailing them out of jail and them wrecking every vehicle but mine, since I wouldn't let them go near it, it was nearly total chaos. Their mother did absolutely nothing in the way of discipline, and at first wanted me to get after them. As soon as I did, she pulled the rug out from under me. From that point on, if I said anything at all to them, it was, "Oh, go F___K yourself." No repercussions. No nothing. I became nothng more than the house eunuch.
When it got to the point where the 14 year old was allowed to take her mother's new car to school WITHOUT a license, that was it for me. She'd run her foul mouth once too often on the school bus and there was two or three other girls waiting to close it for her.
I wasn't about to get hung on a lawsuit if she wrecked it and killed someone, so I finally packed up and left. It was just in time. She wrecked it less than a month later, drunk out of her mind.
No, I think the stepdad is wrong, but I fully understand his frustration. Whether you agree with me or not, it started with their mother's lack of discipline. THAT is where the lack of respect started. They will never respect ANY man foolish enough to get involved with her, should this guy finally leave. My sympathy goes out to them all.
I was raised with the back of my father's hand upside my head more than once. Was it right? Probably not. Did it scar me? No, not as far as I can see. My dad and I never really got along for many reasons, and not necessarily that. He DID say, many years ago, that I would either fear him, or I'd respect him, and he didn't care which one it was. Truthfully, I did both at times. Back then, there were LIMITS. There was a line you didn't cross, and unless you were exceedingly stupid, you didn't cross it very often.
Would I do the same today? Not to the same extent, but there is NO accountability for today's kids, either. When I was young, you KNEW what would happen if you got too far out of line. There is a time to talk and a time for talking to stop. If I'd have been dumb enough to give my father the finger, like this kid has been doing, they likely would've been prying me out of the sidewalk, and I would have deserved it. You might have wanted to a few times when I was coming up, but DO it? Not unless you liked an almost inconcievable amount of pain.
I can well imagine the good Dr. won't agree with much of what I'm saying here, but I make no apologies, either.
I didn't turn into an axe murderer or the Boston Strangler because I got my butt beat occasionally. I DID know the meaning of boundaries, and that I was responsible for my actions. I've never been in legal trouble. I never destroyed anyone's property, used any kind of drugs or broke into houses. After that unfortunate mistake of a marriage, it took a few years to find the wonderful wife I had for 11 years. I lost her to brain cancer in 1999, at the age of 48.
Consequences. Something this ridiculous "time out" generation would never understand.
