Quote From: mproppsDr. Phil,
My husband and I are foster parents. I can say that we have been blessed to have been able to care for over 21 children from the foster care system in our home over the last couple of years. We have been frustrated for so long about the issues you brought into the light on your show Monday.
We expected, prepared for it and welcomed the challenges that each child brought us. They were a victim of horrible situations in which they had no control... What we were not prepared for was the injustice from the "system" or the ones who were supposed to be protecting the children right along with us, the social workers.
As a result, we have not nor will we be accepting any more placements from the foster care system any time soon.
I know there are a lot of really great social workers out there, I know a few, but there are some workers who I would like to refer to as the ones who have the "God Complex". And heaven forbid you as a foster parent ever speak out against or question the judgment of one of these social workers because the consequences are catastrophic emotionally for both you the foster family and most importantly, the foster children.
As a foster parent,
we are required to stay quiet...
for fear that if
we speak out against a social worker or a biological parent, we will
(AND WE HAVE) had children taken from our home.
We are the ones who are supposed to love these children, treat them as
our own, counsel them when they are sad and hurting, help them learn
the life lessons they have never been taught, and yet... not be able to
have any say when it comes to how they are treated from the system.
It sickens me to remember all the children who we cared for who were bounced from 3-4-5-6 foster homes within their first couple of months in the system. Or, the 6 siblings we were caring for who wanted to stay with us, and I would have adopted in a second if the chance had been available who were moved from our home and split up into 3 different homes because the "African American Specialist Social Worker" (as her card read) thought that although they were perfectly happy, loved, and all living together in one home (which is rare by the way) they should be and I quote, "in their own type of neighborhood, with their own type of people". The oldest child called for weeks and weeks crying and begging us to come and bring her home to us... after trying to follow the chain of command w/ Sacramento CPS, our cries went nowhere.
You were right to say that the system is broken, and we feel helpless as we watch some of the
children we love with all our hearts suffer the consequences.
The truth is, there are foster parents who do foster care for all of the wrong reasons. The don't care about the child, never raise a concern on their behalf and collect a paycheck each month. We were not one of those families. But like so many other great foster parents, because we actually cared, once we spoke out - we were burned by the system, just like the children.
How many times can you fall in love with a child, care about that child, and watch them move from your home to the next, then the next, again, and again... before your heart can't take it anymore either?Again, thank you for airing the show. My heart goes out to all the children who have suffered, I wish things had been different.
We are GOOD FOSTER PARENTS also!
People always assume we are only doing it because of the financial aspect of it. What a joke! The checks these children receive aren't enough for them to be supported by. We make sure they have after school activities, summer camps, nice clothes and shoes, they all receive bikes, video games and anything else they need including plenty of love and listening and acceptance into the whole family, including aunts, uncles and grandparents.
My husband and I both work full time and then some to make sure OUR kids have anything they need or want (the same we did with our biological kids) !
We do have a broken system, parents are given back children that they have abused, neglected, prostituted and starved in some cases. The kids are broken and terrified to go back to this same existence they lived before. In some cases parents aren't given back the kids and have to go through all sorts of legal issues and courts when the removal wasn't warranted in the first place.
We as foster parents aren't the evil person in this circle, we only provide a home for the kids until they can go home or to something more permanent. We have social workers also, we are cursed, hated by the kids and parents, the parents resent us and manipulate their kids because they can't care for them at this time. ( I PERSONALLY WOULD FEEL BETTER HAVING SOMEONE CARE FOR MY CHILD IN A HOME RATHER THAN HAVING THEM LIVE IN AN INSTITUTION LIKE SETTING UNTIL ALL THE ISSUES CAN BE IRONED OUT. ) We stay up at nights with the kids through bad dreams, and listen to their fears of sometimes going home to a place they have been abused. We hold them while they cry and we take them to counseling and sporting events and vacations. SOME FOSTER PARENTS ARE BAD BUT NOT ALL JUST LIKE ALL PARENTS AREN'T ALL BAD.
Foster parents have no control over things like when and if they will be returned home or if they will be removed out of our home. We aren't their guardians only their babysitters. the state you reside in is the guardians, we have to get permission to take them to the hospital, get hair cuts ect.
We love our kids that come to us no matter what enviroment they came from or what the challenge is. So please don't label us all horrible as you wouldn't label all parents as horrible.
The court system has the ultimate say in when and if the kids get to go home and where they will stay if they don't. Some of these kids do need to be removed from a bad home and do need us foster parents to help heal them.
