Messages By: sandcastles

Quote From: vpwl1957

Aside from the problems with the daughter, my concern is for the stepfather in the second story.  Dr. Phil was right not to assume what he might need.  No one really understands the grief of losing a child, except for another parent who has lost their child.  Our son died suddently from an aortic aneurysm at the age of 22.  He died in the time I walked out to the car and back into his apartment, just less than 30 minutes after visiting the doctor.  My heart has never hurt like it did that day after his death was confirmed.  We have been lucky enough to have friends recommend some excellent books that talk about the grief.  By far the best is "When there are no words" by Charlie Walton. He is a father who tragically lost sons just a few years younger than your guest's and our son.  I would strongly recommend this book as it is from the viewpoint from someone who understands.  A grief counselor said that often times we wait for things to get back to "normal", but that will never happen.  We need to create our "new normal".  One last comment, from our grief counselor.  She said that normal grief (as if there is such a thing) is about 2 years when it is someone older, and/or someone ill, etc.  When it is a child and is sudden like we and the stepfather have experienced, we cannot expect to "get over it" in a year, or two years, etc..  His wife would benefit from some research, reading, or counseling also so she can try to understand what he is going through.  He needs her now more than ever.  My husband and I often find that when one is having a bad day (which we still do after 18 months), then the other usually is a stronger person on that day.  Luckily we don't both seem to have bad days at the same time.

Quote From: sunburst77

 I think I'm also in the twilight zone.  Had 2 very bad experiences in the medical field in the past couple years, it's happening now and I'm worried how this is going to affect my future jobs.  I have been looking up "workplace bullying" on the web and it seems to be an escalating problem.  The doctor I work for now is very knowledgable and can be very personable, but he is also a mean, thoughtless, rude, and crude person who zeroes in on people's weaknesses and mentally tortures them, apparently just because he CAN.   I kept asking myself "WHY?" I'm a nice lady, I try my best on my job, try to do the right thing, why is he targeting ME?  You may have something there, about some of us being susceptible because we have quieter personalities and we want to get along and live and let live--but the bullies aren't like us--they WANT to stir up problems--they seem to thrive on it!  They seem, according to the websites on bullying that I visited, to actually seek out people who do have good work ethics and are reasonable and intelligent.   I think maybe I'm being picked on because I'm like the little boy who blurted out that "The Emperor doesn't have new clothes on--he's just naked!."   (Remember that fairy tale--The Emperor's New Clothes"?)  I'm the one in the office who said, The boss doesn't have a "dry wit" or a "weird sense of humor"--no one's laughing at his "jokes," which are really just insults--it's not funny--he's just a bully.  I saw through the bullying and said so.  I'm honest and really don't know how to suck up to people or, excuse my language, be a butt-kisser.  So they want to kill the messenger.  Do a Google-search on workplace bullies & see what you come up with. Very enlightening.

Quote From: sandcastles

 My boss said that I could taek a leave when I told her mymother was sick.
Three days later I asked her for hours off to taek my mother to chemo.
SHe said NO
I was so upset
She said find someone else to do it
I have 3oo hours of accrued time, and I voluteered to switch shifts and she said no
IThis is a humans services agency
SHe is out all the time
I don't trust her

Quote From: kwindshawn

     Tell the bitch to shove the job and take it anyway...family first.  Personally, I became fed up today.  I am taking vacation next month, and when I return I am looking for a job that makes me happier.  I have talked about this for more than a year, but the time has come and I am not going to "talk" anymore-time for action.  Money just doesn't matter anymore-I have decided to pay what bills I can, and forget the rest. AFter all, the whole country is in this boat, and personally, my well being is going to come first now.  If it was my mother, I would go.  Can you take family and medical leave?

Quote From: kwindshawn

     You're  absolutely right.  I had a similar situation at my work.  The boss is still always gone, and totally useless, and everyone all over my state and elsewhere knows it.  They have kept her 8 years too long in my opinion, however, they had an audit recently at our location from the big shots.  Come to find out, she is worthless-well, duh!!!!  They pretty much stripped her of all her power, so she is dead space sitting in the office.  The big boss is on her constantly, and I think they are making her so miserable she is finally considering leaving.  Our main boss is a pain as well, but I keep my mouth shut for the time being, because I have a plan and we have lost so many good workers lately, with several other long timers planning to leave in the near future, they really can't afford to piss anyone else off, so I don't think I will get fired.  Interesting side note to all of this-the middle manager now treats me like gold, since surprisingly I am the only half friend she has over there now-and I keep it business related as much as posible.  I also have taken over a few reports that she didn't work to help out-only because it ensures my job in the long run and keeps them off my back.  The day will come when I am thoroughly tired of it and I will move on-that day is soon, but for the time being I am sitting tight to see what happens.  Life's too short for this crap, and since my house sold, I don't have to have as much income, and if it gets to be too much, I will leave as well.

Quote From: wildrose7

I am trying to not be affected by the scene over the e mails....but I cant stop thinking about my brother's perspective of me.   I always try to be better for them and to see what they are saying and it does not match up with how I see myself.  They try to define my world and then I try to match that up with my reality and get very confused and dont sleep...hard to make sense of the senseless.  I like your advice and just beginning to concentrate on the wedding.  Actually I have to get a job and am well on my way to getting one but my esteem is low right now and I am depressed...I will just have to realize that my bro sees the world of me backwards and may actually be reflecting himself in a narcissistic kind of way...when he calls me self centered.  I wont try to make sense of the non sensical...for I dont know how to be who they want me to be....is it the one who is faulted and will always be faulty??? erased???because I do not perform like the pretend doll they are setting me up to be??  I will get busy online and look for jobs which are me in the care field....the gall of him thinking I was self centered when just look at my resume and it is nothing like that....

Interesting how I try to fit into the mold that my bro and sis make for me to be....and then my brain gets messed up in the process..  I will go get busy and do some walking...1 1/2 more weeks in my petsitting job....will find a good book to read and go bug the neighbors...for something to do.

thanks,

need that righting of my world which gets topsy turvy when others define me and are not even close. 

me