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Messages By: sandcastles

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upset
June 5, 2007, 2:27 pm PDT

Sister in Law tells me what to do

 My sister in law is always telling me what to do, she is always right.
She will come into your home and move you photos, clear out the drawers and point her finger in your face and say do this and o that.
This became a big problem when my mother was dying.  My mother was the best and I miss her so much.
My sister in law told me that I should not have told her to leave the hospital room as I was staying with my dying mother.
She sent me a vicious email saying that I should never say anything again to her ,she is right and I am wrong.
She married into my father's business and is a millionaire with homes,etc, etc, She is rude.
Since my mom's death I have decided not to talk to her ,go to any family events or send cards to her.
I have stopped saying much about myself because close relatives talk to her, She thinks she is right.
She hurt my mother so much. and is Alys watching and correcting you on everything.
 
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angry
June 5, 2007, 2:34 pm PDT

request refused to take mother for chemo

 
 
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angry
June 5, 2007, 2:39 pm PDT

Boss refused

 My boss said that I could taek a leave when I told her mymother was sick.
Three days later I asked her for hours off to taek my mother to chemo.
SHe said NO
I was so upset
She said find someone else to do it
I have 3oo hours of accrued time, and I voluteered to switch shifts and she said no
IThis is a humans services agency
SHe is out all the time
I don't trust her
 
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sad
June 6, 2007, 7:30 pm PDT

Coping with Loss and being single

Quote From: vpwl1957

Aside from the problems with the daughter, my concern is for the stepfather in the second story.  Dr. Phil was right not to assume what he might need.  No one really understands the grief of losing a child, except for another parent who has lost their child.  Our son died suddently from an aortic aneurysm at the age of 22.  He died in the time I walked out to the car and back into his apartment, just less than 30 minutes after visiting the doctor.  My heart has never hurt like it did that day after his death was confirmed.  We have been lucky enough to have friends recommend some excellent books that talk about the grief.  By far the best is "When there are no words" by Charlie Walton. He is a father who tragically lost sons just a few years younger than your guest's and our son.  I would strongly recommend this book as it is from the viewpoint from someone who understands.  A grief counselor said that often times we wait for things to get back to "normal", but that will never happen.  We need to create our "new normal".  One last comment, from our grief counselor.  She said that normal grief (as if there is such a thing) is about 2 years when it is someone older, and/or someone ill, etc.  When it is a child and is sudden like we and the stepfather have experienced, we cannot expect to "get over it" in a year, or two years, etc..  His wife would benefit from some research, reading, or counseling also so she can try to understand what he is going through.  He needs her now more than ever.  My husband and I often find that when one is having a bad day (which we still do after 18 months), then the other usually is a stronger person on that day.  Luckily we don't both seem to have bad days at the same time.
 I am single and have freinds and groups to talk to but I miss my mother so much
i depend on my aunts too much,I go outside the family
one relative said that she had a dream that sh saw my mother looking over a balcony and she said that she was waiting for me.
Grief is so said and ahrd,I miss her love and caring,life is empty without her. Life will never be normal again.
What do you think of the dream ?
 
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upset
June 8, 2007, 4:00 pm PDT

Bullying in the Workplace

Quote From: sunburst77

 I think I'm also in the twilight zone.  Had 2 very bad experiences in the medical field in the past couple years, it's happening now and I'm worried how this is going to affect my future jobs.  I have been looking up "workplace bullying" on the web and it seems to be an escalating problem.  The doctor I work for now is very knowledgable and can be very personable, but he is also a mean, thoughtless, rude, and crude person who zeroes in on people's weaknesses and mentally tortures them, apparently just because he CAN.   I kept asking myself "WHY?" I'm a nice lady, I try my best on my job, try to do the right thing, why is he targeting ME?  You may have something there, about some of us being susceptible because we have quieter personalities and we want to get along and live and let live--but the bullies aren't like us--they WANT to stir up problems--they seem to thrive on it!  They seem, according to the websites on bullying that I visited, to actually seek out people who do have good work ethics and are reasonable and intelligent.   I think maybe I'm being picked on because I'm like the little boy who blurted out that "The Emperor doesn't have new clothes on--he's just naked!."   (Remember that fairy tale--The Emperor's New Clothes"?)  I'm the one in the office who said, The boss doesn't have a "dry wit" or a "weird sense of humor"--no one's laughing at his "jokes," which are really just insults--it's not funny--he's just a bully.  I saw through the bullying and said so.  I'm honest and really don't know how to suck up to people or, excuse my language, be a butt-kisser.  So they want to kill the messenger.  Do a Google-search on workplace bullies & see what you come up with. Very enlightening.
 I understand what you mean.
I have talked to peers at work about bullies and they feel that those bullies are crazy.
I like my job and I do not think bosses should get away with everything.
This person is out all the time for any reason.
Ijwanted to take my mother for a chemo treatment and was told to cahnge the appointment.
I am staying at my job,my agency is being taken over because of poor management.
 
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June 9, 2007, 6:32 pm PDT

This is a repeat Boss refused request to take mother for chem

Quote From: sandcastles

 My boss said that I could taek a leave when I told her mymother was sick.
Three days later I asked her for hours off to taek my mother to chemo.
SHe said NO
I was so upset
She said find someone else to do it
I have 3oo hours of accrued time, and I voluteered to switch shifts and she said no
IThis is a humans services agency
SHe is out all the time
I don't trust her
 I mistankely posted the same messge three times.
I apoplogize and appreciate those who answered me
I sould remove the reapts,but I don't know ho.
Thanks again
 
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June 23, 2007, 1:42 pm PDT

My boss refused to let metake time off for chemo

Quote From: kwindshawn

     Tell the bitch to shove the job and take it anyway...family first.  Personally, I became fed up today.  I am taking vacation next month, and when I return I am looking for a job that makes me happier.  I have talked about this for more than a year, but the time has come and I am not going to "talk" anymore-time for action.  Money just doesn't matter anymore-I have decided to pay what bills I can, and forget the rest. AFter all, the whole country is in this boat, and personally, my well being is going to come first now.  If it was my mother, I would go.  Can you take family and medical leave?
I didnot take that day off but others.
She is out all the time ,they let her take a maternityt leave and many days after that.
I Think that what she said is against the Family and Medical leave law.
I have spoke to all my coworkers to let them know. We think she iscrazy
She is crazy, wears jeans and tshirts and is a manager.
My agency is being taken over and I hope they fire her.
Another supervisor there,got her law degree while being a "supervisor"
I have become more assertive, she is crazy and I have no synpathy for her and any of her problems.
How would they make money if it was not for me and the hard workers

 
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July 7, 2007, 2:12 pm PDT

Abuse and I keep running away

I have been abused,harrasssed .choked by a nan for over twenty years.
I have moved gotten many restraining orders and a permanent order  but the last three years he has been violating the order more and has been convicted of  it,he gers off lightly becaseu he knows someone
He ihas a crimnal history and my life is more in danger and I live in terrible fear.
I see him everywhere I go
I had to hire a private lawyer to help me,so courts will lister. It is very expensive
I am afraidito go anywhere and I live on a shorr lease,
Abuse is awful- I need an apology and money for teh compensation of loss of wages and having t o mean and living in fear.  Many have said to me that he is stalking me. Abusive men are very scary and these type of sociopaths never say they are sorry. instead thye say it is your fault.
 
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August 6, 2007, 2:59 pm PDT

Boss bully

Quote From: kwindshawn

     You're  absolutely right.  I had a similar situation at my work.  The boss is still always gone, and totally useless, and everyone all over my state and elsewhere knows it.  They have kept her 8 years too long in my opinion, however, they had an audit recently at our location from the big shots.  Come to find out, she is worthless-well, duh!!!!  They pretty much stripped her of all her power, so she is dead space sitting in the office.  The big boss is on her constantly, and I think they are making her so miserable she is finally considering leaving.  Our main boss is a pain as well, but I keep my mouth shut for the time being, because I have a plan and we have lost so many good workers lately, with several other long timers planning to leave in the near future, they really can't afford to piss anyone else off, so I don't think I will get fired.  Interesting side note to all of this-the middle manager now treats me like gold, since surprisingly I am the only half friend she has over there now-and I keep it business related as much as posible.  I also have taken over a few reports that she didn't work to help out-only because it ensures my job in the long run and keeps them off my back.  The day will come when I am thoroughly tired of it and I will move on-that day is soon, but for the time being I am sitting tight to see what happens.  Life's too short for this crap, and since my house sold, I don't have to have as much income, and if it gets to be too much, I will leave as well.


I had a test for cat scan with contrast red dye for chest and heart. A cyst near my heart that was found in February when I had complete Cat Scan. The chest CT with contast dye was done last week. I work in ER. She has never worked in the ER ever and cannot handle anything problems
I had spine and disc problems and have bee receiving injections and Pt.  The last outpateint procedure was on Wednesday.
I have at least 6 weeks of accumulate time and switch hours as requested and work overtime,holidays and always on time.
My boss said today that I could not have Thursday off,I have alot of stress my other died a year ago. on August 12 and . SHe said no to Thursday but okay for Wednesday, saying change days switch appointment etc. She has done it again.
She is useless,out alot wears jeans,flip flops and takes off time and now has 4 day work week.  I reminded her that I work alon eon Sunday and on Thursday there are probably 6 staff on.
She is very mean,she is a Manager.
I do most  of the work on team. I am so upset.  In the future,I will do everything I can to avoid her.
Whata do people out there think?  I on't have children ,she has one and stays out trying to have one and out for leaves for foot operations-not medically necessary etc,etc. She smokes and swears- tells staff to use these as coping skill

 
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anxious
August 16, 2007, 2:58 pm PDT

Pleasing those we care about

Quote From: wildrose7

I am trying to not be affected by the scene over the e mails....but I cant stop thinking about my brother's perspective of me.   I always try to be better for them and to see what they are saying and it does not match up with how I see myself.  They try to define my world and then I try to match that up with my reality and get very confused and dont sleep...hard to make sense of the senseless.  I like your advice and just beginning to concentrate on the wedding.  Actually I have to get a job and am well on my way to getting one but my esteem is low right now and I am depressed...I will just have to realize that my bro sees the world of me backwards and may actually be reflecting himself in a narcissistic kind of way...when he calls me self centered.  I wont try to make sense of the non sensical...for I dont know how to be who they want me to be....is it the one who is faulted and will always be faulty??? erased???because I do not perform like the pretend doll they are setting me up to be??  I will get busy online and look for jobs which are me in the care field....the gall of him thinking I was self centered when just look at my resume and it is nothing like that....

Interesting how I try to fit into the mold that my bro and sis make for me to be....and then my brain gets messed up in the process..  I will go get busy and do some walking...1 1/2 more weeks in my petsitting job....will find a good book to read and go bug the neighbors...for something to do.

thanks,

need that righting of my world which gets topsy turvy when others define me and are not even close. 

me


Hi
I am always trying to please and take the blame for relationships in the family.
My brother and sister in law are rich, she is flawless and thinks she should instruct me on what to do all the time.
I think that My separation from them is the only way i can life although I am sad.
I can honestly say I never did anything to them, they are very rich,I work and make ends meet and so I feel bead but let it go due to constant critical statement and meanness.
I feel bad for my father an mother who made them who they are,and they left them with nothing.
If yo let it get to you you would have no self work.
Maybe they will be nice again to me for the holidays and the family traditions my parents cherished.
I miss my niece and nephew, but I hope they are fine and my extended family sees them and brother and wife are very nice to them. I live my life and do what I can,but I have finally realized it's not my fault.  Good Luck
 
 

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