Messages By: profmaryann

Both of these MILs make dealing with my ex-MIL (who more than insinuated that my then-husband's & my child was not her son's, and about whose mental health I have wondered for YEARS) seem like a walk in the park!! But I digress.

I can't comment much on the 1st segment, as I missed most of it. However, the 2nd one (Phyllis/Tim/Vivian) -- Whoa!! At the very least, she is a poor actress and a master manipulator; at most, she may truly have some sort of mental illness -- she seems to have no idea what she has said and done, or the possible consequences that could arise from it.

Sad. 

"Funny" -- humorous or strange?

As the segment progressed, that "explanation" seemed more strange than humorous. By the conclusion, I think I buy it about as much as I buy most of Phyllis' other "explanations" and denials.

ITA, she didn't seem to be suffering too terribly with her alleged "MS." (BTW, I actually KNOW someone who has had the disease for about a decade -- although she is better than she was, I guarantee you she is in NO shape to appear on national TV!!).

Think Phyllis does have some FL swampland she's willing to sell? LOL

The ill health card sounds familiar -- my BIL's mother professes to have myriad health problems, including, coincidentally, MS. BIL's mother, too, is an incredibly manipulative witch and further likes to play her sons against each other. My sis was all in her good graces, until the MIL got crossed about something fairly minor. This was about 10 years ago, and they hardly travel over there (she has been to their house an half-dozen times, tops, in the last decade), just b/c this woman's manipulation and drama scenes are so stressful on them and their kids.

Although the show hasn't aired here yet, I've read the postings so far. The possible culprits that have already been named, such as mental illness, simple "bad parenting," working mothers, materialism, nutrition, a society that is angry in general, angry parents, ad infinitum, MAY, to one extent or another (or some combination of several), be operative in an INDIVIDUAL'S case. IMO, it is too easy to point a finger at one potential factor ar another and declare that "THIS" is the problem in today's guests, or with "problem children" in general. Certainly, a qualified mental health pro (such as the good Dr.) can get to the bottom of a specific situation more accurately than we "armchair psychologists!"

For all of you who pine for the "good old days," please consider that in those "good old days," a child who showed those behavior problems might well have been thrown into an institution, be it military school, home for the "mentally deficient,"  or a psychiatric hospital, never to be heard from again by their "perfect" families. Nowadays, parents are expected to somehow know which specialist to see (pediatrician? psychologist (behavioral? Jungian?)? psychiatrist? nutritionist?), which questions to even ask (and if the specialists disagree, figure out whose advice to follow), follow these new directives, and hope to goodness their insurance will pick up the tab. Much more daunting, isn't it?

Happy packing! Sounds like Oldest will be all set very soon.

Hopefully, the teachers actually ADHERE to the 504 plan!! Speaking of meds, now that Middle Son is on a narcolepsy med, is he still on Requip for the Restless Legs Syndrome, or am I confusing that with someone else? A mild Woo-hoo for the already noticeable improvement with the Lamictal. Glad to hear that Youngest Son and intermediate school are getting along so far. Did he get the teacher you had hoped for?

Anne is adjusting to having classes scattereed all over campus. She's less forgetful now about her materials, but still has a tough time knuckling down to weekend HW. In all, though, oddly enough, I think she's got LESS HW now than she did in 5th grade, even with the advanced reading & language arts classes. We'll see how things go when she takes tests.

I, too, got the impression that from Vangie's standpoint, it was all about her, her, her, never mind the anguish she caused her CHILD by having her LIE to the (presumably only) father figure in her life, not just once, but multiple times over many years. If the marriage was sooo awful, she should have "cut bait" YEARS earlier!

I was w/the Doc -- if Vangie would BACK OFF pushing the new man onto Danelle & her family for a while, daughter might come around. It may take longer than Vangie would like, and help from a good therapist for a while, but there is hope.

First, who gave you the ADD diagnosis, your pediatrician or a psychologist? If the former, I would strongly recommend a battery of psychological testing to determine whether you are dealing w/ADD (IMO, it may not be, or it may be mild ADD coupled with loads of anxiety and/or depression). The anger, the opposition, part of that is the approach of puberty, much of it suggests other issues.

Sad to say, the difference in house rules between you & your son's father may be causing much of the problem. Do you & your ex- get along well, or do you believe the ex- is telling your son stuff behind your back? I know from my own experience that my daugher (the same age/grade as your son) seems to act up more when her dad is having "issues" with me, or vice versa. We went though a HORRIBLE patch 3 years ago when I was pregnant w/her brother & her dad (& then stepmother) decided to make LOTS of trouble. Her anger got taken out on me in fights over schoolwork.

Your son is yelling (literally) for help.  Please do not delay in getting appropriate help, but know with what you are dealing.

The FIRST time that the texting-while-driving became an issue (i.e., ticket, accident), the car would have been GONE for at least a month. Summer plans? Either get a ride, bicycle, or walk, sweetie, 'cause obviously you can't handle the responsibility of driving. If it happens again, both the car AND the phone go bye-bye.

There is NO excuse for dancing around this issue. The lives of other drivers are at stake.

My laundry is moaning for attention, as are my dishes, but I couldn't pass through w/out responding to your latest news. *First chair* as a freshman??? That 's nothing short of phenomenal! I'll bet the band work keeps him a pleasant sort of busy. My nephew is also a HS freshman who plays the trumpet, and I guarantee you he's nowhere near first-chair caliber.

The job & apt. stuff will sort out in due course -- I'm sure of that. I'm glad Youngest is taking to 4th grade OK.

Anne is surviving Middle w/nothing more than the usual set of adjustments, a few scrapes such as being late for lunch (yes, they get penalized for that, even if the reason for being late is legit [at the media center]). Now, if she would just quit associating w/this 1 kid from her elementary school days, I'd be more-or-less content. When I get the chance, I'll put the details of the sitch on the Parenting "General Advice" board.