Message Boards

Messages By: violinplayer

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
August 8, 2007, 8:31 am CDT

the name of borderline

The name Borderline personality disorder frustrates me. It seems to me if you are labeled with this personality you are doomed by doctors. People with this disorder does not receive the right help from the mental care facilities. If a person shows any anger (and there is nothing wrong of have the feeling of anger) doctors will have no problem of giving up with you and label you as a problem. It is hard to be borderline. I have bpd and ptsd with major depression with this combination it is hard for me to deal with my past. I am slowly dealing with my past but with the borderline sometimes i feel rage. I don't smash things, hit people,  nor have legal troubles. I don't do drugs or have any additions. At one time i was very suicidal but i am not any more. I have grown as a person and i am learning about my mental illness. I believe if a person has changed and that person who has made great strides to get better should not have the stigma as typical borderlines has. I know the dangers of borderline and sometimes i have to reevaluate my problems in order to succeed over them. I just hate the name of borderline.  
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
September 1, 2007, 11:20 am CDT

getting better

 Marsha linehan was the PhD who developed dpt. Believe me it really works. It has helped me alot. My hospitalization has dropped rapidly. This year i only have been hospitalized one and that was because of a severe flashback that i had in a grocery store and some how i just could not ground myself and a police officer saw my flashback and i could not respond during the flashback until i grounded myself but the police officer thought i was in danger to myself or others, but in reality i was not after my flashback. So I was hospitalized. I was transferred to another town because I live in a small town and the crisis center was full because of remolding and adding beds. The Dr. at this town believes that i don't have bpd because of my severe ptsd. He believes that people with severe ptsd symptoms might be similar to bpd and so the patient will be diagnosed with bpd, but in reality the patient has ptsd. I wish that the Dr.'s in my town do believe the philosophy but they don't. I am seeing a new Dr. in a different town ( different from the hospital) and my counselor is in my town. I love both of them My Dr. is not sure about the bpd and my counselor use the holistic approach that i love and i have improved so much since my hospitalization. I can talk about my childhood abuse now without freaking out. I am now back in college getting another degree. I am getting a nursing degree. I will love to be a psychiatric nurse and help children who are in trouble. As a teacher I see so much abuse and I can only do so much. but being a nurse I can do much more. Life is great.
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
giddy
September 1, 2007, 11:55 am CDT

I,m loosing wieght yeah

Hello everybody I just want to tell people I have lost over 70 pounds. Yeah I am so happy. I am in the 200's now. I thought that day will never come. My twin sister is now mad at me, because now i weigh the same. I have always been the heavier one and thats how people can tell us apart even when we were not considered heavy. Oh i am so happy. My doctor put me on 1000 calorie diet. It was hard for me to do it at first, because I love meat and I never quite learned the portions. I have a 600 pound grandmother who is now in her 300's I am so happy for her. The doctor also put her on a 1000 calorie diet when she was in hospital and in short term care, but now she is in home I know that she is cheating. But anyway I am happy that I am in the 200's. I an taking a nutrient class at a local college and a am talking to the nutrientist that is teaching the class and she is going to give me some recipes that I can use and some more meal plans because I am not so creative and i also asked her what polish meals that i can eat and what i can't eat. I miss Slovak food. anyway thats my story and I'm sticking to it......Michelle
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
October 2, 2007, 8:21 pm CDT

chatty cathy

 I am back in college and i have noticed something that i do. I talk. I mean that i chat so much that the other students and the teacher gets upset with me because of my constant questions. Some of the questions that i ask is sometime not relevant to the topic that we are discussing in class. I have been in school for about 6 weeks now an came to me that me spontaneously behavior is starting to show. Today i had to confess to my therapist that i have been secretly binging on food on a daily for about two weeks. when i come home to relax instead of doing my usual activity to win down i have been eating. I am now over 300 pounds and i hate myself for it. I have worked so hard for losing 70 pounds ( i use to weigh 370 ) I can just cry. At this moment i need someone to tell me that i am doing a good job and i am proud of you going back to school to study to become a nurse. I get alot of flack from my family for my new choice of occupation ( I use to teach music and psychology). My family thinks that i should become a therapist but i don't want to. I have told my family may times that i will love to become a psychiatric nurse (nurse practitioner) who works with children. I am a B average student I am doing good. I just feel like that i am all over the place. My sleep patterns are getting worse and i have talked to my Dr about that I just want to know if everything will be OK
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
October 4, 2007, 7:17 pm CDT

the music biz

I have been a musician for almost all my life. when i first asked my parents if could take piano lessons, my mother beamed. Down the road i learned other musical instruments i performed in many music festivals as a child and as a young adult i became a concert violinist and a music teacher. when i wanted to go into more mainstream i did not like the business anymore. I thought people were more interested in making a fast buck and not with the art and talent with music. When it came with Britney, i see what has happened to many young people who are talented and want fame. They listen to companies who promises them fame if the artist will follow their formula even though it cost the artist their soul. Sex is the biggest seller. Who cares if artist is talented or not make them sell records have young girls sing crappy songs with sexy videos even though there talent is way above that.

drugs and alcohol seems to go to hand and hand when a young artist who is still wet behind the ears and have little coping skills. the record companies loves that because they can control them. this practice should stop.  I feel for Britney and her children. Britney is in trouble,ifear for her life. I have seen so many time in my life the psychological problems that drugs can happen to the person who takes the drugs and the people in the family. May God be watching her and everybody who is connected to this.

 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
October 21, 2007, 6:04 am CDT

what a coincidence!!

I just got done rereading the book, Tuesdays with Morrie, what a great book. People thinks its about death and the dying process, but in reality its about life and how great life is about. Morrie, who suffered from ALS, gave life lessons to Mitch, his student, about love and grief. It is OK to cry. It is OK to be sad, but don't let saddens over run your life. People need to give their priorities right. People are so fascinated about other peoples lives like Britney', Pairs' lives that they are missing out the beauty of their own life, like seeing the fall colors of maple leafs.

in my Church, when someone passes away, we say, "they are bound for glory." Meaning they are with the holy father and we celebrate about life with that person.

 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
ecstatic
December 1, 2007, 11:02 am CST

Normal?

There is nothing wrong to be different as long it does not hurt you or someone else. There is nothing wrong to live out your dreams. Sometimes you have to be little practical, but anyone can be a rock star. Life is too short to live in a life that is unfulfilled. Go out and reach your star. My grandmother says that everybody is a star in their own life. Just remember that. As long you don't hurt your self physically, mentally, or spiritually, there is nothing wrong. 

Peace,

God bless you 

 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
upset
December 2, 2007, 12:32 pm CST

I hate relationships

I am 36 years old. I am or was considered partial recovering BPD and depression. My PTSD was slowly dissolving. I have been homeless, I have abuse my body, and I have not drank in 7 years. I am now back in school learning to become a nurse. I am active in my church and I have many friends. $4 months ago, I saw this guy in my apartment building. I thought this guy was hot. Last night I finally went out with him and I found out that he was a complete a-hole, a user.  I saw the lies right in front of me. At dinner I he wanted to order some wine, I told him that I do not drink. He then said he does not drink at all. But get this, he said do you want to go to my apartment for some beer? I thought to my self, what a great guy. 7 years down the tube. At dinner, I watched this man trying to manipulate his way in my life. I actually saw this. Then he found the one thing that I was vulnerable, and that was touch. I had relationship with that man. Oh, I can't believe it. I just cant believe it. I feel like crap. I wanted t die. I seriously thought of it, then I said to my self, if i was going to hurt myself, I was going to let this guy in my head. That guy is NOT worth it. I prayed to the heavenly father to give me some sort of grounding, the answer I got is to not see him any more. I pray that I will have guidance on what to do. And I pray that I will have someone in my life. I will not let anyone take my smile away anymore.  
 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
quiet
December 3, 2007, 6:14 am CST

mr.x

he called me last night. Like a fool I went. He wanted relationship and i gave it to him. Is there something wrong with me? I have gone so far. I was homeless, had no money, an alcoholic, unstable, institutionalized. I was in hell. I am now back on m feet. I have an apartment, money, I have been sober for 7 years, and I am going back to school. I am putting back the pieces. I finally have a great counselor, and we are working on my childhood. My relationship with God s much closer. People say, I have this light around me that makes them happy. It took a lot of work to make it at that level. I am letting my guard down! But unfortunately people still take advantage. I know I will not go back to Mr X. he is wrong. Lord, make me strong.  

 
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
December 13, 2007, 12:04 am CST

the truth of mr x

I have been talking to my therapist about my downstairs neighbor, Mr x. There were holes in my story that did not add right. Colleen (my therapist) knew that I was having sever back problems. She asked me how was my back? I told her that it had gotten worse. Infact, after finals next week I am going to have several injections at the bottom of my back. Then she asked about the sex itself. It must of hurt, she said. I told her it was painful. I told Mr X NO, I am a Christian, I don't believe premarital sex and plus my back hurts badly.He said he will no hurt me because that he loves me and he still claims he does. He still calls me even I told him that i do not want to date him anymore. At that night, I went to survival skills. I just did what he wanted me to do. I did not fight. I was afraid that my back was going to lock up and i would have to stay there longer. The one thing I just can not get out from my mind was when it was over he told me that I might not remember his name in the future, but I will always remember December 1, 2007. I felt sick. So that is the truth of Mr. X

It's finals week and I am doing OK. I'm still holding a B average. I have decided that I am getting my nursing degree in a different state. I am taking all my pre-req's here at the local community college. College is much different from the last time that I graduated there is so much technology.

I know one thing about my life, I am not letting things getting to me as they did at one time. Once my back is fixed, I can go back working part-time and eventually get off from disability. I want to go back to work and earn my own money.   

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board