Messages By: korinsha

Yes, Christy made some mistakes like scaring her nieces. Yes, she probably bent the truth.  Yes, Dr. Phil found her very unpleasant. Wouldn't you be messed up if you grew up in such dysfunction and abuse? She tried to get her family help and was invalidated and mocked at every turn. To an abuse survivor, it's maddening.

Here's what I believe: Christy and her brother were indeed abused. Either Stacy was spared or she was abused and is in denial (many victims convince themselves that their childhoods were normal as a survival mechanism). If Stacy or her kids were abused, it is ABSOLUTELY possible that out of deeply ingrained shame they might stick to the same denial and fool the police and DHS. My sister and I were two such children. We really were like "the boy called it."  (My jaw dropped when Dr. Phil told Christy, "Well the police investigated it and they were exonerated, so it didn't happen."--I'm paraphrasing)  If I may borrow a Phil-ism, Dr. Phil, If you think a half-a**ed police investigation means parents are innocent, if you don't believe that this happens every day, then you need to go back to school. After my parents were finally caught, our injuries photographed and documented in the ER, we were placed back in the home that very night because there were no vacant foster homes. We had to get family counseling where my parents eventually admitted and apologized. Fifteen years later, my dad waves a letter of exoneration in our faces.

Where are the polygraph answers to THESE questions? Was Christy really horse whipped by her mom? Were she and her siblings abused and tortured while Stacy was spared? Also disappointing, Dr. Phil zoned in on the couple of times that Christy answered deceptively, but never addressed the DISTURBINGLY TRUE answers that she gave.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward OR Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

Sickened:  The Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood by Julie Gregory OR The Psychology of Female Violence:  Crimes Against the Body by Anna Motz MAYBE Whatever Mother Says by Wensley Clarkson

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson 

Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

Some of the story is typical:  early family conflicts, abusive relationships, feelings of insecurity contributing to destructive behaviors such as cruelty, manipulations, rage attacks, revenge, promiscuity, addictions, self-abuse, and eating disorders.  The extreme behaviors of BPD constitute the high drama in the stories of those who endure its ravages.

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn how to live a joyful, peaceful, supportive and fulfilling life.

Hope it helps!