Messages By: nedraewart

In my opinion, the most important factors were that, in ONLY 4 MONTHS of being a newly licensed driver:

1) Chelsea had 5 accidents of various levels of intensity and importance

2) She lied about the facts of some and didn't let mom learn about one

3) One was going 80 mph in a 55 mph zone, 25 miles over the posted speed !  15 mph over limit is considered excessive by the police and at 25 mph over, she should have lost her license when the officer stopped her.

4) She admitted to being an addict.  She stated "I can't NOT look."  Like an alcoholic, she risks all our lives when she's on the road. She's just like the alocholic who crossed the centerline and killed my postmaster's husband.

5) She doesn't admit responsibility for her actions or accept the facts that prove she's a dangerous driver.  She denied the truths pointed out by the driving test by discounting it's validity.  She smiled, laughed and smirked the entire time while her mother sat there shocked to learn the facts her daughter admitted to the Dr. Phil staff, that she'd hidden from her mom.  She lacks the maturity needed to be allowed to drive!

6) She looked sad or pouted only when you suggested her phone and/or car be removed, and when the truth of that young man's admissions got through to her.

7) Her mom, while obviously very worried and concerned, apparently doesn't know how to use TOUGH LOVE.  I fear mom won't follow through on what must be done.

 

I was shocked that noone suggested immediate removal of texting privileges from her phone.  In reality, she should have a phone that's ONLY allowed to call limited phone numbers that she needs for safety, including 911, family members and things like possibly her doctor.  Such limits CAN be placed on cell phones. 

 

I was horrified at Chelsea's flippant, laughing, immature attitude.  Some of it was nervous laughter, but nervous that her full admissions were being aired and could no longer be hidden.  Her only sadness was when she thought she'd actually have to pay a penalty for being outed for all her infractions.  

 

I was amazed that she considers herself to be a good, safe 'texter' when she's had 5 serious dangerous driving events in only 4 months, from driving 80 in a 55mph zone, to crossing the center line, to several slow speed (thank God) collisions because she was texting.  I believe it was said she already caused over $3000. in damages in one of her accidents.  How many accidents does it take for her to accept that she's a BAD texter???

 

I must admit that much of our society has helped teach her this terrible attitude.  I got my CDL at age 53 and from the seat of my 18 wheeler, I've seen many people reading books, newspapers, women putting on clothing and makeup as they drive at freeway speeds.  I see many people driving while talking on their cell phones, and the first clue is that they speed up/slow down/swerve and can't stay within their lane of traffic.  I ONLY talk hands free and I never give first attention to my phone... I ignore it if traffic warrants my attention. 

 

Mom! You need to go to Tough Love mode.

1) She's to be allowed NO texting on her phone till she's 21

2) She's to be allowed ONLY a limited number of phone #'s that she can call in emergencies till she's 21.

3) She's not allowed to drive a car till she's 18 because of crossing the center line and going 80 in a 55 zone!

4) You can allow these younger ONLY IF she gets straight A's in school consistently for a year.  If she gets privileges early, they're taken away if she has any accidents. 

5) Have your local police send an officer to talk to her, or maybe take her on a ride-along so she learns some facts of how texting and driving drunk kill and maim.  I think they will do so when you tell them she drove 80 in a 55 zone. 

 

Mom, if you don't cut off her privileges now, she won't LIVE to be 18.  She'll be like those 5 girls in NY who are now dead, and the worst is that she'll take others with her when she kills herself. 

 

You both need to listen to the young man.  If he tells you all of what he's been through, he might even say that he wakes up at night screaming in nightmares, reliving that horrible day. 

 

Chelsea doesn't have the right to ruin MY life and MY ability to earn a living, so I don't want her out on any streets I drive on.  If she kills herself on my truck, I will wake in screaming nightmares every night for the rest of MY life, because she couldn't control her addiction!  That's just not fair.

 

So, WAKE UP Mom!

And Chelsea, you lost your rights when you drove 80 in a 55 zone, and crossed the center line, and flippantly laughed and stated "I can't NOT look"

I don't know what might be the source of your step-son's rage, but it may always be directed  at you.  With his starting so young to try to take your life, I think I'd have to recommend you never let him back in your home.  If he appears to finally understand the gravity of what he has done, and apologizes, and IF you and the medical staff who are currently caring for him have any reasonable expectation that hes being honest in his apology, and not just role playing to get at you again, and if they recommend taking him home, then I recommend you make him a ward of the court before he comes home. 

To those who have not lived this nightmare, this may seem extreme, but I have walked in your shoes.  My son, however, was 20 when he attempted to take my life in the middle of my divorce.  All his life he was full of rage, and he always blamed me for everything he thought was wrong with his life.  I immediately moved into "tough love" mode, and moved him out that same night.   He claimed he didn't know who did it, but later admitted it was him.  He mournfully asked how I could throw him out on the street to sleep.   I calmly told him he'd made that decision for me when he took action against me and so it was simply a logical consequence of his actions.... one I could not change.  Like I told him, "you can't live here any more".

I tried to keep in touch via email, after he got out of jail on a 5 year probation.  Every email got a nasty response from him.  So, finally, I had to let him go totally.  It was very painful to give him up, but my first responsibility is to take care of me, so I am there for the rest of the family, and for my responsibility to take good care of myself.  I've had no contact with him for about 8 years now.  I had to love him by letting him go and letting him NOT be in my life.

As bad as things have been with your step-son, I believe you will have to do as I have done.  Some children choose to not heal.  Some of my son's problems come from his father; most come from his intrinsic personality.... and are his responsibility alone.  He's an addictive type personality; he blames me for all his woes and problems, rather than taking personal responsibility.  I will pray for you.