Messages By: lisluvsace00

Quote From: mpc333

My daughter says what I have done is "Unforgiveable".   I just don't understand how some people can be the way they are.  I was brought up with very clear values regarding respect of elders and feel I have been treated totally like a piece of dirt.  My daughter continues to disrespect me - scream at me, berate me verbally and mentally abuse me.  I feel like I am being used for my money and when my daughter doesn't get what she wants she denies me visitation with my grandchildren.  Now I am not allowed to see the children at all - she says "for the rest of my life.  I have gone out of my way to keep 3 rental income properties going for over 2-1/2 years now.  My son-in-law is 1/2 owner in these properties and has not contributed a single penny.  I am attempting to work out a resolution with a mortgage company to modify the payment - or get it refinanced so that the payment can be more affordable, but I cannot refinance on my own because my expenses are over $5,000 a month more than my income (disability income).  My son-in-law and daughter have, ONCE AGAIN, lied and manipulated me into making two more mortgage payments from my retirement account (I'm on disability due to a severe back injury) They have promised that they would make a payment - NOT HAPPENING.  My daughter said if I paid July they would pay August.  Then my son-in-law said he didn't have enough money to make the August payment - so, once again, I paid it (am I stupid or just naive?).   My son-in-law CLAIMS to have someone interested in buying one of he houses, but will not give me, OR THE REALTOR, any information about these people.  I feel completely violated - I know that no one can control me unless I allow them to, and I continue to fall for their lies and empty promises.  I feel like such a fool.  My son-in-law was supposed to send in his income and expense information to the mortgage company so we could qualify for a "loan modification" to prevent the house from going into foreclosure.  The ONLY reason he is even agreeing to this is because they (my daughter and son-in-law) want to buy a new house and have the kids go to a better school district.  I AGREE WITH THAT.  I would love to see them move to a different school district, however, NOT AT MY EXPENSE ANYMORE.  My son-in-law and daughter live the "high life" and I have been paying for it for far too long.  I am draining my investment accounts and retirement money just to keep the houses going.  My expenses are over $5,000 a month more than my disability income and I cannot qualify on my own for even a refinance.  However, my son-in-law STILL has not sent in his income information to the mortgage company so that we could possibly get a modification.  I JUST FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL THAT I HAVE FALLEN FOR HIS LIES ONCE AGAIN - AND SINCE I MADE TWO MORTGAGE PAYMENTS (totaling $2,200) IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO GET THE MONEY FOR MY MONTHLY EXPENSES.  The mortgage company said that someone named "Marianne" spoke to me on 9/4/07 - NOT TRUE - The only person I spoke to that day was a woman by the name of Annie.  I write down every single person I speak with, their extension, their department, the time I speak with them and what is said in the conversation.  I NEVER SPOKE WITH THAT WOMAN THAT DAY, yet the mortgage company files show that she spoke with ME.  NOT POSSIBLE.  I just feel so betrayed.  I have been called "selfish", a "pathological liar", and a drug addict  by my daughter and son-in-law (I'M 14 YEARS CLEAN & SOBER) and many many more nasty things that I cannot even put on paper, and I cannot take it anymore.  I need to keep reminding myself that after paying almost $100,000 (it has grown from $85,000) that they continue to call me "selfish".  I KNOW I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE, HOWEVER, my daughter gets her nails done every few weeks, her eyebrows waxed, they have taken 6 vacations in the last 1-1/2 years,  remodeled their kitchen, added a patio and new furniture....and the list goes on.  I have had to resort to cashing in change to pay some of my own personal expenses as well as draining my retirement account.  YET I AM THE VILLIAN and THEY WILL NOT LET ME SEE MY GRANDCHILREN.  They are holding them hostage for money and a bigger, better house - and in turn I keep falling for their sob stories of not having enough money to make a mortgage payment for these homes.  I just don't know how much more I can take.  Should I let it go into foreclosure?  Should I keep throwing good money after bad?  Do I continue to allow them to control my thoughts, actions and emotions?  I think it's about time I stood up for myself and put an end to this - BUT THEN I'M THE SELFISH "B____" THAT WON'T ALLOW THEM TO MOVE TO A NEW HOUSE.  Is it my responsibility to support them?  A friend of mine said I should "do the right thing" and pay the mortgages and let them move - I have no problem with them moving - but am I supposed to continue to let them hold me hostage and use the children as pawns to control my actions?  Isn't there something wrong with this picture?  Am I wrong in wanting my son-in-law (who is 32 years old and has a good job as a Financial Advisor) to own up to his commitment and financial responsibility to the investment houses?  OR do I go broke supporting the investments and leave myself with nothing?  Am I being selfish or just taking care of myself?  I'm beginning to question my own self-worth and values because of this.  I don't think it's my responsibility to continue to support my daughter and her husband by making all these payments on my own.  He went into this willingly and aware of what the expenses would be, and it has only been since April that I have begun to ask him to help out financially.  AM I WRONG?  I'm just very confused - AM I BEING SELLFISH OR SHOULD HE BE TAKING ON THE BURDEN ALSO SO I CAN SUPPORT MYSELF?

Quote From: amw1217

5 years ago on my 30th birthday my husband thought he had caught me messing around with another guy.  Such was not the case.  He let his imagination get the best of him.  He escalated a situation that was very simple into something way crazy.  He packed my things for me and kicked me out for a day.  Then called me begging me back. So I took him back because I loved him then as I do now.  We now have a beautiful 3 yr. old son together and we have been married for 8 and a half yrs.  To this day he still insists that I had an affair(which I did not).  I am not allowed to go out with friends,  I have to call home on all my breaks and lunches,  he doesn't want me sitting with any of my co-workers at lunch or break.  In the last year he has cut me off from my girlfriend across the street. I can in no way contact her or he threatenes divorce.  I absolutely love my job and I never miss a day.  My job is the only outside communication I have with the world. Recently he started working where I do, but on different shifts. So now he sees all the people that I have informed him of.  I have kept him informed of everything that goes on at work so he will never think I am hiding anything. What a good wife...right? or not? Today one of my co-workers was leaving to take a job somewhere else.  All of us on my crew were to go to the bar for a quick drink to say goodbye and keep in touch , yadda yadda yadda, to show our appreciation for having met and worked with this guy.  He has been an inspiration to us all with his weight loss in the last year( he lost 134 lbs since last November...wow!) we are all so proud of him. He is very married and speaks of his lovely wife often. ............long story short, I really wanted to go and had made arrangements and everything and my husband FORBID me to go and said if I did i would be signing my divorce papers by the end of the month.  What do I do to get him to get over the alleged affair he 'thinks' I had? He is making my life absolutely miserable. He has shown me no affection ( hugs and kisses just because) in almost 5 years.  I need this kind of love not just sex.  What can I do to fix this??? 

Quote From: annieorwell

Amy, many people here are wondering, are you and Heidi in love? Or is she in love with you? Did the two of you have an affair?

Quote From: twyzted

Hey All

 

I'll apologize in advance because I know this is going to be a long post. But I'm hoping to get some outside opinions on this. I'm not yet married but do plan on it in the near future, and it scares me to think of moving that far because of what I've dealt with from his family so far. Let me explain.

 

My boyfriend and I started dating in high school. Things didnt work out, kid stuff, and a few years later we reconnected. Things have been amazing between the two of us. It was love all over again, and we are completely devoted to one another. The problem is not our relationship. Its his family!

 

When we first started dating his family was really accepting of me. I stayed at his parents house often, and everyone was decent. Soon I realized this was just an act, and they had all been saying things about me since the beginning. I overheard one of these conversations, and then was informed by his sister in law as well.

 

His mother and father have gone insanely overboard. They kicked me out of their home, calling me nasty degrading names, telling the family I have given my boyfriend STD's, and the entire family seems to think I'm the spawn of satan all of a sudden. Everytime theres an argument with him, all they can say to him is "It's okay, we dont blame you, we know where its really coming from" and to everyone else "Its not his fault, its that thing he's with". I've done my best to just bow out of family functions, and try to spend my time away from them, but they continually talk about me to everyone they know. Recently they've gone far enough to talk about my younger sister and how shes just as bad as I am. They dont even know my sister!

I know I'm not completely innocent in this, and have yelled back before, but have not said anything nasty, and have definately not tried to turn my boyfriend against them.

 

My problem is this. I dont want to cause my boyfriend to lose his entire family, but he's become disgusted with their behaviour towards me, and their inability to accept his decisions. I've tried more than once to make amends with his family, but it seems unless they need something from us, they never come to our apartment and never call unless its to make us feel like garbage.

 

Am I right in wanting nothing to do with them, and wanting them to have nothing to do with any family him and I may build in the future? If they came back with a genuine apology, I would have no problem trying to work things out, but no one will take any ownership! His mother is still upset that I broke his heart in high school, and that I am controlling and manipulative.

Quote From: jaimie1974

You said that his family has treated you badly, what about their behavior towards your husband? Are they equally disrespectful to him also? Was this disconnect initiated by the two of you or by your MIL? (just curious!)
I know it is really frustrating to be accused of doing something you didnt do- in your case, lying and emotionally abusing her.. but youve got to remember the type of people that you are dealing with. These arent rational, reasonable people who want to get along. They are people who enjoy chaos and dysfunction. So, they will make up lies/accusations in an attempt to validate their actions. I suspect that your MIL is offended that she has been disconnected from her son, so when you two made an attempt to reconcile, she is being childish and shes playing the game back at you. She doesnt want to communicate because she is trying to give you a taste of your own medicine, trying to make things equal. In an attempt to make her actions sound reasonable, she is accusing you of lying to her and emotionally abusing her. Real nice, huh!??
Your MILs actions is proof that she hasnt changed at all. She isnt interested in getting along, she only wants to dominate. Although this is hurtful for your husband, it is the best for him, because no matter how hard he tries, there isnt anything that he will ever do that will make them (all of the in-laws) happy. Yes, it is sad for your husband that things are like this. When he reflects on the past and what a close relationship he used to have with his family, it is possible that his memories are tricking him. What I mean by that is this: sometimes when a person passes away, their friends/family members elevate that person to be imperfect while they were here on earth. In that same sense, your husband might be reminiscing about the past and romanticizing the actual events to be great, when the reality was that there was always a level of dysfunction in the family. I wish you the best- try to keep yourselves busy so that you dont have much time to dwell on this!