Messages By: lisluvsace00

Dr. Phil is brilliant, but if he has a blind spot, it's where he thinks all parents and children can have a good relationship (and where he thinks all grandparents are good for their grandkids,) which isn't true.  I'm glad he had such a nice upbringing that he can't conceive of a relationship that you just need to get out of (funny, he can with marriages), but sometimes that is what you have to do for your peace of mind.  My controlling critical mother was in other was a good provider, no criticisms there.  She wasn't a monster and we had our good times.  But there comes a time to leave the nest, and controlling parents turn into shrieking harrions during this time, I'm afraid.  Just like controlling men lose it and go off when their browbeaten wife finally wises up and leaves them. 

I had to cut my mom off when I was about 20 because she had become unbearable to be around to the point of abusive.  She would make such a scene if I just had to come home for a minute to get something that it mortified my friends.  Like you, I was no angel at that age, but it's not like anything in my childhood should have caused her to think I was going to be lost to the world, because I was always good and had common sense.  And like you said, there's reasons why you escape.  PS, I escaped and experimented plenty and got it out of my system and stopped when I got bored.  Hopefully, you'll do the same.  I am familiar with your profession, having once worked for a label.  Best of luck there. 

I think you DO have to cut your mom off until she gets a grip on herself.  I do think part of her interest is greed, but mostly I think  since she's always been a typical stage mom, she just wants you to live her life for her, the one she didn't have because she had children too early, and she thinks you owe her and she wants to continue to control you so you do her bidding.  She admitted she doesn't know what the F she's doing.  She needs to butt out and give you some peace.  MAYBE if she would learn to give you some space and get something going in her own life, you could find some common ground sometime.  It wasn't until I refused to see my mother for a couple of months that she put up the white flag and vowed to stop harping on me.  This actually worked for some time, and we enjoyed a better relationship for awhile.  She had to just give it up and let go.  I had to make her.  Now, when she got elderly, she started back up again, so these things probably are never permanent, but I am glad we had a few years when I could enjoy being around her for some limited period of time. 

But I do understand she's been more of a manager than a mom to you.  It's a unique situation.  She just may not ever know how to be a mom.  But if she'd get off you, maybe you could have some sort of relationship sometime.  She needs to butt out of your business though.  I don't know why Dr. Phil calls angry women snotty.  Keeping the rage inside isn't healthy.  He should be glad you're expressing it.  You need to get it all out.  I know that one reason this is all coming to a head is that the more you see of the rest of the world, the more you realize how twisted your little world had become, and it makes you angry.  Cut her off and let her find a life to conduct other than yours and let her earn her way back in by changing her behavior.  And you just sing it out and get it off your chest so it doesn't stay with you your whole life for you to pass down to any kids you may choose to have.