Messages By: cartilagecrown

I WILL START OFF WITH SOME COMMENTS I TOOK FROM THIS BOARD.

"he is not a grown man he is a child"

"He's a baby"

"I have a 22 yr old son with a 39 yr old woman and makes me ill to think about it.  To me she is like a child molester,"

"First, she's showing how insecure she is by being with a CHILD!!!"

"There is a woman in her 40' s dating a BOY who just turned 20"

"HE IS A CHILD for God's sake. An 18-yr old male is still a child by any stretch of the imagination. He maybe cannot even recognize that this is wrong but you are a grown woman and should be able to walk away."

"That 18 year old child is just that a child."

"Where are the parents of the child this woman is sleeping with???"

"The fact that a grown woman needs a pimply faced 18 year-old boy"

"Now you have a situation where if she does end this relationship, what's going to happen to this kid?  Is he going to fall into a depression, or keep following a pattern of dating older women? .... He seemed like a very nice kid, and you can't tell a teenager anything, they don't listen."

"The older woman is called a child molester."

Ok, now that I have all that done, I shall argue it.

I am a 20 year old with a 19 year old boyfriend.

None of you are going to be outraged by that, now are you?

I realize that what most of you are angry about is the fact that a 38 year old woman is going out with an 18 year old.  She's more mature, and has more common sense about what this relationship is more than the guy, right.

But is it right to call him a BABY and a CHILD?  It's not child's play when a 20 year old and a 19 year old have sex.  Is it just because it's ok for an 18 year old to have sex as long as it's with an 18 year old girl?

But you don't call an 18 year old a BABY just because he's going out with an older woman.

He's not a baby.  He can vote, smoke, buy lottery tickets, go in adult bookstores, he can even go off in Iraq and die for our country.  And yet he's CLEARY not old enough to make his own decisions!

Some of these comments, I hear some of you basically saying, "this poor CHILD can't possibly think for himself! The poor baby needs a bottle!  At 18, you are equal to an INFANT emotionally!  The poor baby will go into a depression just because the woman is 38!!!"

If he is a baby, then me and my boyfriend are babies.

Funnily enough, though, we don't go around in diapers and we don't play with blocks.

And seriously, I understand that younger adults (like, 18-25 year olds) are not as mature as older adults.  I know that.

And I understand that some of you are mostly mad because  a much older woman is dating this guy who is the youngest age he can be and still legally be with her.

But that's no reason to say things like he's a baby and a child.  He is an adult and he can think for himself.

He doesn't need his mommy and daddy to tell him what to do.

And he's not going to be horrificly scarred from this relationship.

Yeah, it's probably not the best for him, but it's not like he's going to be destroyed by this.  As long as she lets him know that it's for fun, why can't he casually date an older woman just like he would a girl his own age?  He's just experiencing new things.

As long as he doesn't think that the relationship is something it's not, and he just wants to have fun and so does she, then they're allowed to.

Usually guys are not so fragile that one little relationship when he's 18 will destroy his whole life.

This relationship probably isn't the best for this guy, long term wise.  But if both ADULTS just want to have fun and have a fling, I think it's ok for an 18 year old and a 38 year old go out, as long as neither of them are taking advantage of the other.  (just because he's young doesn't mean he's vulnerable and will so easily fall into the clutches of an older woman taking advantage of him)

All I'm saying is that you all act like he's an innocent little lamb that the big bad wolf is about to devour.

A relationship between a guy who is around 18 and a woman who is in her mid-thirties is a good match in some ways...  A guy reaches his sexual peak around his early twenties, a woman reaches her sexual peak around mid-thirties.  ^.^

This book is not all that people say it is. Yeah, death is around, and it sucks when it happens.

He just spent time around an old guy.  Old people talk about death a lot because for them, it's most likely going to happen to them sooner.  Just because a guy was around to hear the old guy talking about death doesn't mean it's more significant.

It reminds us to enjoy life- a simple message that comes around often.

Not every kid has a parent that they can talk to about sex, or almost anything.

I like the idea of bc being in schools, but parents should be able to not let their kids have that option. And once they get to high school, I say let the kids get bc without the parents- kids need to do what's good for their own health once they get to the later teen years..

I HIGHLY believe that sex education should be taught in school.

If some dumb parents want to believe that their little angel couldn't ever do something like that because they only taught her that sex goes against god or something, and doesn't expain how her body works or how sex works, and then wonders why she got pregnant, the only people who suffer is the teens.

Also to the argument of "it will make kids have sex because if they have the bc, it's a green light!"

As someone who has left high school only a few years ago, I have to say, if a young boy or girl is NOT having sex, the option of birth control is not going to change their mind.  And if they are going to have sex, then they will.  Bc or not!

The only kids who might change their mind are kids who were already wanting to do it, and the only thing stopping them is the fear of  pregnancy or diseases, then they get a condom and it's like, "why not?"

But I highly doubt that MANY teens would be converted into sex because they have a condom.

However, I do think we should talk to kids and tell them the dangers of having sex to early.  It's not good.  But they will end up doing it, so prepare!

I have to say, although I am VERY sorry for you having to go through the pain of being with a guy that sucks, I am really disappointed that there are still women out there that actually believe that just because some (maybe even a lot of) guys are NOT honest, kind, and loyal; then that means that ALL guys will not be honest, kind, and loyal.

I would be especially disappointed if the women that are so quick to assume that every single male on earth will have the same bad traits, have also met women who are dishonest, mean, or another unfavorable trait, and didn't assume that all women on earth were like that.

See, amazingly, there ARE nice guys out there!

My boyfriend and I are about to celebrate our third anniversary as a couple.

He never speaks to me in a bad manner, the only porn he sees is the porn videos we got for ourselves to play when we have sex, he doesn't cheat on me  (and trust me, I know) he never pressured me for sex in the begining, I had to start seducing him! He was so nervous and sweet about it.

He has respect for women. Part of it might be the times when he was young and he saw his mom hurl guys across the room... it let him know that women are strong.

He has lied a few times about not very important things, but I can always tell. He' s always so guilty. ^.^

He is sensitive to my feelings and will be loving to me, and he can be a dignified, respectful manly man.

Him and all of his friends are not as obsessed with sex as some guys.  They don't bring up sex a lot.  They'll be intimate with their girlfriends, of course, but they won't sit there and talk about things like, "oh, she's hot, yeah,I'd do her" like you might hear some guys say.

Well, actually, they will.  But it's because they're NOT like that, and they're mocking guys who do.

I know guys like these are rare, but they are out there.

So, basically you want laws to enforce dress codes to make sure everyone is presentable according to your standards.

Let’s say I see an old lady with a huge woolly red and green santa-faced Christmas sweater, or a big, ugly, neon orange floral dress. Should I be able to ban ugly patterns and ill-fitting shoulder pads because I think that they make women look "ridiculous"?

How will police even enforce this? How baggy is too baggy? Will the police measure the amount of bagginess? I've seen guys wear pants about five times too big, (I don’t even know how they get them to stay up) and I also know guys who get just a size or two bigger, so they have slightly baggy pants. Will the (hypothetical) law cover only REALLY baggy pants, or will anyone get fined for daring to wear their pants a size or two big? What if I'm feeling sick and I want comfortable, baggy pants and they're too baggy? What if some people just don't like tight pants?

I just wonder how people define these baggy pants. My boyfriend wears pants a size bigger just because he doesn’t want them too tight on his waist. They’re not really, really baggy, they’re only slightly baggy. The word baggy sounds weird after a while when I think about it a lot.

Yes, people need to choose their own clothes.

I started having sex at 17, and my bf was 16. We were both virgins and used protection. And of course, we were in teen love. Now I'm 21 and my bf is 20.

We still love each other more than anything and for us, sex did NOT destroy us. I did not have my self esteem shattered, and I was not called names. I can see how teen sex is not  a good idea most of the time, but let's face it, not everyone is the same. Some people (believe it or not) can be totally different than others and not get the same exact result from teen sex. Like, how I had sex at 17 and I don't seem to have any scars from it. So, I didn't like that one guy screaming about how if a teen has sex, their self worth and lives are automatically shattered.

(But yeah, a lot of teens probably shouldn't have sex. I don't deny that most teens are lacking in the ability to be responsible and think ahead. Teens are more likely to go on their emotions. I don't advocate teen sex.)

I know that a lot of times, people bring up the religious view about how sex is only for marriage. Marraige is just a piece of paper. A loving, committed relationship (with or without a marriage certificate) is the best time for sex, in my opinion. I plan on only sharing intamacy with my bf for the rest of my life. And if for some reason (a reason I can't fathom now) I do happen to seperate from my bf, I would wait until I was in a loving, good relationship (like the one I'm in now) before I considered any sexual business.

Information is good because even if the teen doesn't have sex as a teen, they will still have sex when they're an adult. All teens should be taught all about their bodies, sex, contraceptives, and the emotional aspect of sex and relationships, preferably by their parents.

Drug use in teens? What's new?

People have been taking natural drugs (like marijuana and mushrooms) for many, MANY years. Now, in recent years, drugs are seen as evil.

And there are evil drugs. Man made ones. I am terrified of meth and heroin and cocaine. Those drugs will get you physically addicted in a short period of time and some of them have very bad chemicals in them.

However, I can honestly say that I've never met a single person who only smokes marijuana and is a troubled person. If they drink or do any other drug, then they sometimes start acting weird.

I'm not saying that marijuana is good for you AT ALL but I'm saying that in my personal experience, every single person I've met that smoked marijana and didn't do any other drugs were never people that did anything violent or crazy because of the drug. In fact, they are totally normal. And most were not tempted into harder drugs or anything.

I know some people may not believe me, but I've seen responsible, well adjusted families where every single memeber (and they're all adults) smoke pot, and they have fewer problems than my own family and none of us do it! And no, they don't secretly fall apart when the doors are closed, they're a really nice family, and all the members are intelliegent and friendly. And you wouldn't even know that they occasionally smoke pot.

I've seen many people be violent and unstable on alcohol, though. I've seen that A LOT. I'd much rather someone smoke pot than drink.

I'm sorry if it offends anyone. But I'm just going by personal experience. Besides the fact that it's illegal, I've never seen pot alone ruin anyone's life. (and becuase it's illegal that I don't do it. I don't want to go to jail!)

However, just to let you know, I'd like it if people didn't even need drugs at all, because then they can just get high off life. I'm just saying, marijuana is the least troublesome.

Seriously, ONLY pot made your son violent and evil? Well, if that's what happened to your son, then that sucks.

I don't think that it changes my mind about pot at all, though.

I still believe that marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol and other drugs. I mean, I'm not saying that it's great for you at all. It does get smoke into your lungs and make you a little more forgetful. But I know people who smoke pot only, and then I know people who do other drugs and drink. The people who only smoke pot are usually noththing like you describe your son being, whether they are on or off the stuff. In fact, most of the time, I can't even tell if they are high or not! The people who do other drugs or drink turn violent and crazy, sometimes, though.

What you described in your sons behavior is new to me. He must have had an fairly bad psychological addiction. But I, personaly, have never known ANYONE to need it soooo bad when they're off it, that they turn violent. Maybe a little moody, but that's it. And most of the time, (again) I don't even know if they have had it or not.

I'm sorry about your son, but nothing your son went through will make me think differently people who ARE good, honest, friendly people that you would NEVER suspect have some pot occasionally. Why should I dislike it if they smoke pot if it doesn't make them moddy or violent or hateful? (besides it being illegal but I don't agree with drug laws anyway) If your son got that way only from pot, then yeah, he should avoid it. But that doesn't mean that everyone will be affected that way.

I am open minded. I have heard pros AND lots of cons for marijuana. But, in the end, I go by my personal experiences, not anyone elses.

Again, I wish we could all just get high on life and not have to have this debate. But if I'm not going to tell someone whether or not they can put alcohol in them and ruin their liver, then I won't tell them if they can smoke weed (for adults, only btw.)

Living in denial? That's what's full of crap.

Look. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH.

I'll keep living and being in "denial" and whatever but that doesn't change the fact that I know happy, HEALTHY, good, honest people who are some of the least violent and crazy people I know and yes, they smoke pot.

And no, they're not addicted because most of them go for long periods of time without it (I hear about it later) and their behavior doesn't change.

I bet that almost everyone on here has a friend that does it and they don't know.

I know of a nurse that doesn't care if her son does it because she KNOWS it doesn't affect him in a bad way. (She grew up in the era BEFORE the war on drugs, so she's not programmed to hate it. Her husband smoked all his life and she was fine with it.)

In fact, MANY people that I know that do smoke have excellent jobs AND family.

If your mom got brain damage from ONLY pot then I wonder why I can have intelligent conversations with older adults (like, 40s and 50s) who admit to doing lots of weed and even other drugs and drinking and they still speak fine.

I HAVE EVEN SEEN SOME PEOPLE LIKE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. I have seen some potheads who are lazy and who do stupid stuff. Again, usually it's not even the pot, but I won't deny that pot has the possibilty (not guarantee) of someone reacting bad to it. I think it sucks, but again, not everyone can handle it.

I think that people start being violent and crazy when they use pot to COPE with stuff but amazingly, not everyone uses it for that!

Sometimes, they only smoke occasionally when they're hanging out with friends! I know people who ONLY do it when they're hanging out with friends and they're not using it to "cope with problems" and they're fine.

It's kind of like alcohol. If you use it to cope with things, it will mess you up. If you use it moderately and only to have just a little bit of fun, then that's fine. Dr Phil even said he doesn't mind if someone has a glass of wine every day. That's basically saying if you don't abuse alcohol, it's ok to have an occasional drink. So why is it that no one can have an occasional joint? Because again, I see way less trouble with people who only smoke compared to the ones who drink. Some of the drinkers get insane.

But I will never be convinced that someone is crazy and violent when they're not just because you've seen people like that.

Please, do not tell me that it's impossible for someone to be perfectly normal while also being an occasional pothead, because it is true. There is also the chance that they will abuse it, though, like alcohol.

I will NEVER be convinced that the well educated, well spoken, friendly, honest, hard working people that I know will occasionly smoke pot at ANYTHING but what I SEE WITH MY OWN EYES.

I can be convinced that some people can't handle it (it's true! some people can't!) but you won't convince me to see what's not there in someone just because you think you're a expert on weed and how it affect everyone because you know some people who use it.

If I'm in denial, then whatever. It won't change my life, or any of my friend's lives. I'll just have to suffer the agony of knowing potheads and not getting violence or insanity from them.

I applaud you! You are an example of someone who uses it and somehow didn't automatically turn into a crazy, violent, monster! I know lots of people who are similar to you. They use it and you wouldn't even know from the outside!

Some people actually think that they're better than "potheads" and pop their adderall and oxycotins that the doctor even prescribed and act like weed is evil!

Bravo to you for using it without it using you! If everyone was like you, it wouldn't be on Schedule 1!

Cocaine is even on Schedule 2! That's bull.