Messages By: kimberlykee

Gloria Alred can stuff it.

I am living the reality of paternity fraud with my boyfriend - a sweet and caring guy who blindly believed and never wanted nothing more than to be a father to his daughter.

In an attempt to gain some type of shared custody or visitation of the child - now 10 years old - we have learned that he is not the biological father.  He VOLUNTARILY paid child support - every single penny he could spare - for 10 years.  Thought he was helping to set up house for a woman who got married and knocked-up again all while sweet-talking him on the phone long distance.

Funny thing is, my BF never spent enough time with this child to have formed any kind of real relationship (his ex controlled and manipulated visitation to an extreme extent), but when you believe that a child is yours, a good person will love them regardless.  How do you turn off that love?  She not only robbed him of what would be his only child, but also stole 10 years of his life.  He could have spent that time and that money on building a real life, not funding some woman's lie.

So, now we hear that there is a STRONG possibility that this sweet little girl may call multiple men "daddy" so that her mother can make a decent living on her fraud.  it is disgusting and repulsive, and guess what, Gloria?  This crime preys on the guys who care the most, who want to do the right thing.  The biggest victims are these children  - at the hands of their own mothers!

My boyfriend has no rights to contact with the child he believed to be his for 10 years - so whatever his ex has told her about his disappearance is the only truth she will know.  Oh yeah - the penalty for this woman's crime?  NADA.  ZIP.  There are no laws to protect men against this kind of fraud.

And I agree with you, Dr. Phil, when you said that this disturbs you on many levels.  It does me, too.  And my boyfriend.  Just think of the emotional trauma incurred when a man learns that his child is not his child.  As a woman and a mother, I can't begin to get my head around it, but yet I cry every time I think about it.  After just two visits, even I was a bit "in love" with this child.

Thanks for giving this topic some air time - but next time, tell Gloria to keep her freaking mouth shut unless and until she has known a good man caught up in the crime of paternity fraud.

First of all - I am ALL FOR putting the needs of the child first, but unless and until you have seen a good man CRUSHED by the news that his child is not, in fact, his child, you really need to zip it.

I watched a man get shut out of his child's life for years.  Everytime he wanted a visitation, he was a bad guy who hadn't earned the right to see his daughter.  He was accused of neglect and abandonment, abuse, and even rape - all things he would be incapable of. Only when he had money to send was he allowed to see his little girl - only he had to travel to another state in the hopes that he could buy a meal for his daughter and her mother, he got a lousy 45 minutes with them during which time the mother dominated the conversation.  This went on for 8 years - until I met him.

At first I thought - "leave it alone, his relationship with his ex is his business..." but after a while, it drove me nuts that she defined "fatherhood" as nothing more than a paycheck, and I not only pushed him to get an attorney, but also indicated that this might be a dealbreaker.  I needed him to step-up and be more than a bank account for his daughter.

You all want to know why he never did anything about it sooner?  Because for years this woman beat him down to a place where he couldn't fight back.  She threatened parental alienation, once even telling him that she would make sure he never saw that child again.  His parents had not seen their granddaughter for about 8 years -- but gifts and money were always accepted.

The first thing required by the court when seeking a shared parenting plan is DNA.  He had no doubt that this little girl was his - even I said she looked like him.  The day of our court hearing is when we heard the results - NOT the father.  He called the child's mother that morning to inform her of the test results and ask her if she felt compelled to offer an explanation - no response.  And while waiting for our hearing, she walks in with her husband, father, father's friends - an entire entourage - walks in front of us and says to her husband "let's go honey, something stinks in here."  Yep - she engages in 10 years of intentional paternity fraud, steals 10 years of a GOOD man's life, and then walks her smug little self into court and insults US?!?!?

What is wrong with poeple?

And like I started this message - unless and until you have been in the room with a man who has experienced a phone call like that, you cannot even begin to get your head around the trauma.  Is the girl on the show traumatized as well?  Of course - but blame her MOTHER for creating a situation that caused her father to have an emotional, knee-jerk reaction like he did.  She should rot in prison - THAT would be in the best interests of a child who has been used and manipulated.

As far as I'm concerned, women who use their children for this reason are no different than pimps who are prostituting their children for a big payday.  My boyfriend's ex got away with this for 10 years, over $100,000 was paid to her, and in all those years, he was never allowed one single unsupervised visitation.  We believe her entire family was in on the scam.  We also believe that the child calls mutliple men "daddy" and that this is how she makes her living.  We are attempting to sue her for fraud, but the fact is that the laws are not in our favor.  Even if we win, its unlikely we'll ever see a dime.

I have never posted on a message board like this, but the show's handling of paternity fraud disappoints me.  As a man and a father, I would have expected Dr. Phil to have shown more compassion to the men who have to get this kind of news.

As for me, being a woman and a mother, I am disappointed at how much attention is placed on the deadbeat dads, and how little is placed on those who are good men trying to do the right thing.  As a society, we make it almost impossible for them to do so.

If you read up on paternity fraud activist boards, that is exactly what they are proposing.  I didn't even know such sites existed until I went through it myself with my boyfriend.  His situation has so enraged me that I am supporting his fight to sue his ex for fraud ... even if it means standing in front of the Supreme Court myself to get the laws changed.

At first, I thought DNA testing at birth to be a bit preposterous, but then thought, why the heck not???  As mothers, we know exactly where our baby comes from, but in order to get dad's name on a birth certificate, which makes him legally responsible for the child, let's put a stop to paternity fraud by protecting dads and children at birth, long before they have to be put through the drama we witnessed on this show.

Babies already get so much testing at birth, anyway, and it takes the responsibility of asking off of fathers - what dad wants to say "by the way, is it mine?  no really, is it mine?"  and why should they?  Besides, in the case of mothers like the one on the show, she'd lie anyway.

Amen!!!

I am self-sufficient woman myself, and it is embarrassing to see how some women are capable of using and manipulating men - and worst of all, using their children to achieve their goals.

And it always happens to the BEST men - the ones who just want to do the right thing, thereby openeing themselves up to fraud.

How can those women lay their heads on their pillows at night?  They set us back 40 years, doing anything to get someone to take of them instead of taking care of themselves.

Your ability to analyze what other people should have done in their past after seeing the outcome of their future is BRILLIANT.

But until personally experiencing the painful effects of paternity fraud (via my boyfriend), I'm sure I could have told everyone what they should have done, too.

Sometimes its not that easy to see through to someone's motives, and you're left with trusting them to tell the truth.  They're not all exes, and they're not all bitter.

Hooray for you to have had the forethought to suggest that your son question his accuser, but my comment was directed at you specifically for calling Carnell "stupid" for not getting DNA testing --- do you have any idea how long ago his child was born?  Carnell started his organization in 2001, so I'm assuming he did that AFTER he was victimized by the fraud, which he discovered when his child was roughly 11 (I'm using rough recollection from the show)??  Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that is what I'm thinking.

DNA wasn't really an option for people until very recent years - so you may may want to stop and think before calling someone "stupid."  He was victimized - ALL men who are told this lie are victimized to some degree - and you and your son don't have a corner on the market just because you think you're so clever to ask for a test.

Far as I'm concerned, he didn't deserve to "get" anything - but if that's what you wish, your wish came true.  He has lost a child that he loved and raised - all because of an emotionally brutal lie told by the child's mother.

Is that good enough for you?  Or do you wish to inflict even more "karma" on the guy???

Anyone who thinks that paternity fraud does not affect every member of a family, often well into the extended family and step-family, is just plain naive and narrow-minded.

I'm "the girlfriend," and I was deeply affected by it.  I pushed, I pursued, and I supported.  Did we like the truth we got?  No.  But I'd rather live an unwelcome truth than a comfy lie any day.

I have a whole bunch of pity for any woman out there who maintains that they have a "place" in their husband's life --- put on your big girl panties, ladies, its 2007!!!

You speak about this as if you were in the park that day --- can you fill the rest of us in on the conversation?

I have to say, there are so many holy rollers on this board who are adamant about what they "would have done" or what the parties involved "should have done," and it makes me sick.  Frankly, I can't get my head around certain things - a close family member being killed, a terrorist attack on my town, losing my home to a catastrophic natural event - I can't get my head around it, nor can I begin to try.

About six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to get my head around paternity fraud, I still can't do it entirely (I'm a mother who has no doubt where her child comes from) - but I have seen and lived what it does to a family. 

So, all I'll say is this:  even with the event in the park taken at face value - PLEASE try to empathize with a man who had a knee-jerk reaction in response to having received the biggest, most devastating blow of his life, inflicted upon him AND his daughter by the child's mother.  He absolutely did indeed react on emotion - but could you really, truly do any better under the circumstances???  Do you believe yourself to be that perfect?  I can't say that I would, and refuse to tell someone else that they should.

I will also say that I would have given anything for us to have had an opportunity to explain this to the child involved in our lives.  We even asked the judge in our case for the opportunity, but once paternity is disproven, that child's father is nothing more to that child than any other weirdo on the street in the eyes of the law.  In our case, we have no idea what mommy-dearest has told her.

Understand that in many of these cases, where DNA excludes a father, he loses his visitation rights, but is still expected to keep paying.  I guess in that sense, we were lucky because we were not expected to continue payments -- but God help anyone who tries to tell us we don't MISS that child with all our hearts and would want her in our lives, DNA or not.  And whatever their faults and errors, I'm pretty confident that Enrique and Mia feel the same way.

OMG - LMAO!!!

I've been reading this "woman's" posts all along, and they have just been too ludicrous to warrant a response -- but this is priceless.

Hey Pat - grow some huevos!

I'd love to read the book, too, but don't want to pay for it.  Can you loan it to me when you're done?  :)