Messages By: glassladyva

99% of the time it is the parents, the other 1%, there is something genetic or other cause.

If you give in just to keep the child quiet, buy love and affection, reward bad behavior, over-spoil the child, neglect the child, abuse mentally, physically or emotionally they will respond negatively in some way, they are damaged and it shows itself in various forms. You will see their behavior get worse. They copy what they see.  If you choose to see something that you do or say as "normal" don't think it IS. I have seen so many 'abnormal' (and addictive) things parents do that their kids have mimicked and ended up becoming very mentally unstable themselves. Once you break their spirit and soul, it's usually gone for good.

You're right.  A lot of the time it is poor parenting.  HOWEVER, a lot of the kids that are like this are adopted and the damage was done by birth parents before we ever got them.  Our son was so neglected, he learned early on that grown ups could not be trusted.  This is so deeply instilled in him, we are still dealing with it 6 1/2 years later.  He is self injurious, but tells teachers his parents do these things to him.  On top of that, he is now beginning to assault US!  If you want to blame the parents,fine, but blame the right ones-the donors, not the ones that live through their hell.

I say a BIG NO to staying with a man who is a cheater.  I am watching my best friend go through hell.  She found out this summer that her husband of over 34 years has been cheating on her for years and years and years.  He used ALL his vacation time for the year to go and meet women he met online.   He is also a big time porn lover. 

For years I have ignored his remarks about a 3some.... now I actualy hate this man.  And the pain his wife and grown kids are going through breaks my heart.  He even had the nerve to tell my best friend that he never really loved her..... I see a women who had worked all her life for her husband and how broken he has made her.  I am always here for her and I tell her that all the time.  I listen and give her a shoulder to cry on and tell her she was the best wife ever, and she was.  He just lost the best thing in his life.  They are now getting a divorce and selling their home that they both worked soooo hard to have.  My B.F. has worked this one job for years and years and it is slowly taking everything out of her.  She hs worked and worked tons of overtime just to keep their head about water while he just continues to add more and more debt with his endless spending, all for himself.  He has opened more credit cards in his name and run them up too....now she is looking at going bankrupt...

To tell you the truth there isn't one man in the world worth giving up your heart too.  I have been married for almost 40 years to a very cold, unaffectionate man....who I have BEGGED for us 'both' to get help.  No he can't be bothered.  He only cares about the kids, and grandkids and spends his retirement in either front of a t.v. or a computer screen.  We retired to travel...and here we sit...day after day.  How sad! 

I would run the other way, if I knew then what I know now.  Life is hard enough....without these selfish men.

I am interested to hear from any husbands or wives out there who have given their spouse a second chance.  I want to know what the determining factor in believing there is hope and things can get better.  Is it blind faith?  Is it not feeling that there is another option?  Is it understanding the problem better?  It interests me because my wife gave me a second chance.  I don't know why.  I am thankful and will not screw it up, but I would like to know other peoples mentality in a similar situation.  I know that I had to forgive my wife for pain she caused me in the past before we gave our relationship another go.  I know that I pretended to forgive before I actually FORGAVE and moved on.  I know that looking in retrospect is the only way anything makes any sense through the whoel thing.  I know that there is absolutely no way I could have ever had this sort of insight while everything was happening.  I had to realize.  I want to know what makes other people realize.  For me it was just a realization that I had to take my happiness into my own hands.  I had to think to myself that the wors that could happen could never be any worse than what had already happened.  What does everybody think.  I am very young and there are many things in life I have yet to experience.  I feel I learn best from others who are open to sharing.  I have been married for a little over a year and have two wonderful children both of whom were conceived with my wife.  I am looking for some inspiration that there are great things that happen out of crappy circumstances.  Thank you ahead of time for any shared knowledge.  Sorry for the bad typing I am going on about 124 oz of coffee right now :-)

Respectfully,

Honest Man