Messages By: digcow2

Quote From: honeyco

I believe this to be a true statement. About when you caught on. That's when a bell went off in my head

Quote From: tiffany_2007

I don't think any step parent walks in and assumed they are going to be the new father or mother, but the children will view it this way. It sad when this happens, it would be nice if all couples were happy and stay together and all children could be raised in a normal home. Sadly that isn't the case but I do think children's feelings are forgotten most of the time.

 

I'm shocked this mother stays around, she has her own children to worry about and in my opinion she is keeping them in harms way buy letting them be around this young boy, cause you know he will come back into the home. These parents are going to wake up in 10 years and say, I wish i had put my children first. My mother says that now and its a very sad thing to watch. I learned from my parents mistakes, I'm in a happy marriage we have our first child, and we also don't believe in divorce, we have both agreed, many years ago that we will work through any problem. My husband also comes from a broken home and he hated both his step parents, his step father beat him, and his step mother would belittle him, they however have a very different relationship as of today, they get along now, but thats also cause I will not put up with disrespect of my husband. I yelled at his step mother about 6 years ago when she started to belittle him in front of me, she has never said a bad word about him, and they now get along. She even enjoys visiting with my son. But I will not put up with disrespect to me, my husband, and never my child. My son however does come first in my life, I even put my foot down with my husband when he gets a weird idea, if I think its unsafe its not happening. I wish more people would put there children at the top of there list, I think we would have better future generations. And I don't mean spoil the child but put the needs of the child first.

Quote From: kittyk54

She needs something to fill her time. She is totally dependent on her children, without their presense she loses all identity so she gloms onto them like gum on the bottom of a shoe. What little the girls said was obviously coached. Mom wants to control where they go, what they do, what they say and who they get along with and the same for her  ex and his life.  

 I'm a mom and I was a single mother for years so I'm not biased on the father's side. But I too would like to know why this woman isn't working/ Why when she only has her children 2 weeks out of the month does she not work, why is Dad paying any child support at all? I understand Dr Phil's point that this shouldn't be an issue. It is what it is. The mother made a point to sneak a comment in about it being the judge's decision but it isn't. All she has to do is agree to a reduction or elimination but she so obviously fights both.  That's a new one, a stay at home mom who dosn't even have her children at home anymore than 2 weeks every month to be at home with.

The father does have to stop letting bitterness about this sneak into his relationship with his girls but it's one more reason to dislike this mother. She makes us all look bad and I'm embarrassed to share a gender and status.

I dislike anyone who uses their children and she so clearly does so. She has no intention of taking Dr Phil's advice because she has still not accepted responsibilty for her roll in this mess and she is the instigator. Dad may not be perfect but this woman is a passive/aggressive manipulator and exceptionally controlling. Her daughters will one day hate her, it makes me so sad for the children. 

Quote From: j_quantz

 When my children were young (before school-age) I worked at home to earn more money for the family. I sold Avon products and Discovery Toys. I also babysat part-time and took in ironing for a woman who worked full-time. I was able to care for my children, help out women who worked, and earn money to help pay the bills. For me, the costs and expenses that I would incur for child-care, gas, car, clothes, meals, etc. if I worked outside the home would have eaten up my paycheck. It made no sense to me. I would have been working to afford to work. When my kids became school-age, I applied at our school district offices and worked part-time as a campus supervisor, office aide, teacher aide, lunch aide, etc. That way I could work during school hours, while my children were in school, and be home when they got home. I gained much experience and work contacts, as well as social contact. Through this network, I also got a job as an administative aide for a woman who worked for a non-profit adoption agency. She did her job at home, and I worked for her.  At one point I was working 4 part-time jobs. The income was good and beneficial to my family. It worked out very well.

Quote From: genesis1

First, I am very sorry for your adversity. I think we all have or will experience hard times in our life. That's how life works unless your born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Anyway, I'm sorry, and i hope you find hope and Light in your situation.
But I also have to say that this does not apply to this couple. Nor does it apply to the MAJORITY of those who are "crashing" now. You would have to be blind and ignorant to say that the majority of those losing houses and facing crisis just had a bad hand dealt, as opposed to being IRRESPONSIBLE and bad stewards of their money. So many people were hit with the greedy, gotta have it, bug. They leveraged their houses, took out loans they couldn't pay, took loans that they thought they could refinance on when the rates started increasing in order to get bigger and better. People went out and bought gas-guzzling and trendy Hummers, fancy first class boats, top of the line RV's, and every other toy they could get their hands on.
Don't you remember the ol' saying when this whole thing started..."He who dies with the most toys wins."
Guess what...ain't no one dying with these toys now because they're all getting taken away and repossessed!
Although I am sad for you and anyone who actually did meet unintended adversity, I am looking forward to the "humbling' of America. Even though it is going to cost me--since I am one of the responsible, bill paying, citizens....I am looking forward to people realizing what selfish, spoiled IDIOTS they've been and maybe giving the next generation a chance to learn from these mistakes. The entitlement issues in our "microwave" society today is sickening!

Quote From: ddnlj1

 I agree  with living within within your means. Something I've done all my life, even when it would piss off my ex-husband, who thought we should live better than we could afford. But there seems to be a growing idea that if someone has a financial problem, it's because they caused it.

People don't ALWAYS create their own mess. Sometimes the mess comes to them. Example 1: my fiance lost his GOOD job in 2001, right after 9/11. It was outsourced overseas. He spent 9 months looking for work, but at 51 years old no one would touch him. He ended up having to take a $10.00 warehouse job. He had two kids still in high school, he'd used up his savings, the house was going into foreclosure and he had to sell it. Thankfully, the market was still solid at the time and the house did sell. Unfortunately, he's had 4 jobs since then, and has never made more than $13.00 an hour.

My situation's a little different. In 1999, my then husband walked out and left me and our 13 year old son. He remarried 6 months later and other than court ordered child support, he completely abandoned us. I got a job, I had some savings, and we were doing OK. But it took an emotional toll on my son.

At the end of his senior year of high school he developed a drug problem. For nearly 3 years he struggled, me right along side him. His father refused any help - financial or emotional. My son was arrested 3 times, he wrecked cars, spent 6 months in jail, is still on probation, been to pscyhiatrists (no medical insurance), and rehab. I paid for it all. It wiped out my savings, and it put me in debt with credit cards that I have been unable to now pay.

But...the good news is my son is now drug free. He's been accepted into the electric union's apprenticeship program and he's starting to get on his feet. Had I not been there for him, God knows where he would be right now. I was his only parent, I was the only person standing by him and helping. It was worth the loss of every penny to have my son back. And yes, he feels bad about what he cost me, and maybe one day he'll be financially strong enough to help me...but it's a parent's job to NEVER abandon their children.

 

It would be nice if Dr. Phil would make it clear that there ARE people who are struggling because of circumstances beyond their control.  It makes me believe that he has never faced a truly devastating crisis in his own life, one that he didn't ask for, but it found him anyway. I know there are people who overspend, but trust me, I'm not one of them, and when I here all this talk about how everyone who is having financial difficulty is irresponsible, I want to scream. I've been responsible above and beyond the call of duty, and  I only did what I had to do to save my family. If that's overspending, please forgive me.

Quote From: paragon

Hi Dr. Phil Phans,

 

Todays show was nothing new for middle-lower income citizens.  I've been in the money crunch for many years.  Credit?  No,  we have been living without credit for a long time.  It can be done, but at first it isn't fun at all.

Nine years ago we were making $100,000.00 a year.  That's not much but we were able to take a nice  vacation each year, go out to eat once a week and make a car payment.   I bought clothes at the local mall, had my nails and toes done regularly and I had a pool and yard service.  HA!  Downsizing and a sluggish economy, we now are earning less than half that all the while costs have risen.  The car was repo'd.   I buy my clothes at Salvation Army and Goodwill and have gone to the Church Service centers for free clothes.  My house needs repairs I can't afford.  My car is 15 years old and my husbands is 16 years old and thank God he knows how to keep them running.  I mow the grass, do my own nails, we do not go on vacations, we are lucky to have basic cable and Internet.  I sell Avon, work a full time job teaching Special Ed. kids job skills,  and I'm about to get another job in a hardware store. The lights have been turned off at times.  I haven't been able to take my dog to the vet as needed, and can't afford to get the physical therapy on my knee or the shoe inserts I need to keep my knee from getting worse!  Hey..It really could be worse.  I still own my house, although I was in foreclosure for the last 2 years.  I bought a big 10 man tent, literally thinking I might need to camp in a friends yard.  I'm 53 years old, tired, and never in a million years thought I'd be living like this, with this uncertainty.

 

But, you know what?  It's going to be okay!  It's now a real kick to find brand new, name brand clothes at the thrift stores.  I bought a like new, beautiful sweater, 100% Cashmere, Made in Scotland, for $3.50.

No vacations?  Well, I live in Florida and I can be at the beach in 1-1/2 hours.  Have you ever spent the night on the beach sand under the stars?  Try it!  It's a blast and you see all kinds of fun things!  Spend time looking at the late afternoon sun through green leaves and take pictures of it.  Start drawing, even if it's with a stone on the driveway. Plant a vegetable garden.  Plant a butterfly garden and watch the larval caterpillar turn to the chrysalis and emerge as a butterfly. 

 

Going back to basics is a good thing.  Put up a clothes line and hang your sheets.  That wonderful smell will make you sleep worry free.  Release the ego and just be simple and real.  You can do it.  I did and I'm now a better person.

 

 

 

Quote From: rickw4821

This is coming from someone who is planning his death as we speak. Just throwing a phone number on the screen is your idea of helping someone? The main thing you did not cover was the fact that there is usually two or a very few things that suicidal people need to prevent their deed. One is to understand that there is an underlying or obvious depression already there and needs treatment. The other is either a one hundred foot black hole or a one hundred foot pilllow. This could refer to a job, love, etc or lack thereof. Those two are my black holes or pillows. It may be something else to someone else. I lost my job on May 16th and I have a health problem that has developed since. I already suffer from depression. So what is left? My unemployment will run out soon. My credit rating is over 800. I have isolated myself to start this process so that no one will notice.  What do I do? These so called experts never seem to have an "expert"

with them and that is someone who is sucidal.