Quote From: tattoopaws
For me, this started as something completely different. I believed I was bisexual and awhile after I met my husband, I brought this up in a conversation and he felt that I should explore this and was alright with this while I figured things out.
Well over a few years, I had a few casual girlfriends. My husband had reservations and felt pushed out, jealous, scared. All feelings that I could not understand as my heart was commited to him. When I now look back, I did not honour his feelings AND do what was right for our marriage. After a few years, my husband decided that since he had to share half of my heart, that he wanted a girlfriend too in order to fill in that half of my heart that he was not getting. I could not understand this. I still believed he was getting all of my heart. But, out of fear of losing him and him having an affair (the rule had always been that he would meet and know anyone I was involved with. He wanted his girlfriend completely to himself and did not feel my knowing her was important. Another warning sign of how hurt he was).
What happened was I agreed to a compromise. The same girlfriend for both of us. The sad thing here is; I had not sat back and taken the time to really question myself about some very strong feelings regarding my bisexuality. Sex with another female was extremely difficult for me. I enjoyed the relationship as two female friends would but when sex entered the picture, I would pretty much cower. Lo and behold. What I had been missing and not understanding about myself was that, I wasn't bisexual, I actually had a real need for a female friend. I did eventually find this out, but too late into the picture.
We found the young lady we now know by way of the internet. She is quite younger than us both and my husband is smitten with her. Actually he has professed his love for her and insists he loves me and her just not the same and never more than me. Wow, that's reassuring. It is now a year later and our marriage is a mess. My husband loves another woman as well as me apparently. My heart is broken and it feels like everyday the pieces lying on the ground are being stepped on. I have become close to this young lady, but the relationship that had a sexual content a year ago, stopped a few months into it. I could not get rid of the negative feelings about what I was doing. It didn't feel right for me, something was off. Well I was off, I now see myself more as a mother figure in her life and have been trying to deal with the fact that my husband loves her and wants her sexually and she has decided that sex with a male is not working for her. In fact, she wants me and is willing to accept the relationship of just friends, no sex between her and I and believes that friends between her and my husband can work with no sex. She couldn't be more wrong.
So, now I'm here today. I don't want to lose my husband and I will give up the friendship with the girlfriend. All I want is my husband back. All he wants is for the three of us to work out a relationship together and he blames me for it not working. I guess I am to blame. I started this and I'm finishing it on a note that he is now not in agreement with. I never intended to share my husbands heart and my mistake was not in seeing that he was hurting and having to share my heart. I insisted to him what he now insists to me. That I haven't given my heart away. Well now it has come full circle and is in my face. I know this discussion is about swingers, but reality check people. You cannot share your body with someone else and not give away a piece of yourself everytime that was meant for your marriage partner, your lover, your friend, your soulmate. You can think what you want, that your marriage is solid and sound. Well keep giving away pieces of that solid foundation and with time, it will crumble to the ground.
Now I am frantically trying to put the pieces back into the foundation but without my husband's help my marriage may end and this is a tragedy that I am deathly afraid to see happen. Dr. Phil said to the gentleman today that he was not honouring his wife by recognizing that she did not want to have anything to do with this lifestyle. He also pointed out that what he was wanting was a few minutes of enjoyment and was giving his wife a lifetime of hurt and by not recognizing that he was destroying her. This is where I am now. I now feel no longer desired by my husband. I don't feel like I am enough for him. All the questions that should have never entered this marriage, have.
If you truly love your partner and want to add a little more zing to your sex life, then go out and have it together, just you and him. You don't need more people in it to make it better. If you do, then that marriage is not as rock solid as you lead yourself to believe.
That said, I wonder how many of you out there swinging are not being open and honest with yourselves, never mind your partner. There is no way that you can not have fears or doubts. In a marriage it is a union of two to become one. Not a unit of two to add one, two or three more or how many more. My relationship aside, I have seen many marriages end for couples in this lifestyle. All lying to themselves. Believing they had excellent marriages, until they entered this world.
Thank you for reading this story. I now pray daily for guidance and strength to follow gods lead, not my lead anymore.
Counseling. Now. Look for a counselor who deals with people who are in or have been in the lifestyle. They are out there. Counselors without such experience could be very judgemental..
