Quote From: jules1965One thing I NEVER did was bad-mouth their father to them, near them or even at all! It serves NO PURPOSE except to harm your own credibility!
I always figured it this way. I laid down and made these children and obvious I didn't do that alone.
So there was some 'attraction' or something for that to happen.
Why would I EVER let what might be my own personal opinion, harm the relationship between my daughters and their father.
I raised my daughters to be SMART and to make their own decisions and have their own opinions.
I figured that sooner or later they would draw their OWN conclusions without ANY input from me.
When my ex was over 7K in child support arrears and wanted to visit.......he visited regardless of my bank account.
I took care of my children very well WITHOUT that money and those girls saw me work 3 jobs for many years to take care of them.
I wasn't going to let a few dollars stand between my daughters relationship with their father!!
Fast forward, I have 2 mid-twenty year old daughters who have formed their OWN OPINION about their father. It isn't positive but HE did that on his OWN and I did NOT have to get involved!
Thankfully me and the ex were FRIENDS first and friends third. We've always been able to talk to each other rationally.
I always thought that the MORE PEOPLE that LOVED a child the better off that child would be. Their relationship can be (and should be) a separate entity.
Thankfully I was able to do that for my daughters! They do appreciate the way they were raised as they have thanked me many times.
BTW, my ex hung himself with his behavior and now he has no contact with the kids. SAD FOR HIM!!
I try really hard to not bad mouth my son's dad. Sometimes it does slip out. However, my son is growing up and is realizing his dad's problems on his own. He knows his dad has anger problems and is a recovering drug addict. After all, he goes to the Kid allowed NA meetings. I have mixed feelings on that one. Maybe my son will learn from everyone elses's screwed up life to stay far away from drugs. He knows his dad only owns to his name...two messed up cars and nothing else. Here however, we have cars, own our home, he gets well feed daily. He doesnt alway know if he'll eat at his dad's so I always ask before I take him over if he has power and food. Sad isn't it.
But my son sees it for himself and I (unless I just simply lose it w/a panic attack) do not bad mouth his dad, because he is his dad and loves him anyway.
