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Messages By: shadycat1

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November 13, 2007, 6:39 pm CST

11/13 Will Fights

I had to agree with the Doctor, something didn't "smell right" with this situation, however the lawyer had a good point when he said "that sometimes people are grateful for the care " (not a direct quote I know, but along the same line I think), I was actually wondering why originally the youngest was getting the bulk of the inheritence.

My own story is along these lines though.

My MIL and FIL passed away a few years ago, my MIL passed three years before my FIL.  Neither had Wills because they had nothing they didn't see the need, WRONG< WRONG<WRONG, the fighting that went on among the six kids was horrid, and their poor father was in the middle of the whole thing, all of us in-laws chose to stay out of it all together, we went out for drinks.

When their father passed it started over again, again the in laws went elsewhere, not my siblings to deal with, sounds awful, maybe but it saved us and the kids alot of stress and infighting.

You know my husband only speaks to his sisters now the best thing was he and my parents healed their rift, I feel badly that his brothers are not in his life anymore.

My point is that these women are all they have once their Mother dies, Patricia, my heart goes out to trying to stay neutral (not an easy place to be), its a sad but true fact, death and funerals bring out the best in some the worst in others.

HMMM, maybe Leona Helmsy had the right idea.

 
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November 14, 2007, 6:37 pm CST

11/14 A Daughter in Danger?

Quote From: 8kobe8

Being 18 doesn't mean anything....As a parent, you need to discipline her and hold her against her will...Simple as that...

You can't be serious ?

How do you propose they hold her, lock her in a cage or chain her to the walls ?  How do you propose to discipline her ? Spank her (that would be good for an assault charge) Ground her maybe (see ya Mom and Dad), for better or for worse, good bad or indifferent she is an ADULT, legally able to decide her own destiny, and if they tried to hold her, she would end up HATING THEM, that simple, the discipline should've been at sixteen by taking away her computer privilages unless she could be supervised (however if she really wanted to, most librairies have internety access and the are internet cafes and such), her cell phone should've been restricted to certain numbers (however a kid can get a passport and on a plane without consent, could get a new phone no problem), see the problem with teens, yes I see the collective eyerolls and hear the collective groans, another old person who knows NOTHING, is the more you try to force them to do or NOT do something, the more they want to do it, they are able to LOVE and quite deeply at that.

I'm pretty sure if she went to Canada or Europe, it wouldn't be this big of a problem. If he were of Christian decent, no problem, but he is living in the Middle East and a Muslim, BIG PROBLEM, who wants their child going to a war zone ? NO ONE, not even the Mothers of soldiers, the cultural differences are big and I'm pretty sure she has been so blinded by LOVE that she hasn't thought through any of the implications of what this will mean when she does Marry and have children, .

I agree that she should come home, and if he loves her as much as he claims, then he will work harder at getting his Visa and coming to the country  legally and learning about her culture, but then she COULD be telling the truth and really be happy with her choice, see her eyerolling and her "Yes, Mom" sigh made me think she's in no real hurry to come home.

As for him being verbally abusive, that can happen in any culture any country, however she dosen't realize she will be trapped, the School of Hard Knocks is a helluva way to get an education.

 
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November 15, 2007, 4:50 am CST

11/14 A Daughter in Danger?

Quote From: candie7

I'm sure everyone has common sense enough to realize that the person who said "hold her against her will" didn't mean to lock her in a cage.  If you really think that.....then I don't know

 

I think what people are referring to is this easy breezy attitude toward the situation eg.  Driving her to the airport (or oferring to do so)  I mean, if she's such an adult, then she should find her own way to the airport and not be calling her mother everyday.  (I know they said the mother calls too, but Katherine calls a fair bit as well)

 

As I say again as well, if it was my child that went from Canada (where I'm from) to Europe with some random dude that I have never seen nor has she, it would be a problem.  Maybe for THIS family his being Muslim is a problem, but please don't assume that every other parent wouldn't care if it was anywhere but the Middle East.  There are still parents who care about their children after the age of 18.

Okay, so how else do they "Hold her against herwill " at the age of 18 ? Please tell me that, the poster I responded to clearly said "Hold her against her will " that under the criminal code is considered "Forcable Confinement" and comes with jail time, for the person Forcing her against her will.

My understanding was she decided to take a taxi to the airport, her mother and aunt came to wave good bye, now if they had of tried to grab her and FORCE her out of the airport, that could be considered KIDNAPPING, and Mom being in jail can't be there for her.  Why would she take a taxi, so she wouldn't have to listen to her Mom.

Look, I'm not saying that running off to a foreign country to meet some random guy is a good idea, it isn't, and to imply that I don't care (my daughter will be 18 in January), really isn't fair, but after then, all I can do is advise her, and it is up to her whether or not to heed my advice, but I will NOT put the pressure on her to obey, I want her to know I will be there if she falls, as for calling everyday well she hasn't broken off all communication with her family (which again would've been her right to do ), which is something for her Mom to hold onto.

There comes a time when we as parents have to let them fly, they will make mistakes (admittadly this one is a doozy ), they will do things we don't approve of or like, but to keep an open relationship with them, we have to learn ourselves when to let go.  Tell me, would you allow your Mother to "Hold you against your will " because you were about to make a mistake ?  Wouldn't you feel resentful ? Hateful ? Does your Mother have the RIGHT to hold you ? NOPE, why , because you are an adult.  I love and respect my parents, but since I was eighteen, I've been on my own.

Her Mother's pain is quite evident, "and but for the Grace of God go I", but her hands are tied, and the FBI cannot force her home this time.  That's not cynicism but the reality of it.

 
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November 16, 2007, 4:50 am CST

11/15 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2

Okay, I have really never seen so much generalizations in one place.  From the husbands I've seen on the Doc's show, would it be right for me to conclude that as a Canadian, American men should be avoided at all costs, because of what I've seen of them through the Media ?  Of course NOT, so why should Every person in the Middle East be painted with the same brush ? Is it fair that what is being portrayed about Americans in the Middle East, is making some of the more narrow minded thinking ill of you, NO.

9/11 was a tradgedy of EPIC PROPORTIONS, though I wasn't in New York, I volunteered to help out with the aftermath and the grief and pain of stranded Americans, this is something that will live in our hearts forever, as it should we should NEVER forget.  That said, if it was say Radical Christians that did the same thing, would there be the sudden checking of papers and citizenships ? Doubtful.

I'm not crazy about your president either, but that dosen't mean I'm out to kill Americans or go to your country to bomb you or commit acts of terroism, but who would sespect me ? I'm white, and of WASP decendancy, though I follow no religion, ummm, Muslims come in as many colors as Christians do.

And for those who say "lock her up", there are things that could've been done two years ago, but obviously weren't, hindsight always being 20/20, her mother is paying for it.  However, is Forcible Confinement legal in the States, I didn't think so, but then I don't know much about American Law so if you can enlighten me, please do.  You can hold her passport, and she can get another, the could've tried dragging her out of the airport by force, the police wouldv'e had a field day and you think the Media attention is bad now, and then people would've been screaming about her RIGHTS as an adult being trampled.  I think it can only be done if the person is declared incompetent, and LOVE (though I daresay in some cases it should be a reson to declare incompetence) is not a legal reason to have someone declared incompetent, stupid, incredibly selfish, immature yes, but  not legally incompetent.

I've always told my kids, it works both ways.  Even at 18 my house my rules, no drugs, no underage drinking, letting me know where you are at, run up the phone bill, you pay for it, you will either be working or in school or both.  However, I am no longer OBLIGATED to provide you with financial support, or a roof over your head, this is my CHOICE, that was made quite clear to the cocky almost 18 year old I have home now, she soon changed her tune.  But realistically I know if she was to do something as incredibly STUPID as run off to another country (yes, even the states ) to be with some man, that would be her choice, and though I wouldn't be happy (I'm big on my children being independant and becoming their own people through travel and education, BEFORE marriage), I would do like this Mother , EVERYTHING in my power not to isolate her, and to keep her willing to communicate with me.

For all of you that are painting Muslims all with the same brush, how many do you ACTUALLY KNOW ? Seriously KNOW ? This character, is a liar, that's clear and he's not a very good representative of the Muslim Community, hell he's not a good representative of  MEN in general.

There was no real balance in the show, good and bad in EVERY race, Religion, Country, none of us are immune, but this attitude of Muslim BAD, the rest of Us GOOD, will never bring anything resembling peace and stability to this world, and it will fuel the Anti- West sentiment among the radicals, and maybe cause some of the moderates to rethink their stand, just a thought and only one person's opinion.

 
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November 18, 2007, 5:48 pm CST

11/23 Mild vs. Wild

Being from the Barbie Era, I have to say one thing, Barbie at that time was a Doctor, Nurse, Vet, Pilot etc.  The Bratz dolls are what exactly ? Fashionista Divas ? Not really what I would want my daughter to aspire to, that said however, its up to the PARENTS, I've often wondered who controls the credit cards in most homes these days. If you do NOT want your daughter to have these dolls, here's a thought, say "NO" , but I belive most toys (God, those dolls are HIDEOUS, less realistic than Barbie ever was, really has anyone else wondered how one goes camping in mini skirts and heels ?) are harmless.

Clothes, the eternal struggle between parents and their teen and pre teen daughters.  May I ask why it matters if your child thinks you're "Old Fashioned " ? If the parents are uncomfortable with their 11 or 12 year old looking more like she belongs on a street corner than in middle school, then get comfortable with being the "bad guy", do they control the money ? I hope not.  They won't go out naked, and yes the grumble and growl, big deal, they will get over it.

As for the 19 year old, her choice to dress as she wishes, as long as she's paying for it.  I found that when they had to pay for their own, suddenly labels weren't that important.

Actually that's not a problem I've had, my kid's clothes were usually bought at Walmart or somewhere like that, the only "Designer "labels they've had were bought at thrift stores (you know after the neighbor's Fashionista wore it once, and couldn't possibly wear it again ) wouldn't  "Tommy" just DIEif he knew I could get a pair of his jeans for $5.00 (hehe).

I don't really blame the media either, I've always belived it starts at home with the word "NO", if you don't want your daughter to wear it, then tell them, and tell them WHY.

Has anyone else seen this, "Thongs" for the six year old crowd.  Is it just me that seems really WRONG to ?

What disappoints me is we are allowing ourselves to sexualize our children before they are even old enough to know what that means, and not necessarily intentionally, why do our daughters need to be exposed ?  Why does a 12 year old need to show clevage ? Or an 11 year old need to wear a micro mini ? And why are parents so weak they allow it ?  Prude, NOPE, I just don't see any need for little girls to dress like Lindsay or Bitteny, and I thought we were supposed to discourage that kind ogf imitation and peer pressure and give our kids the tools and strength to be able resist it.

 
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November 18, 2007, 5:50 pm CST

11/19 A Husband's Shocking Confessions

This has to be one of the angriest men I've ever seen on this show, and one of the scariest, scarier than Jeffrey even.
 
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November 19, 2007, 6:24 pm CST

11/23 Mild vs. Wild

Quote From: mruzza9

I don't get why the vast majority of women who get implants get them. I am a 32-C and I would LOVE, just love to have small breasts! I could understand if a woman just doesn't have ANYTHING on top, but I think if looks so feminine, delicate, and pretty to have small breasts. God knows that clothes look and fit better.

 

I really don't get why any parent would let their teenage daughter get breast implants.

 

Most of my bigger chested friends would love to have REDUCTIONS, I asked if they could donate to the needy (namely me hehe). 

Seriously I do have an easier time finding clothes, whether its a t-shirt or lingere (one of my closest friends needs her bras custom made and has back problems), and another friend said "it would be nice for men to look me in the eyes for a change ", neither one of them shows clevage or dresses like Pamela Anderson.

There are ways of dressing sexy, without being Skanky, and if you talk to most men, I mean really listen with an open mind, no clothes should NOT invite any unwanted sexual advances Let me make that CLEAR, however they DO JUDGE women on how they are dressed, the skanky women many will say "good for a roll in the hay and bragging rights, but not relationship material " Why, because men generally don't like other men thinking the same way about their spouse or partner, they aren't crazy about the other extreme either you know the "Mom" jeans and turtlenecks.  They do like SOMETHING left to the imagination.  Many of the men I know anyway, will say that Marilyn Munroe was sexy ( and she was considrered RISQUE) in her day, a Nun by our standards, and that Miss Spears, Lindsay etc are Skanky.

What's wrong with dressing like Cathrine Zeta-Jones ? No one can deny she's sexy or beautiful, and that's with keeping her clothes on.

I'm not trying to generalize, it was a fun conversation I had with a group of men get this 18- 35 fathers and sons, I guess maybe in our quest to be what men want, we went too far.

 
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November 20, 2007, 10:34 am CST

11/20 A Husband’s Shocking Confessions, Part 2

A phrase comes to mind here, "No victim, No crime", please allow me to explain.

Apparently there was no missing person's report for his supposed victim, now either he's lying or that poor woman was pathetically lonely.  Let's face it, Gary Ridegeway's victims had family looking for them, their pictures were posted, and most of them were prostitutes, the ones you would EXPECT to have no one looking for them, so a woman disappearing in a Suburban Park while jogging is sure to call attention.

No body, now I realize a person can be tried and convicted without a body, however its not really that easy to do, and really unless they scoured the trunk of his car for Blood evidence, how did he dispose of the body, seems to me on a jogging path, especially in a public park or something of the sort, it would make your choices pretty limited, at least that's the impression I got from the previews.  Could be wrong.

Could it be a fantasy of his to rape and kill ? That's a dangerous thought, but seriously is it his way of feeling big and important (whatever happened to lying about the Cadillac you don't have ?), helluva a way to do it, but look at this board, he is probably reading it, and his ego is swelling from the attention he is getting.

Like I said previously, Jeffrey will have to work DAMN hard to be scarier than this guy.

If indeed this is just a fantasy, its just a matter of time before he gets the compulsion to fulfill it.  Personally, I think he's lying, and yes people will lie about something that horrendous, but time will tell whether I'm right or wrong.

 
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November 21, 2007, 5:52 pm CST

11/23 Mild vs. Wild

Quote From: mimilynn

Whoa lady calm down!!! You seem to be going off on some tangent that I have no idea where you are coming from. Just because people dress trendy, sexy, reveling, play with bratz dolls, barbies, etc. doesn't mean they are going to have sex & get pregnant or they don't respect themselves or have morals. I would say you are extremely Superfiscial judging a book by its cover! I know alot of people that dress sexy that are very intelligent smart women.  There are alot of women who treat their bodies as temples that don't have the intelligence and respect that the sexy women do. Again as I would say it's people that don't have the looks or shape to dress in those kind of clothes that like to knock them!

There is sexy, and then there is skanky its in the eye of the beholder I guess.

I do agree that playing with Bratz dolls (still think they are HIDEOUS personally) or Barbie (if she were a real woman her proportions would prevent her from walking upright ).

But the previous poster had a point (though she did sound rather angry I agree ) we do NOT have to dress in clothes because they are "Trendy" and we really should be able to tell our pre teen and younger daughters NO if we do not agree with their choices.  Aren't we supposed to be teaching them NOT to give into peer pressure, and be able to walk with confidence in this world ?

You know, I am at thirty eight and after three kids, very PROUD of the fact that I am still young looking and quite petite, I eat right and excersise, basically take care of myself but it dosen't mean that I NEED to dress like EVERYONE else to feel good about myself, Jealous, Hardly, lets face the facts here,

When you are out at a club displaying all your assets, the guys are NOT looking at your INTELLIGENCE, and they don't really care actually they would prefer you only had ONE THOUGHT in your head, they won't care about your views on Politics, or society.

And to me that's a problem.

 

 
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November 21, 2007, 6:06 pm CST

11/21 A Husband's Shocking Confessions, Part 3

1) Why would a so-called FBI agent tell ANYONE to stay with a guy he thinks might have raped and MURDERED someone ?

2)Why would she Role Play (I have nothing against role playing ) a RAPE with a MAN who confessed to doing this to another ?

3)Did he witness or do something in the Gulf that might be manifesting itself in this way in his mind's attempt to make sense of it all ?

4)Is this an attempt on his part to control his wife ?

Now in my opinion, just mine, should she leave, oh hell yeah.  However if he pulls the "Mental Illness" card, which it seems the Doc and Dr. Lawless are going for, will that guilt her into staying with him (Mental illness in itself if managed properly shouldn't be an impedment to a fulfilling and happy life, again though if MANAGED under the care of professionals), she seemed to be caving under when that was pulled out.

So why would you expose your children to this ?  Sorry the children should be in some kind of protective custody UNTIL this is all sorted out, this man is dangerous, his flash rages are dangerous, she KNOWS this, get the kids out, if she chooses to stay well unfortunatly as an adult that is her choice, but amateur detectives tend to end up dead or beaten, why didn't that agent KNOW that ?

 

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