Messages By: shadycat1

 Family relationships seem to be the most dificult of all.
Some have the idea that because you share DNA, you are either supposed to give the crap or take it (and I'm talking about crap you wouldn't take from an aquaintance or stranger).
But just because you are related is no guarentee that you will LIKE each other, it happens, I don't think my own sister and I learned to LIKE each other until we both left home.
I think MOST of us would love to have a close bond with our families, but sometimes its just not possible, and in those cases you have to take care of your own physical and emotional well being, if it means cutting ties (either temporarily or permenantly )its sad, and you will grieve the loss, but it may give you the freedom you need to get on with your own life.

 This is sooooo scary, I'm glad my kids are older, but then that dosen't always protect them either.
My kids go to a PUBLIC SCHOOL that has VERY strict policies on who picks up a child, WRITTEN PARENTAL CONSENT (for anyone other than yourself or spouse if Applicable) and PHOTO ID.
I remember as a VOLUNTEER with Girl Guides (Girl Scouts ), I asked PARENTS "Is there ANYONE your child is NOT allowed to go with ? ", and I've had to enforce that a couple of times to protect the child, this is kept confidential.
My heart goes out to her Mother.

 Is anyone else sooooo tired of the Naive Little Girl thing, especially when this girl is pretty ? Sheesh.
She KNEW what she was doing, she AGREED to it.

 Wait a minute,
She participated WILLINGLY in armed robbery, but I suppose being Blond  All American etc. makes her the innocent victim, he took advantage of her Naivity, oh PUHLEES, NO ONE is that Naive to know that ARMED ROBBERY IS WRONG.
And do NOT pull the Battered Woman's Syndrome on me either, though I belive it DOES exist, I'm Canadian, and I remember well one woman who HELPED RAPE and KILL THREE teens, it was all on tape, but he made her.

 hmmm, this was an interesting show. For me it was more about what was "Unsaid ".
First off it seemed strange to me that the Doc wasn't defending the Mom, hmmm, that tells me (keeping in mind its just ONE opinion ) there's more to Mom than meets the eye.
Grandma is obviously the family spokesperson, and sorry, but I don't belive for one moment she isn't saying anything negative to her grandchildren, her daughter needs to learn to speak for herself.  Grandma could actually do more harm than good to her daughter's case.  Seemed to me that her daughter was more scared of confronting her than her Husband.
Okay, but he has obvious issues as well, like most people, I was taken aback by the Panties comment, if you think about it, how many fathers actually LOOK at their daughter's panties ? Unless he does the laundry or something, a tight bathing suit is something you notice, a child wearing "Granny Panties " is something you have to look for.
I need to watch again, I wasn't really clear about the gun issue, I mean he could very well have them locked up or in some type of locked display cabinet, I don't know him obviously, so it comes down to he sai/she said, and really, there's no love for him there, so of course they aren't going to say anything that might make him seem like a loving caring parent.

 I have to agree, Pathetic really, if you don't like someone (and it happens ) you don't have to speak to them, or about them.

I didn't see the show, but one thing in the Blurb got me, "Trying to win the teens' love " I am a mother of teens, I have work in the school system with teens and I was a teen, and I've learned a few things along the way, just sharing, I'm not the perfect parent, hell far from it, and yet I have two that have graduated high school (my eldest is 22) my youngest at sixteen scares me (I see too much of myself in him, lets just say I was less than a stellar teen, and I have WONDERFUL parents who did their best with me at the time ).
1)Teens don't NEED you as their friends, they have friends, they NEED you to be their guide, their safe place to fall, and the one who will do their best to protect them from themselves.
2)Teens don't NEED you to judge them, but to LISTEN and HEAR them with an open mind and heart, whether you agree with them or not.
3)Teens will say ANYTHING to get your attention if they feel they aren't getting it.
4)Despite what they think Teens NEED you to discipline them, they sometimes NEED a kick in the rear (PROVERBIAL, before anyone jumps on this ).
5)Teens NEED freedom to become their own person, to develope their talents and interests under wtchful eyes, it won't kill anyone to sit in the drizzle for a soccer game, or in a hockey rink.
6)As a PARENT it is YOUR responsibility to get to KNOW your teen's friends, even the ones with green hair and piercings.
7)Teens NEED to know if they are in a situation (think party ) that they can call you to pick them up (yardwork is great for hangovers ), and you will be there without judgement.
8)Sometimes your Teen WANTS you to say "NO " that way they can blame YOU for not being able to go somewhere they won't be comfortable.
9)YUP, your teen is going to HATE you from time to time, that's life, but you can't let them see you sweat, they thrive on it, amazingly when they need money or a drive, they get over themselves.
10) Teens will do stupid things, its the nature of the beast, its how the parents approach it and the PRIORITY, Drinking and Driving, ohhh man NOT ACCEPTABLE at all, green hair oh well, DRUGS again NOT ACCEPTABLE, baggy jeans (well no butts please ) will go out of style.
Some teens do go out of control, I did, I survived and now have a GREAT relationshi[p with my parents and my own kids, I was homeless, on drugs, drank too much, was any of this acceptable, no way, but a funny thing happened, I grew up, some never do.
Parents really have to be PARENTS from the time their child is BORN, the good times the bad times and the ugly times.

Job loss, medical issues, foreclosure, wow, that's enough to test even the strongest marriages, I would think some withdrawl is normal, especially with worry and the depression that comes with it, and the snapping and arguing can also be caused by this, I'm not a therapist or counsellar, but stress can wreak havoc on any relationship, and maybe they just need help finding ways to vent without taking it out on each other.
Kidney Transplant, that's a tough one, and god willing I'll never be in that situation. On the one hand its your sibling, and you could save their life, then you have your own health and well being to consider, its not like if your remaining kidney failed you can ask for it back, and there was no mention if the potential donor has a wife and children to consider (recovery time from work, potential side effects, potential health risks etc. ) I don't think this man should be condemned for THINKING long and hard about this, actually it is something that should be THOUGHT about and facts should be placed on the table.
She wants kids, he dosen't, well my stand on that, if you don't want children then don't have them, too many children now are brought up by parents who didn't really want them, and to say well he MIGHT change his mind, so if they have kids and he finds it to be too much, does he get a free pass to say "Well I tried it, didn't like it, so I'm outta here. " NOPE, and so a child grows up being resented by its father, how fair is that to the child ? This is NOT a decision like what color car to buy, this is another life you are RESPONSIBLE for, and if you don't want that responsibility, then make it crystal clear and do what you have to to prevent it.

Guess it was my own frustration with this show, I'm just not seeing the "Best Interest's " of the child being taken into account here.
First off, if you are old enough to vote, drink, drive etc. why aren't you old enough to KNOW not to SIGN ANYTHING until you READ IT? Why take your parents' word for it, read it YOURSELF. Maybe it was Naivety on her part, but then to keep 3000 MILES between you and your CHILD, sorry, don't get it, guess its just me, but I can honestly say (been there done that, custody battle between myself and my parents ) I would NEVER keep that far away from my child, and I would NEVER agree with allowing my parents to be Mom and Dad, long story short, I am 39 with a 22 year old son (twenty three this month ), my son lives a half hour drive away and KNOWS I am his MOTHER, and I love him as much as his Sister and Brother. Yes, my parents won custody of him, yes I made mistakes, but he knows the truth.
But then, my daughter came along when I was 19, I was a different person, and my  eldest son was happy and thriving, STILL, he was close enough that he was at my home more than with my parents, visitation was NEVER a problem for us. He was better off with my parents.
Call me what you will, I know us women are hard on each other when it comes to parenthood, for some stupid reason we like to see each other fall short of 'Perfection " in the Motherhood department, but at sixteen, I was in no position to raise him, he knows that, understands that, and he KNOWS the TRUTH.
Thats just my humble opinion