Messages By: shadycat1

Just a couple of questions,

1) Where did these so-called "Adults "learn that it was alright to take advantage of others, and to hold threats like not seeing their grandchildren over their heads ?

2)When exactly do we stop "Parenting" our children and allow them to fly on their own,or FORCE them to whichever the case may be ? We will always be their parents, that's true, but shouldn't there come a time where we can develope an adult friendship with our kids.

3)and what happens to these "Adults" if Heaven Forbid, Mom or Dad pass away ? It happens to all of us at some point, and now Jounior has to stand on his own, how much sympathy will the "real world " have for them ?

Why do these people do this, simply because they can they KNOW that Mom and Dad won't refuse them.

I would suggest a contract, stating the rules like a time limit on getting a JOB, SAVINGS and MOVING OUT, and STICK TO IT, stuff happens, and it is nice to have a place to go if you NEED it, but how do those of us who do NOT have the cushion SURVIVE ?

Pat of being an "Adult" is looking after YOURSELF and your OWN FAMILY, not depending on others to do it for you, most of us realize the world owes us NOTHING.

You know I hate to sound harsh, but do NOTHING, he's I assume over 19 now, he is an adult, and as an adult, he is free to make his own choices, good or bad, some will only learn the hard way.

Now its time for YOU to let go, and realize these are his choices to make.  Seriously, NO ONE wants to see their children suffer, but we do them no favors by bailing them out all the time.

But there is a bright side, he's still quite young, and he has plenty of time to turn this around for HIMSELF, if he CHOOSES.

Son or NOT he has NO RIGHT to verbally abuse you, or FINANCIALLY ABUSE you, and you DO NOT have to take it from him.

His life is his to live now, as Moms we will see our kids do things that make us CRINGE (I'm sure my Mother has a tongue piercing now from biting it so much ), but that's just it, mom is there to vent on or talk to, but she isn't our "PARENT".

Good luck to you though, find your own life, hobby, part time job, whatever find support, he will probably come around if he is FORCED to stand on his own.

I've often thought, if you wouldn't say it to a person, then you shouldn't say it about them.

People gossip, I doubt there is any one person on this board who hasn't, I would say most if not all of us have been the victim of gossip at one time or another, whether at school, work or just in the town.  Most gossip is MEANT to be hurtful (the one with the website saying there were POSITIVES on it, should go back to school and learn to READ a little better), its easy to hide behind a screen name and slam someone. 

The first girl's parent should be angry, and the girl should be as well, but I agree with one poster who asked why did no one in authority EVER see this picture ? Not calling her a liar, I'm NOT, but that made me wonder as well.

As for the other two, it goes back to one of last weeks shows, the INTERNET IS PUBLIC, meaning ANYTHING can be seen, if you wouldn't put it in the papers, or on a billboard, then keep it off facebook and myspace, its THAT SIMPLE, hopefully ll PROVE to people once and for all that these are PUBLIC FORUMS and you can be held ACCOUNTABLE for anything you type, also this MIGHT (hope springs eternal) convince parents that maybe the computer NEEDS to be monitored, you want P RIVACY, move out and pay your own bills. Yes, teens should be given privacy to a point, knocking on their door, NOT reading their mail (UNLESS you have REAL suspisions) or listening on phone calls (again UNLESS you have REAL concerns) betray my trust, the bedroom door stays open from now on, the mail will be intercepted, the mouse and Keyboard, hell the WHOLE computer can disappear rather quickly etc. Personally I have no problem with looking over their shoulders while they are on MSN, and if I can't see it, it probablysholdn't be there.

Should the perents be sued, personally I think the girls did the time, and they did seem remorseful, and they learned a lesson, however maybe it would make parents stop seeing the computer as a babysitter, and maybe monitor their kids activities a bit closer, so I have two minds about it.

I'm going to play Devils Advocate here, but I think what people are saying (could be wrong ), is there does come a time when the kids will FIND OUT, then how do you explain it, not the intimate details. I agree with you,a kid should NEVER be DRAGGED into these conversations, agreed this is more about dysfunction then the swingers lifestyle I think.

Many of the people here would probably be SHOCKED right out of the pulpit if they KNEW just who was doing it, its not like people go around pushing it on others (though some will, but that can be said about any group of people who are convinced they are right), most times you wouldn't KNOW, and you know what, NO ONE has the RIGHT to poke their noses into the nation's bedrooms.  As far as being pedophiles or being into beastiality etc.  anyone who says that, probably thinks the same about any group (homosexuals would be an example) that dosen't share their sense of "Morality" or "Normalcy", as for being "Freaks", Swingers are our Teachers, Doctors, lawyers, Houswives and dare I say Ministers, they don't have it tattooed to their foreheads, and from what I've seen, they seek out like minded couples.

It's NOT for me, but that dosent give me the RIGHT to condemn someone for it, but I DO THINK that BOTH partners have to be "ON BOARD" with the idea, if not the marriage will not survive, we aren't talking about leaving the toilet seat up, this is a lifestyle that should NEVER be FORCED onto someone, and if it's  something you are uncomfortable with or it disgusts you, then you should not allow yourself to be coerced or THREATENED into it

Personally, I thought both of these guests were looking to keep out of jail, I've often wondered how people could get away with this stuff for so long, my first time even TRYING I'd be caught I'm sure of that, or I'd lose so much sleep I'd turn myself in, and yet these two can do it without remorse for YEARS, not lose sleep over and JUSTIFY what they've done.  These two weren't stealing to feed their families, they did it for the THRILL, so what went wrong ?

Casey by all accounts is very intelligent, with his gift for languages, he could've been an abassador or Diplomat, and instead he turns to crime, its such a waste, he's pitiful.  Now does he deserve to be held accountable, OH YEAH, no matter what he was before, he is now nothing but a COMMON THEIF, though I did learn something valuble from him, from now on, there will be NOTHING around my home that ANYONE will be able to steal personal info from.

Maybe Miki will get an eighty year old judge that will fall for the dumb blond, "I'm to pretty for jail" act of hers.

Sadly she has an overblown sense of her looks, I do hope the one service she did though was to show elderly men that when a pretty, young thing starts hanging off you, RUN AWAY and keep your finances intact.  The only thing she was sorry for was she was caught, and now she has humiliated her children, and taken away their stability and sense of security, and the older ones are old enough to question whether or not her LOVE for them was just a CON GAME.  Too good for running a cash register or flipping burgers, there are many people smarter and better looking than her doing JUST THAT for various reasons, and besides, many stores and fast food places are now getting fussier, and NONE of them want to be the repositories for CRIMINALS who made a CHOICE to be so.  Shut up and do your time, the world owes you NOTHING, you want a man who will look after you, get a Sugar Daddy.

Hehe, I think most kids figure we found them under a rock someplace, or at least that's what they WANT to think.

I have to agree with others here who have said that with swinging it takes the dishonesty, and mistrust out of having sex with others, so I don't really see it as cheating , and you are right NO means NO, no matter who initiates the coversation.

My husband and I actually talked about this subject, and we both agreed it wasn't for us.  I was brought about by friends of ours who are swingers, and for the record we still hang out with this couple, who asked us what we thought, personally I don't care what goes on between CONSENTING ADULTS in their bedrooms, and I'm not really sure why it concerns anyone else, there are more important issues in society that could use our attention.

I said it in my post, these families are dysfunctional, anyone who brings a 17 year old into the details of his sex life, or sexual fantasies well has something lose I think.

My husband and I discussed it, but neither one of us has any interest in pursuing it, but that's our opinion, and no it isn't the main topic of conversation between myself or swiging friends, hell I don't ask single friends " So who are you sleeping with this week ", so why would I ask the swingers ?

Actually, a couple of years ago, my husband wanted to go to a nudist beach, I wasn't sure about it, but suits were optional so I said fine.  He figured I suppose it would be the Actress Supermodel types, was his face RED when the first thing we seen was an elderly man jogging on the beach, everything hanging out, I LMAO'ed so hard.  At these places you see scars, wrinkles etc.  Would I have taked my then 16 year old and 14 year old, probably not, but we were honest about where we were going ( you can IMAGINE the reaction ), but then we are talking about THEIR comfort level, maybe one day they'll want to go, or not. I may not have been so explicit if they were only 5 and 7.

But then when it comes to things like sex and relationships, I've seen all kinds and what it comes down to is what works for the INDIVIDUALS involved, I have been often condemned for living Common Law for the last 19 years, funny we've been together longer than my friends who did the whole Ceremony, we've raised two bright well adjusted kids, and we are quite confident in the stability of our relationship.  Tradition has its place, but humans have always found ways to buck traditions and to find different ways to live and love one another.

Hector has something many abusive men don't, he has the ability to see what he is doing and has done as wrong, and he wants to change it, and I will give him credit for that.  I would tell him though, cut your losses, if she dosen't want to stay, then in that 90 days, find a way the two of you can co-parent your children effectivly, and work on yourself to become a better man BEFORE you embark on any other type of relationship, I belive there is good in him.

Nicole NEEDS to be alone for a while and find out who SHE is.  The Doc was right, if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you, and you know the same could be said of her.  Any relationship based on a lie cannot survive, tell me where would she be if this other man said "WHOA LADY, you're a fun romp, but I have no intention of divorcing my wife and playing house with you, and your kids. " Sounds harsh, sure it does but reality is rarely nicey, nice in thses situations.

The other couple was one of those situations of geting married for all the WRONG reasons, maybe at first his intentions were good, the road to heaven is PAVED with good intentions, but then reality (it can be such an ugly thing) set in and he realized he wasn't ready for this, I wonder if he was tricked ?  I mean he could've used protection too, its no excuse, but we all KNOW of women who have said "Oh, I'm on the pill", and a few months later, guess what.  I wonder how much truth there was to her offering to pay him ?

If one partner wants out, then let them go, personally I'd rather be alone than with someone who dosen't want to be here with me.  Cheating isn't the answer, control isn't the answer, but once you let go, don't let them BACK until YOU have worked on YOURSELF and can stand on your own.