Messages By: tracy1242

How does one know if it is an eating disorder?  Can someone be doing unhealthy things like barely eating, exercising a lot, and vomiting and it not actually be a disease? When does it become a disorder?  I thought it was only a disorder if you cannot control it, but perhaps everyone thinks they can control it.

I think Dr. Phil.com would have warning signs?  Maybe I didn't see them.

I was accused of having an eating disorder by two doctors, but I told them "NO, you are wrong".  In retrospect they may have been right.  I did have an unrealistic weight loss goal which was well under 100 lbs.  I remember getting down to at least 96 and perhaps I did get to 89 but it's been 20 years.  I continued the habits from age 16 to 26.  This was how I managed my weight.  There were sometimes where I couldn't help but vomit, but eventually I'd get control of that again and could do it only when I wanted to.  I sometimes just needed to because my stomach hurt or I felt guilty about eating something fattening. 

I finally stopped all of it when I was pregnant with my first child.  I lost 20 lbs in the first tri-mester when I would have given anything to stop throwing up.  By that point I had esophogial erosions which I felt were caused at least partially by all the throwing up over the years.  My doctor put me on steroids for pre-term labor and that totally changed my eating habits.  I also gained 96 lbs in that  pregnancy (lost the right way later). 

During those ten years I had numerous health problems, especially when things were at their worst, in high school.  At one point I was told I had Lupus, but then I really didn't, but my body was acting like it so they called it stress induced or drug induced.  I was taking numerous meds for many ailments which were probably from the things I was doing.  One time I fainted and woke up in my own vomit that was coming up on its own from the muffin top I had with a few sips of soda (commonly known as breakfast in those days).

I used to think people who did all that and got so thin were crazy or doing it for attention.  But I didn't think I was one of them because in my mind I could stop anytime I wanted. 

Oh well, now days it is different.  20 years changes a lot of things.  Now I actually do need to lose 20 lbs to get to a healthy weight for me.  Ironic.

So, how does a person know when they are in the danger zone?  Don't you know so many teens probably flirt with these behaviors to lose a little weight.

Maybe you could talk to her yourself, if the mom is super touchy. I wouldn't bring up the weight stuff right away though.  Maybe she needs help with some other issues that got her there in the first place.  I know every girl wants to be skinny, but it seems to be a thing of control too with the disorder.  "I cannot control the world around me, but I can control this."

From my own personal experience, I don't know if I would have changed the behavior had I confided in an adult right away about that and other things.  It simply didn't happen. I had opportunity with doctors.  I had opportunity at church.  I just felt these people would turn to my parents and then it would be a nightmare.  I didn't feel like I'd get a lot of support from my parents just a lot of "why, why, why?"  So, I never talked to anyone. 

Man, how I could have used some wisdom when I was young.  But then as kids we ignore wisdom.  It would have felt good to talk to someone and go home knowing that I would be okay.  As a kid I was so confused.  I made some bad decisions which lead to pain in my life.  I just needed to talk to someone who had been there and know how they got through.

I think it is good that Dr. Phil did  show like this so kids can see it isn't all that pretty and that it can be deadly

I watched my brother make the same mistake in the begining of his marriage and it only continued throughout his marriage with a woman who alienated him from family and friends.   Now all the evil that I saw in my sister-in-law has had time to grow and get even more evil and she has turned it all on him and his life is totally ruinned and so are the lives of his kids.

Jay, you are being emasculated.  Just remember the idea you are reinforcing in the mind of your young bride.  The idea that she can be upset with anyone and unwilling to forgive and you have to pay the price for that.  You are also basically showing how much you value your relationship with family (not at all) and how little you appreciate the sacrifices made by your family for you.  You are wrong, Jay.

Jay, the Bible says if you ignore the wisdom of your parents you will destroy your life.  Your mom tried to give you wisdom, you punished her for it and you are ruinning your life, not hers.  I guess all those family members are wrong and only the little bride is right?  Hahahahaha...that's what my brohter thought.  Whose mopping up my brother's messy life now?  His family, the one he turned his back on to please his controlling wife.

This is just a rerun of my brother's screwed up life with different characters.

I bet that your little blonde bride sits on the bed and cries until you do whatever it is she wants to keep her pretty little self happy.  I bet you jump through hoop after hoop to keep her happy.  You will go in debt, lower your standards and turn your back on friends and family for her.   I bet she will bite you back so hard with more venom than you've seen yet in your future.  Mark my words it will happen.  I see my sister-in-law in her all over.  She's evil and you are doomed!  You better hope you don't plant seed with her or you are so doomed.

I think this girl's mom is not helpful either.  Why does she want to stir the pot and say things like it is just a manipulation.  Jane really held her tongue on this show and even her mannerisms were different.  She knows what she can control and what she cannot.  She is trying.  Her new daughter-in-laws unbending fury at her is just proof of poor character and her mother should be ashamed of her and not pointing the finger at Jane.

Where is Jay's dad?  Where is bridezilla's dad?  I can't believe they didn't let her go to the wedding.  Well, now they can be sure she won't support the union b/c she isn't technically part of the covenant! 

Dr. Phil didn't work his magic on this show in part one or part two.  Why does Jane have to be the only one doing work here?  I feel like because Jane is the loudest she got all the blame.  I don't even know what she did to make them want to disassociate with her in the first place.  Good grief, when did the name calling begin?  Why?  Was it because Jane was trying to impart her wisdom to them and the new bride didn't want her input so she cut her out?  That's what it sounds like.  Boundaries usually get drawn over time when a couple starts out there was no reason to be so drastic.  This whole family, the girl, and her mother as well as Jay and some of Jane's family are a bunch of over reactors.  Although, I do agree with Jane's family.  I'd be reactive too if someone was keeping me from the son I raised.  How would that bride's mom like it if the shoe was on the other foot.  I bet she'd be promoting forgiveness then instead of saying "it looks like manipulation to me". 

I am sorry but it would be very hard for anyone to have the amount of self-control that even Jane has shown in this situation.  I too would have probably blown my top.

Jay is not going to be happy with this woman.  It is too bad he can't see that now like so many can see.  If she truly loved Jay she wouldn't do this to him and put a rift in the family. 

I really loved it when Jay said they could start with "one phone call a month".  That was a priceless little gem and a jagged little pill for Jane I am sure.  She showed great restraint just after that comment.  I hope that Jane sees how slow this process is going to be given what her own son says to her.  I hope Jane will get the counseling she needs to get through this disappointment with her son, the rejection she is getting from him and the coldness from his wife who is blocking their relationship like a NFC linebacker.  It is really sad.  I hope Jane finds joy in other areas of her life because as long as this little number is part of the family she is going to suck the joy out of it.  Trust me, we had our own version of this drama and we weren't going to go to the wedding either, but I think our bride wanted the gifts too badly.

I think the main person with a problem  here is Jay.  He married a person of poor character who seeks to hurt those who she disagrees with.  A mature person can disagree without having to hurt others and can still maintain contact with them.  Clearly, this girl has not grown up.  My God, did I hear she has a child already on the first show.  That just proves you don't have to have any qualifications to be a parent.  Apparently, Jay has very low standards for a wife too.

It's very sad.  I was very sad after the first show because it was a reminder of how the problems with my brother started.  My brother made a lot of wrong choices that all started with the woman he married. 

Mother-in-laws by nature start out as boundary bashers.  Some don't but most do.  There is nothing that anyone could have done unless they were being dangerous to deserve being treated as Jane is being treated by Michelle and Jay and also Michelle's mom.  I see no Champion here and Jay really ought to be it.

I've been married for 14 years.  When my hubby was going to propose he told his mom and she didn't think he should at that time.  It doesn't matter why (it was a good reason and not against me).  I took it personally and didn't have much nice to say about it when I heard that news later.  I still invited her to the wedding, she planned and paid for the rehearsal, she came to all my showers.  I never didn't invite her to anything. 

There  have been so many times throughout our marriage that my MIL has in one way or another offended me, usually it is because she is so easily offended herself.  But I still bite my tongue.  I don't have to see her everyday.  She loves my husband,  she loves our kids.  I think she even loves me but it isn't as easy to feel that love all the time. 

Through it all, I am glad I did not hurt that relationship and allowed my MIL to stay in our lives.  She is not perfect and although I might have done better in the MIL department if I hand-picked one from Heaven, she has blessed our lives by being there when we had to take babies to the hospital, when a baby was born, and sharing her wisdom along the way. 

When we were married just 6 years I had cancer.  I was never close to my MIL, she was a boundary basher and my husband was her first son to marry.  So, it was rocky for both of us.  She was with me for every doctor appointment.  She took me for lunch after every appointment, she did my laundry, she cleaned my house, she did so much.  She took me to my chemo appointments and for bloodwork, even when my husband could not.  So, am I glad I didn't alienate her? You bet.  She has been one of the biggest blessings even if we don't exactly agree or get along all the time.  Sometimes I wonder if I even like her because of the way she can act,  but I cannot forget what compassion is in her.  I got to see her very best side when I was at my worst and that is why I am so thankful my husband and I realized our marriage could stand up to this test and we embraced his family instead of isolating them.

If you are of the view that you just don't have to put up with anyone that doesn't make you completely happy stop being so selfish.  That kind of thinking will leave you with nobody because everyone will tick you off somewhere along the way.

What?  Maybe is someone named Michelle would have shown a little grace and maturity then the mom woouldn't have felt desparate.  It only took one person to change the outcome. Sadly, Jay  has been too emasculated to do it.

Dr. Phil did not do a good job on this show.  Maybe it is because some of the participants are not workable? Michelle and Jay!

Although I believe in forgiveness, considering who we are talking about it would be really funny. 

On a more serious note.  Jane, don't leave money to your son.  Leave it to your grandkids who you are not going to know because of sweet Michelle.  That selfish little wench will use your money to make her own self happy.  State in your will to leave your estate to grandchildren after they are 18.  That will be giving your son and grandkids a gift and make sure Michelle isn't partying over your grave. 

You know it is out of your control when you have to plan to reach back from the grave.  I'd leave Jay a video taped message that would rip his heart out completely.  Jay is a big idiot. 

This Michelle person could be a whole season of Dr. P.  She has a lot of issues.  I saw fear in her eyes when her husband spoke and when her MIL didn't over-react to the statements made.  Dr. Phil is not picking up on what a nut job, control-freak unhealthy controlling wench Michelle is.  A lot of us see it in the viewing audience though. 

Is Dr. Phil snowed by her appearance too.  Is he not talking tough with her because she is cute and looks delicate?  I've seen Dr. P come down on pretty girls before.  I think Dr. P is being manipulated by Michelle.  By the end of the show he said a few things about her not being gracious, but that was really not alot.  Besides when Dr. P says things about the mom may die I am sure Michelle is wishing for that to happen soon.

Also, my parents taught me and I teach my kids that to roll your eyes is rude.  It also makes an otherwise pretty Michelle look like Mrs. Piggy. 

Ouch!! I never thought of this.  But Jay has clearly shown he can be very cold and unforgiving also easily manipulated.  Did Jay go from controlling mother to controlling wife?    Michelle, I hope his seed is not planted in you already or you are doomed! 

I saw the pretty pictures of Michelle in her dress.  It looked like they had a nice wedding, really upscale! But any woman who would not allow the mother of the groom to participate in the wedding is low class.

They should have resolved this before the wedding and that should have been higher on Michelles priority list than the dress itself!  Why do they have to fight?  Why can't Michelle just say, "Let's get along".  Why are we still talking about what Jane said in anger.  People say things they don't mean in anger, let's get to the real issue.  Why does Michelle want to keep them apart?  She clearly is not interested in forgiveness.  It is not like Jane wants to move in with them? 

I'm all for boundaries, but you don't have to go gustapo on your mom and MIL.  You can have boundaries without being offensive. I just wonder how Michelle treats her own mother.  Doesn't her own mother irritate her from time to time.  Has Michelle's mother liked every guy Michelle dated or had a baby with?  How did that sit with Michelle, did she cut her out of her life?

Why destroy the roses, Michelle?  What is wrong with getting your husand's mail, roses or a card from your mother-in-law.  Who cares if she called you a name?  You called her a name so in the kindergarten world you are living in you are all even.   What you did destroying the roses was immature and it shows that you are filled with hate.  Michelle, you need counseling and you should have never gotten married until you worked out your issues.  You need to read the Bible and to also get a counselor and quit playing victim.

Jane is the only one who has shown any growth since the last show.  I felt sorry for her both times, more so last time because she could not control her emotions which were then used against her.  I"d be emotional too if my son and his wife were not allowing me to be in the wedding because of some petty little fight that blew up.  

Michelle is looking like she took a little disagreement, a little wrong doing on her mils part and saw it as an opportunity to isolate her husband from his mother. 

Michelle keeps saying "Their mother-son relationship was sick and unhealthy". I'd like to hear more about this allegation.  What is she implying?   What makes her say that.  From what I can see her marriage looks just as unhealthy. 

I don't think a child should do what Jay has done, which he can never undo the hurt he caused his mother  unless that child was abused sexually or physically.  Clearly, Jay is a person who likes to be controlled.  Maybe his mom was controlling and at the point he fell in love with a controlling woman this backfired.

I don't know how old Jay is, but he doesn't act very grown up.  I don't think that it is fair to call Jane's family a posse' simply because they all have the wisdom to see what is going on here.  I can't believe Dr. Phil doesn't see it.  I don't think Jane tried to turn the family against Jay or Michelle.  If a mom is not going to be at a wedding, it is only fair to let the other relatives know before the wedding so there are not a lot of questions, talk about taking the attention off of the couple!  I guess Michelles whole family  has not heard tales of Jane's misdeeds?  Righto, I think they have.  I guess everyone at the wedding was of the mindset that Michelle is right, otherwise you are not invited.  Wow, how dictator-like of Michelle.

A mature couple would have resolved this before the wedding even if it meant moving the date back.  I mean all it should take is a simple "I am sorry".  But apparently that is not good enough for the Almighty Michelle.  How can Michelle know if Jane means it?  Well, give her a chance.  Michelle doesn't have to be around the MIL much. 

Michelle is dispicable.  Jay has been emasculated.  Jay, how can you live with yourself after what you did to your mother? Jay is dispicable too.  If your marriage produces offspring, which it probably  will since evil never dies, I hope your kids give it back to your ten-fold.  You have to live with what you have done Jay.  How can you stay in a marriage that you used as a tool to hurt your mother? 

You know Jay, your mom may not live that much longer, so that starting with one phone call a month is really not very generous of you.  I mean what the heck?  Your mom can't call once a week to say hello, ask about work and tell you about her week?  How about coming by for dinner once everyone puts down their grudges.  Your wife is evil.  She may  have a hot body and cute hair but that aint going to raise your kids.

I don't believe you  have a job you will lose if we see your face.  You're ashamed to show it, you ought to be.  You should be ashamed treating your mom that way.  I didn't believe you'd actually marry a woman who would ban your mom from the wedding, I thought the follow up would be that you and Michelle were forgiving and moving forward with boundaries in place. 

All you have to do is not listen to ugly things your mom says about your spouse and tell her, not to say those things to  you b/c it hurts you.  Then you don't go repeat it to your wife b/c you are a man who knows it will hurt the wife and it will stir up trouble.  Wow, Jay, if you would have just acted like a man months ago you could have avoide hurting your mother in the worst way possible.  I could never forgive myself if I did this to my parents.  Also, I think what Michelle has done could easily poison her own marriage since she clearly is a big part of why you dishonored your mom in this way.

You'll be visiting your mom's grave and you will never be able to take back what you did.  Yay for Jay, he hurt his mom in the worst way possible.  Oh I guess you can keep the grandkids from her too, that will hurt her too.  There you go, you can still turn the knife a little more, that ought to make you happy. 

Michelle and Jay are evil.  I think even Dr. P was surprised by how relentless Michelle is in her quest to keep the divide.