Messages By: aussie21

i can relate to the DIL as I went through a very similar instance about two years ago. In the beginning we all got along really well until my husband asked me to marry him. Things started to change between the family and my MIL went as far as to ring our house when my husband was at work to tell me that if I really loved her son then instead of marring him I should pack all my stuff and be gone from his life before he got home from work. She felt that I disrespected her by going into her house in my dirty work clothes (I was a dairy farmer) and that I was changing her son. since we have been together he has made a concious choice to get a drivers license, give up excessive drinking and drugs and plan for a future. We are expecting our first baby any day now and I have never seen him so excited. when we got married a wedding invitation was send to his parents and also to all the immediate members of his family. His sister was the only one who choose to attend. Things got so bad between the family that we had no contact with his parents for almost 2 years. I know that this was hard for my hisband however I never made the decision for him to not have any contact with them but I did say that until things were sorted out they were not welcome in our home. I believe that despite the turmoil with in the family that the DIL and son should extend the wedding invitation to his mother. After all the day belongs to the bride and groom and if the MIL dicides to make a scene there will be plenty of people there to difuse the situation without it ruining the day. Also if the MIL does make a scene, which I dont think she will, it will show everyone involved just what kind of person she is on the inside and the lack of respect she has for her "only son". Things in my family are just beginning to ease up and sort themselves out but in the end it was my husband who made the first move. For the DIL it may not be easy to accept or understand because her mother is there for her but I think she needs to sit and think about how it will make her HTB feel on their wedding day not to have his mother there. He make say that he's fine and he may not show any feelings as such on the outside but on the inside he will be hurting and I'm not saying that this will happen but it could. He may end out resenting his bride in the long run. Things will ease up and maybe a little less contact for a while might help to put things in perspective for both sides. the MIL may not like the DIL or may not approve but in the end the choice is her son's. She needs to pull back and imagine life without her son. Weigh up her options and decide whats worse.

I saw a family with problems on both sides. Ultamately its the son's choice not anyone else's who her marries or starts a family with. I saw the MIL dishing her fair share of disrespect and rudeness out not just the DIL. the son agreed with most of what his BTB was stating and I dont think that it';s because he's whipped. I think that its because he loves her and its true.