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Messages By: lcb81860

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November 15, 2005, 7:11 am CST

Just My Opinion...

WOW ~~ NICE new design to the site! ;)  I haven't posted here in months, but thought I'd drop in after having watched yesterday's 'First Wives Club' Pt. 1 episode. 

  

Dr. Phil ~~ while I love and respect your opinions/advice MOST of the time...however, I felt you were a bit too "cold-fish" toward the ladies.  Understandably, the pain they are feeling is still raw, as they have recently divorced.  You treated them as if they were looking for a  "pity-party" ~~ Lord knows, they probably didn't get much sympathy or support from loved ones...I know first-hand, how people are funny and very "stand-offish" when it comes to this matter ~~ but I felt that they needed some kind of compassion expressed by you and Robin.  Your attitude toward them was basically "get over it"!  Yes, they need to take back charge and control of their lives and learn to stand on their own two feet, however, they need time to heal.  Would you be as blunt to a person mourning a loved one who's recently passed on by saying to them "You're boring the sh*t outta me"?  These women have expended years and years of their lives in their marriages and now, they're thrust out into the cold world alone.  They don't have the opportunity to "get over it" when their ex-husbands haven't even apologized to them (and probably never will) for doing what they did and making them feel the way they do; isn't THIS what you've always said would help someone move past this experience and help them to forgive the one(s) who've hurt them ~~ to gain back their POWER? 

  

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express myself in this Forum.  I look forward to watching Pt. 2 later today and hope that the advice you're giving these women will have helped put them back on track with their lives. 

  

Sincerely, 

Lucy B. 

 
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April 3, 2006, 3:14 pm CDT

My Mom may not have been...

"Mother-Of-The-Year", but in my heart-of-hearts I feel that she did HER best at raising her 5 children single-handedly.  Within the first five years of my life, my two eldest brothers passed away in separate auto-related accidents and yet Mom was still able to persevere with my two older brothers and myself.  October of this year will mark her 10th anniversary of her passing...even though our mother-daughter relationship was typically (and extremely) turbulent at times, what I wouldn't give to have her here with me, even though I know she IS with me, in spirit. 

  

Jessica...I completely understand how painful your upbringing had been and, of course, your Mom could/should have done a better job raising you, however, NOW is the time to move forward and make EVERY attempt to reconcile with her and find in your heart forgiveness in her, for the day WILL come when she will no longer be with you and then you'll regret not having done so.  Dr. Phil always says that, as children, we have no control over our lives, but as adults, we DO have control over the choices we make.  God bless you and your Mom! 

  

OXO
Lucy B. 

 
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April 3, 2006, 3:23 pm CDT

My take on Dr. Phil's comment is...

Quote From: beth93

    Dr. Phil keeps saying to give yourself the love you wished you received.  Does anyone understand what he means?   I wish he would explain what he means on the show

What we don't/can't get EMOTIONALLY from others (i.e., love) we need to give to ourselves in order to fill that void, which is so hard to do because, for the most part, we put others' feelings/welfare before our own. 

  

OXO
Lucy 

 
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May 11, 2006, 1:00 pm CDT

Re: Christie and Shannon

Well, Dr. Phil said to write, so here I'm writing...  

  

In the case of Christie and Shannon; what I'd like to know is whether or not Shannon EVER gave Christie a reason not to trust him.  You see, people just don't go about this snooping business without having had a valid reason to do so; i.e., was he ever unfaithful to her in the past?  Is he openly flirtatious with other women, etc.?  For Dr. Phil to decree that Christie has an "anxiety disorder" without having even addressed this pertinent question is, in my opinion, WRONGO!  I've been in this very position in the past, because of infidelity I had to endure in my own marriage years ago, and I completely empathize with Christie.  Instead of threatening to leave her because she's cramping his "privacy" ~~ remember Dr. Phil's words, "if you have nothing to hide, you hide NOTHING" ~~ Shannon should put forth his BEST EFFORT to reassure Christie that he IS faithful, that he DOES love her and that he would NEVER deliberately set out to do anything that would hurt or compromise his relationship with her...SIMPLE!   It's so ironic that we have no difficulty betrothing these "promises" to each other at the altar, yet  hard to hold up to these very standards throughout the marriage.  

  

OXO
Lucy
  

 
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May 11, 2006, 3:05 pm CDT

Christie and Shannon, continued...

I had a chance to view the show again this afternoon and happened to catch the blurb that Christie mentioned about Shannon having had an "emotional affair" last year after his father had passed away (btw...my deepest condolences on the loss of his father)...so, Shannod DID IN FACT give Christie cause to not trust him after all, didn't he? 

 

Trust is a VERY precious commodity...it takes a very long time to build it in others, a very short time to have it destroyed by them, and even looooooonger time for them to regain it.  Rather than focus the problem solely on Christie, Dr. Phil should have given Shannon the advice he most definitely needs to be able to earn back this trust that he obviously betrayed...just my opinion, of course! :) 

 

OXO
Lucy
 

 
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May 11, 2006, 3:20 pm CDT

Afterthought...

An "affair" doesn't have to involve sex in order to determine it's level of impact on the person betrayed...I would think that an "emotional affair" would have worse an effect because the physical is obviously an instant gratification, whereas feelings and emotions shared go way deeper between two people...MY opinion...always humble! :) 

 

OXO
Lucy
 

 
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May 12, 2006, 8:00 am CDT

A "toxic" friend...

About 6 months ago, I had to end a 10-year friendship with a person who I truly held dear to my heart; we were both each other's confidant, sounding board, shoulder to cry on, etc., however unknowingly, she had tried to sabotage my family during the two years prior and, once I found out the truth, I had to make this ultimate decision, sad as it was.  The importance of family and what little I have of one left me no choice.  Just thought I'd share... 

 

OXO
Lucy
 

 
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May 12, 2006, 2:41 pm CDT

Message to Gail...

Quote From: mgcarroll

I would never have thought I would be seeking help at this time of my life.  I am a 67 year old and my husband is 68.  My husband and I have been married sixteen months.  He was a widower (14 years) and I was a widow (8 years).  We dated for over four years and even broke up for about six months at one point.  When we got back together, it just seemed like we really were meant for each other.  He was so loving and gave my more attention than I had ever had.  We have had many stressful things once we were married.  He sold his house, moved him here and putting an addition on to my house. He is doing most of the work himself.  He is very intelligent and can do almost any thing. 

My problem is that he is a very sarcastic and moody individual.  He always has to be right and he can and does say anything he likes but as soon as I react, he yells at me and then for whatever period of time he needs, he will pout.  He is the one who decides when things are ok again.  Of course, I have allowed him to do this.  But any attempt to talk to him results in nothing changing.  Now I saw all this type of behavior before we married but it didn't happen often.  Now it is almost every week.  Even his kids (4) tellme I must stand up to him or he will run over me. 

I am very depressed and lately wishing we had not gotten married. 

I don't know how this can be resolved and it is eating me up. 

  

Gail 

  

  

Fortunately, you have the support of his children who probably had to put up with his nonsense over the years as well! 

 

Girlfriend, you have come a LONG way in life not to have to put up with this disrespect.  You can either choose to ignore his behavior and not let it affect you, OR stand up to him as advised.  Like Dr. Phil has said thousands of times, "You teach people how to treat you".  Don't continue to be your husband's educator of this bad behavior, however, teach him the meaning of mutual love and respect.  I wonder if he was the same way with his first wife (may she rest in peace)...my guess is YES!  Good luck and many blessings to you two "newlyweds"! ;) 

 

OXO
Lucy
 

 
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May 12, 2006, 2:52 pm CDT

To "Confused"...

Quote From: miannr

i am 22 years old with two children and i have been in a domestic violence relationship with my husband i have decided to leave him and to be a topless dancer  to  provide for my children but  my mom shuns my for doing that and everyone in my family dislikes me b/c  i want to dance in order to be self sufficient here is mt quandry even if i didnt have the children i think i would do the topless dancing b/c i enjoy it it is fun and i make money in a safe club so my question do i not dance and live with my m other and not have any money or do i do what makes me happy  and dance and take care of my children on my own 

  

  

help 

PLEASE don't take my comment to you as being judgmental, but I truly feel that you and your children would be best served if you reconsidered your career path.  While you say that this type of dancing would make you "happy", there are NO guarantees that you would be ultimately "safe" in whatever club you chose to work for (have you ever watched 'The Sopranos'?) and mostly, you wouldn't have the respect you deserve in life from those who employ or oggle you.  I personally would rather work 2-3 part-time jobs, all the while keeping my dignity in tact.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you; your responsibility is to put your kids #1 by doing THE BEST you can for yourself and them!  Good luck! 

 

OXO
Lucy
 

 
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May 12, 2006, 5:45 pm CDT

Summer...

It's so obvious that Summer is still using/drinking, given her erratic and defensive behavior.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she were tested and diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, which would also explain her behavior compounded by the substance abuse.  My heart goes out to her little boy, because he is being denied the love and care that he needs from his Mom.  

  

Summer, IF you read these Boards, P L E A S E get the help you need to get your life on track ~~ not just for you but for your son as well!  He's little now, but he WILL grow up resenting you for neglecting him and what you've done to yourself...hence, the vicious cycle continues.  BTW...your parents aren't perfect; I'm sure your relationship with them could/should have been better if some things were done differently, but they only did what they knew/felt was in your best interest.  At 29, it's now up to YOU to control your life, not them.  

  

OXO
Lucy
  

 

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