Messages By: lcb81860

WOW ~~ NICE new design to the site! ;)  I haven't posted here in months, but thought I'd drop in after having watched yesterday's 'First Wives Club' Pt. 1 episode. 

Dr. Phil ~~ while I love and respect your opinions/advice MOST of the time...however, I felt you were a bit too "cold-fish" toward the ladies.  Understandably, the pain they are feeling is still raw, as they have recently divorced.  You treated them as if they were looking for a  "pity-party" ~~ Lord knows, they probably didn't get much sympathy or support from loved ones...I know first-hand, how people are funny and very "stand-offish" when it comes to this matter ~~ but I felt that they needed some kind of compassion expressed by you and Robin.  Your attitude toward them was basically "get over it"!  Yes, they need to take back charge and control of their lives and learn to stand on their own two feet, however, they need time to heal.  Would you be as blunt to a person mourning a loved one who's recently passed on by saying to them "You're boring the sh*t outta me"?  These women have expended years and years of their lives in their marriages and now, they're thrust out into the cold world alone.  They don't have the opportunity to "get over it" when their ex-husbands haven't even apologized to them (and probably never will) for doing what they did and making them feel the way they do; isn't THIS what you've always said would help someone move past this experience and help them to forgive the one(s) who've hurt them ~~ to gain back their POWER? 

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express myself in this Forum.  I look forward to watching Pt. 2 later today and hope that the advice you're giving these women will have helped put them back on track with their lives. 

Sincerely, 

Lucy B. 

"Mother-Of-The-Year", but in my heart-of-hearts I feel that she did HER best at raising her 5 children single-handedly.  Within the first five years of my life, my two eldest brothers passed away in separate auto-related accidents and yet Mom was still able to persevere with my two older brothers and myself.  October of this year will mark her 10th anniversary of her passing...even though our mother-daughter relationship was typically (and extremely) turbulent at times, what I wouldn't give to have her here with me, even though I know she IS with me, in spirit. 

Jessica...I completely understand how painful your upbringing had been and, of course, your Mom could/should have done a better job raising you, however, NOW is the time to move forward and make EVERY attempt to reconcile with her and find in your heart forgiveness in her, for the day WILL come when she will no longer be with you and then you'll regret not having done so.  Dr. Phil always says that, as children, we have no control over our lives, but as adults, we DO have control over the choices we make.  God bless you and your Mom! 

OXO
Lucy B. 

What we don't/can't get EMOTIONALLY from others (i.e., love) we need to give to ourselves in order to fill that void, which is so hard to do because, for the most part, we put others' feelings/welfare before our own. 

OXO
Lucy 

Well, Dr. Phil said to write, so here I'm writing...  

In the case of Christie and Shannon; what I'd like to know is whether or not Shannon EVER gave Christie a reason not to trust him.  You see, people just don't go about this snooping business without having had a valid reason to do so; i.e., was he ever unfaithful to her in the past?  Is he openly flirtatious with other women, etc.?  For Dr. Phil to decree that Christie has an "anxiety disorder" without having even addressed this pertinent question is, in my opinion, WRONGO!  I've been in this very position in the past, because of infidelity I had to endure in my own marriage years ago, and I completely empathize with Christie.  Instead of threatening to leave her because she's cramping his "privacy" ~~ remember Dr. Phil's words, "if you have nothing to hide, you hide NOTHING" ~~ Shannon should put forth his BEST EFFORT to reassure Christie that he IS faithful, that he DOES love her and that he would NEVER deliberately set out to do anything that would hurt or compromise his relationship with her...SIMPLE!   It's so ironic that we have no difficulty betrothing these "promises" to each other at the altar, yet  hard to hold up to these very standards throughout the marriage.  

OXO
Lucy  

I had a chance to view the show again this afternoon and happened to catch the blurb that Christie mentioned about Shannon having had an "emotional affair" last year after his father had passed away (btw...my deepest condolences on the loss of his father)...so, Shannod DID IN FACT give Christie cause to not trust him after all, didn't he? 

Trust is a VERY precious commodity...it takes a very long time to build it in others, a very short time to have it destroyed by them, and even looooooonger time for them to regain it.  Rather than focus the problem solely on Christie, Dr. Phil should have given Shannon the advice he most definitely needs to be able to earn back this trust that he obviously betrayed...just my opinion, of course! :) 

OXO
Lucy 

An "affair" doesn't have to involve sex in order to determine it's level of impact on the person betrayed...I would think that an "emotional affair" would have worse an effect because the physical is obviously an instant gratification, whereas feelings and emotions shared go way deeper between two people...MY opinion...always humble! :) 

OXO
Lucy 

About 6 months ago, I had to end a 10-year friendship with a person who I truly held dear to my heart; we were both each other's confidant, sounding board, shoulder to cry on, etc., however unknowingly, she had tried to sabotage my family during the two years prior and, once I found out the truth, I had to make this ultimate decision, sad as it was.  The importance of family and what little I have of one left me no choice.  Just thought I'd share... 

OXO
Lucy 

Fortunately, you have the support of his children who probably had to put up with his nonsense over the years as well! 

Girlfriend, you have come a LONG way in life not to have to put up with this disrespect.  You can either choose to ignore his behavior and not let it affect you, OR stand up to him as advised.  Like Dr. Phil has said thousands of times, "You teach people how to treat you".  Don't continue to be your husband's educator of this bad behavior, however, teach him the meaning of mutual love and respect.  I wonder if he was the same way with his first wife (may she rest in peace)...my guess is YES!  Good luck and many blessings to you two "newlyweds"! ;) 

OXO
Lucy 

PLEASE don't take my comment to you as being judgmental, but I truly feel that you and your children would be best served if you reconsidered your career path.  While you say that this type of dancing would make you "happy", there are NO guarantees that you would be ultimately "safe" in whatever club you chose to work for (have you ever watched 'The Sopranos'?) and mostly, you wouldn't have the respect you deserve in life from those who employ or oggle you.  I personally would rather work 2-3 part-time jobs, all the while keeping my dignity in tact.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you; your responsibility is to put your kids #1 by doing THE BEST you can for yourself and them!  Good luck! 

OXO
Lucy 

It's so obvious that Summer is still using/drinking, given her erratic and defensive behavior.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she were tested and diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, which would also explain her behavior compounded by the substance abuse.  My heart goes out to her little boy, because he is being denied the love and care that he needs from his Mom.  

Summer, IF you read these Boards, P L E A S E get the help you need to get your life on track ~~ not just for you but for your son as well!  He's little now, but he WILL grow up resenting you for neglecting him and what you've done to yourself...hence, the vicious cycle continues.  BTW...your parents aren't perfect; I'm sure your relationship with them could/should have been better if some things were done differently, but they only did what they knew/felt was in your best interest.  At 29, it's now up to YOU to control your life, not them.  

OXO
Lucy