Messages By: richardsmom

I was once in the situation of one of doctor Phil's guests, I so badly wanted to be a mom, but my husband was firm about not wanting to be a parent.  When we first got married, I was dumb enough to agree with him that he should get a vasectomy and thought (at that time) that if he was so dead set against having a child, than this was ok because I was so in love with him that it just didn't matter.  As the years began to tick by, I realized how huge of a mistake it was for me to write off my own deep feelings, and we had many arguements about the topic of having children.  I was so lonely inside and a piece of me was missing, but again I sucked it up because I am so in love with my husband.

Out of nowhere, about 7 years ago my husband had a change of heart!  I was THRILLED to say the least.  Not only did he change his mind, God put a situation in front of us almost immediately after my husband shared his new feelings with me.  Shortly after, my husband and I adopted a new born baby boy. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it...if we had to go through the real adoption chanels of going through an agency, etc., we would not have been able to afford it.  The cost of adopting is outrageous and it makes me sick to think of how many kids are out there for adoption, and good, loving people who deserve and desire to be parents can't adopt them because it is financially out of their reach.  My husband and I were blessed to be in the right place at the right time.  I had a friend whose niece was pregnant (with her fourth child) and knew she was not able to keep it.  This girl was a heroin addict and had already lost her other three children to "the system".  While she didn't know my husband and I, she trusted her aunt (who was my friend) and to make a long story short, today we have a son!

Not long after we had the desire to have another child.  I went through artificial insemination for a little over a year with no luck.  Ultimately we decided to adopt again, and pursued it through the Department of Social Services.  We reluctantly tread on, because we were afraid that we would have a child placed with us and then ripped away along with our hearts (there are many horror stories out there)...to our delight, we soon became parents to a 13 month old girl (now age 3) and have never looked back.

My husband has said many times that he regrets all the years wasted when he had firmly decided no children.  These children have changed our lives and have fufilled our destiny and hearts.  Not only do we love these children with every breath we take, we made yet another leap and have since become foster parents!  My husband and I requested infants only, and for the past year have had the privilege of caring for about 10 children who were in need of a home and in need of love.  The experience is undescribable and we are continually amazed at what we have to offer these children, but what they too have to offer us.  Right now we have a 1 month old baby girl that is such a delight.  Our other children (now ages 7 and 3) have become very compassionate kids and have eaten up the foster care experience with us.

I look back now and see how depressed and saddened I used to be at the thought of never being a mom and now I am constantly told that I have "found my calling" with foster care and with being a stay at home "professional" mom. LOL

Bottom line, follow your heart!  Don't write off being a parent if that's where your true love is, but don't become so obsessed with it that you tear apart the loved one's currently in your life and sacrafice those that have been with you all along.  Get some couselling if need be, and realize that God will put the situation in front of you if it's meant to be, just keep the faith.  Here I am now, my husband and I together for 23 years, kids I went to school with already have grandchildren and at age 42 we have 2 kids under the age of 8!  It is a trip I would not trade for anything!

Do not write off adoption as an option, and do not write of Social Services...there are thousands of kids out there who need a loving family, and you will be AMAZED at how quickly they will adapt and fit right in to your family.  Don't give up!