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Messages By: tiglibud

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December 25, 2007, 3:34 pm CST

BPD and Friendships

Hello ALL,

 

My name is Lisa (nik.Tigs) or Tiglibud if ya prefer that!  Whatever, makes no difference to me!  Anyhoo...saw this site like totally by accident.  Been click/click/click'n 'round lately on this here internet thing.  Started up in August.  Few weeks later dumped the Toxic Boyfriend...Aug 23rd...WHAT A WINNER, NOT!  Major Jerk!  So!  Anyways...

 

He comes back in October...and well!  I MEAN WELL!  WASN'T "THAT" special...INDEED NOT!

 

So...

 

So, I came on this here posting message board forums and attempted to find Friends, CALLED IT "QUEST FOR FRIENDS" ...well!  Let me enlighten ya's all...as since I have always found getting, keeping, and not freaking out friends... well!  WELL WELL NO WELL!

 

No, I mean...I am seriously Sick as a person!  Too bad!  Mainly I'm pretty cool to hang with!  But!  WOW ON THE PROBLEMS ALREADY!!!  hehehe

 

Let's see...Can't have or keep them things called friends because...

 

BECAUSE...

 

I have Borderline Personality Disorder

Bi-Polar

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Chronic Pain (TRUE STORY OF MURDER ATTEMPT)

ummmmmm?

Memory was busted up...too darn many kicks to my head (MEN! hehehe)

 

NO...I AM NOT TURNING LEZ!  I still really love the guys!  What can I say...???  Sucker for punishment?

 

OH!  That totally reminds me!  YES!  Got that SI behaviour issue also...That's short for "Self Injury"

 

Also referred lovingly by me as "Carving" ...or others as "Slashing" or others yet as "cutting"

 

What frigg'n Ever...HELPS ME COPE!

 

Okaaaaay....Best watch what I write eh?  Those darn guys with the "Clean white coats might knock on my door any day now!"  YIKES ON "THAT!"

 

Reminds me...hehehe ...When I was 15 years old YEP!  SPENT 11 full months in the ol'LPH  that's "London Psychiatric Hospital" ...I'm almost 41, so no worries...those are old horror stories now, and I like totally won't bore ya's with "THAT" nightmare!

 

OH!  YEP...That also!  "Night Terrors" ...YUCK AND DOUBLE YUCK ON THOSE!!!

 

Okaaaay!  SheeeeSh eh?  Can I get more?  OH YES I CAN! hehehe

 

Also got HEP C from Blood Transfusions...CRAP!

 

hehehe

 

HAVE I SCARED THIS FORUM OFF NOW ALSO? What does any of it matter, right?  Friends, No Friends...WHO CARES?  Well, kind'a in all honesty "I CARE!"  This is getting pretty sickly boring and lonely over on my end!  Know what I am trying to say?  Prolly not eh?

 

Okay...I'LL JUST LEAVE NOW...YEP!  That's prolly totally for the best...but I'll check in perhaps...or not...WHAT-EVER, hehehe

 

Post'ya ALL Later!  Maybe!

 
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December 26, 2007, 7:43 am CST

Your not alone Towers

Quote From: towers2002

hi

 why is it that its hard to find a girl friend to to love and be friends with and be happy ?

 im not good looking -disabe -can't see  or hear to good to drive or work . beleave me you would not want to be in my shoes .seem the ladys i meet only what one thing  money and sex and good looking man . i don't drink or smoke or take bad drugs .

 i dont even think dr.phil  ever talk about people like me who have a hard time finding the right one .

 in some ways i think he puts us down .sure there are man who are lazy and etc .but im not them .

   what i see in a person is what they are on the in side .and not what they look like on

the out side . same that the way lfe is here . but i keep going .becouse i know sooner or later there some one out there for me

.

Hey Guy!

 

You are totally NOT ALONE MAN!!!  Really!  I can relate like you got no idea!  I am not an ugly woman, but I end up with the worse kinds of men!  I am also disabled, and very messed up with mental health problem that are SUPER SCARY for most!  So, guess who I get?  Druggies, weird-o's and men that have abused me badly!  I recently dumped one in August and he returned  in October and tried to "OFF-me!"  What a loser!  Now, January I gott'a go into court and tell the stupid sorted tale to a judge and get this idiot off the streets so he can't hurt me, someone else or for that matter himself!

 

Anyways, I got tons to do here,so I gott'a run for now, but I'm posting here now..if ya need a friend, and just fyi  i  also have tons of FUN POSTING in a couple other sites with ezboard...come and be my pal..i can use good friends in my life!  Here's the places, if yer interested at all...LOOK ME UP, hehehe

 

http://p088.ezboard.com/bwww56024

 

http://p082.ezboard.com/bmenofwar

 
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December 26, 2007, 11:17 am CST

Good Stuff Charly

Quote From: charly31636

Absolutely!  People get what they can and then disappear.  I'm not interested in meeting people on one hand and want company in the other hand. ( I am learning to live independently)  I do think I will be better off relying on myself and being my own company, etc... 

 

I am kind of shy, but when I want to,  I give to a friendship and am very nice, etc...  I'm tired of being mistreated.   Charly

NOW THAT IS COOL ...Charly (boy?)  or is ya a woman? Sorry, but y'er nik "Charly" could actually go either way, and I post slightly differently with men over women...this avoids aukward stuff ...men need to be handled with a more buddy attitude on these post boards I am finding, or misunderstandings of the "ahem" kinds can occur!  Know what I am say'in?

 

So! Back to what ya said, SHY, WELL!  I can't say that about myself, but people usually don't hang with me for long on account of my "spells" ...hard to describe.  Anyways, I think it's admirable of you to be pushing yourself to be "independent" because I personally find it SUPPPPER HARD!  What-EVER!  I got it figured that if they don't wish to be around me, then "noth'n I can do to force them" ...so I let'em go...I have a friend on the outside ...her name is Michele, and she totally puts up with my crap!  GOOD STUFF!  but, shoot I've known her since like grade 9...and she's seen me through some seriously tough stuff!  Anyways, this is off my point totally now, hehehe

 

CRAP!!!   hehehe, sorry Charly, totally forgot my point...shoot!  Nevermind me then, hehehe

 

OMG!  Soooooo Sorry I am a bit messed up,silly me...I think that I wanted to try and convey a thinking that for me anyways...I have chosen "BAD men" because they would take care of some of my needs in exchange...and all I needed to do was allow them to hurt me, I DUNNO...that didn't come out sounding very normal, did it...can't allow men to hit women!  It's not "Right" ...so, I decided in August to ditch that crap, and all the other negative behaviours, GET A THERAPY DUDE ON MY SIDE...still working on the "Trust" and all that Jazzzzz, but ~I am hopefull~ You are very blessed to be so far in your independence struggles!  GOOD for you!  I hope this message made some sense to you Charly, sorry if my points were hard to comprehend ...Have A Wonderfully INDEPENDENT Life (gal/guy) ...Glad to read your posting, Good Stuff!

 

From silly me, TigLi, hehehe

 
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December 26, 2007, 11:26 am CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: mercy601

Hello: I am new on this site. I am 38 year old and married woman with no kids. I am happy, peaceful person in life in general. I am shy person by nature. I feel making friends in my area is hard work. I feel I have to make the effort calling them or e-mail to keep my name in their mind. People are always saying they are busy. And I say" Busy in what?"  Because I choose to not to have children in my life I feel I'm missing out in something because I'm not always busy. I have time for a lot things I like to do.

 

It funny I always feels I'm the only one feels this way or experiences and I notice people I just caught up on things in their life and missing out the fun part having friends around your circle of life.

 

That's my story!

 

Mercy

Mercy Me, hehehe ...you ARE A LUCKY WOMAN!  Good for you!  You use the words "Happy and Peaceful" when you describe yourself!  That is GRAND!  It gives my heart real warmth to know you are doing good in life, so what that you chose not to have kids, that is your choice, and nobody has the right to bugger with our personal choices!  If people are missing FUN, I personally think its their own darn fault!  Want FUN ?? GO AND GET SOME!  But, careful now, hehehe, DON'T DO WHAT I DONE, hehehe {evil giggles}

 

Nice ta read yer Post...Hope you post more soon!  Hugs!

 
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December 26, 2007, 1:05 pm CST

Creator of BPD? or Not?

Hello ALL,

 

I been working hard on this "Riddle" of Borderline Personality Disorder that I have been dx with, how much of it is "Born with" and How much is "Created?"  Well...one thing is certain...DAD didn't "help" Here's some of my  "THINKING SO FAR"  ...Makes Sense?

 

FOUR FATHERS

~Father~

ONE is in Heaven
ONE is his SON
ONE is DNA
ONE is NONE!

Lets really discuss the "FATHER FIGURE" ....shall we?

What is more important to a daughter than the love and approval of her daddy? What is also so very important to son? Well...WELL! Daddy's!

DAD? Can you LOVE me? ...Just the way "I AM?"

my father's response was always...NO!

NO, SORRY Lisa...You don't measure up! You are NOT what I wanted! You are "No Good!" OKAY THEN!

What does a child's brain do "With That?" Well...first...TRY HARDER! WORK HARDER ...DO BETTER THAN! Excell, and be BEST YOU CAN BE!!!!

What if...

Daddy still isn't happy with you?

WELL!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm?

okay then....REBEL TIME!

~WHATEVER~

Daddy can't love me...SO I WON'T LOVE ME EITHER!

He'll watch how HE has destroyed "ME" Such a shame! In the long run...who lost out? Daddy? YEP...Daugher? YEP!

Son? YEP!

Now...are you all Daddy's out there? ARE YOU SOMEONE'S DADDY? ARE YOU ...LOVING THAT CHILD "UNCONDITIONALLY?"

Cuz...I gott'a small message for you ...If you are Daddy...and you are MESSING THIS UP!!!!!!! Well, Good Luck with "THAT!"

Because ...if the child, is at all like me and my brother...YEP!

GONN'A FIND EVERY WAY IN THE WORLD TO MAKE YOU PAY!

Pay "US" for your "Judgements" for your "PAIN inflicted on us" ...find every single thing that might "might hurt you" and DO IT! JUST TO SHOW SPITE, AND ANGER!

AT DADDY~

Now...I sit here and watch as my Father, maybe without his knowledge...DOES IT AGAIN TO AMANDA! Breaks my heart! I don't have the ability to stop it, but I do have a voice...and even tho I knew it would hurt my father today...of all days...to hear me tell him ...BACK OFF!!!! BACK OFF FROM AMANDA!!!! Well, I sit in a bit of guilt...and I heard the pain in his voice, maybe...maybe he realizes a bit now...what judging and ignoring and hurting children does to them...MAYBE! I CAN HAVE HOPE! But....It hurts me to hurt him! My father is not a bad man...BUT, HE WAS NOT A GOOD DADDY!

No Worries guys!!!! I am holding "Steady" ...a few tears is okay...even on Christmas... Is good for the soul to release the pain sometimes! Just need to keep it in "check" right? I am learning...I AM! And I won't keep dragging my pain into other's lives and use it...USE IT...as an excuse to PUSH PEOPLE AWAY!

More on this....is the choices I make in MEN...I should say "Boys" ...Why or how could I ever have made "A good choice?" When I had such a rotten example of what a man was...hum? huh? Now...that's no good excuse for me "anymore" ...so... time to LOOK FOR A GOOD MAN! One that knows how it is ...how it is to be GOOD BACK TO ME!

This song...REPRESENTS ...The Pain that I'd rather have always felt...because MY DADDY STOLE AWAY ALL MY OTHER FEELINGS!!! Maybe not intentionally...BUT THAT WAS THE "RESULT" ....!!!!! I hope that HE GET'S MY "MESSAGE" ...ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

 
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December 26, 2007, 1:13 pm CST

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: money1

my dad has been remarried for 4 years. this women is impossible to get along with. I have 2 other sisters who feel the same way. It has got to the point that we do not want to come over anymore because all she wants to do is fight and argue with everyone.This is the real kicker: 2 weeks ago she was arguing in the car with my dad. She caused a real bad wreck. She ran a stop sign and hurt some other people.  My dad was the worse. His neck was broken along with his spine.  He was careflighted to Parkland hospital in Dallas,tx He is now in intensive care on a ventilator,dialysis machine, had to have a blood transfusion and alot of other stuff.  The first night my stepmonster along with her two step-monster daughters got into it. Now everytime I try to go visit my dad she starts an argument and has made it impossible to find out if he is ok due to the HIPPA law. My one sister is getting along with her but she still cant find out much because of hippa and the other sister is like me refusing to be a rat with cheese. Meaning  she will be real nice on the phone and then a real witch when you get to the hospital.  I have tried to apologize,but with no sucess.  I was just really upset about my dad thats all. I feel hopeless because I don;t know if he is going to make it and if I will even be allowed at the funeral.  I have called a few lawyers, but there is not much I can do unless he dies then I can sue her for neglect.  I don't want to get any uglier but I am tired of being a doormat!

Hello Money,

 

I read your post and wonder...has your step-mum ever seen a psychiatrist...the symptoms presented so well written by you, I might add...remind me of a disorder called BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder.  Anyways, I have this and MANY OTHERS! Just a thought, that instead of putting either a super hatred on for her, and rejecting her out rite...MAYBE SEE IF SHE IS WILLING TO GET HELP???  Ask HER...can't hurt to ask...right?

 

Anyhow, GOOD Luck, and try to remember that we are all the way we are for one reason or other...I sure hope you are feeling better than a doormat these days, GOD knows that I sure feel like that most days also, I been used up tons myself by "Others"  Thanks for Sharing you with us, HUGS TO YOU!

 
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December 26, 2007, 1:21 pm CST

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: money1

sorry about your daughter. don't give up on her. I was in an abusive realtionship in my early twenties.  I married an alcoholic and a wife-beater.  He was arrested 2 or 3 times for assault.  He also ruined my credit for years. thankfully I never got pregnant so it was easier to leave.  He had me move 300 miles away from my friends and family and every gave up on me but my dad.  My sister also gave me good advice.  I will never forget it.  It was when O.J Simpson had murdered or had someone murder Nicole Simpson Brown.  She said I guess you will have to end up like Nicole Simpson before you leave him. Men than abuse women have a control that I can't explain why I let it happen.  He was always sorry that he did it, would never do it again etc. When I left him My dad took me in, let me stay for a long time, pay off my bills, have a nice life,good car to drive a good job and I went to school.  I am so grateful that he believed in me and stood by me.  She will leave.  She will get tired of it.  Especially if you have something to offer her that is better for her and her baby.  I know it is alot to ask of you, but she needs you more than you know. she is alone.  I know it is her choice but she just does not know any better. Help her find a plan when she is ready to leave hopefully before it is to late.  Find out about domestic violence shelters and counseling.  Maybe she would just go and get advice and they will help her leave, find a place to live, a job and away from him. They will also take information about him his drivers license, his social security number, and they will go to court and help prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.  My abuser got a slap on the hand, but he lost his job,and me, and had to pay a fine,court costs and community service.  Also she does not have to go to court to get him prosocuted in some states. the police and district attorney will do that for her. Hopefully it is a women who has been there and wont be nice.They also have protective orders  but if that doesnot work and he comes around I would shoot that sob!Sorry so long , but hope you get some use out of this. 

YIKES!

 

ABUSE!  Hurry and Take it super serious!  Ya never know for sure with these guys!  TRUST ME!  I Know THIS!!!  I have had serious attempts on my very LIFE!  First guy, I was 20, Jan.17, 1987 ...guy threw me off a 9-story Balcony...NO LIE!  His departing words "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE WILL!"

 

Stupid me, eh?  Well!  Not stupid, just very sick in my mind also, and believed that  ..That kind of Love was all I was worth!

 

DOUBLE YIKES!

 

Another man, Just before Halloween,  this year...goes and beat me up and tried to strangle me to death...why?  Well!  Because I wanted to break it off for good, Did it in August, but these kinds of men don't leave easy!

 

~GOOD GOD!  MY PRAYERS FOR YOUR LOVED ONE~

 
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December 26, 2007, 7:18 pm CST

YEP! Got TONS!

CHRONIC PAIN?

 

YEP!   I can relate guys!  HEY!  I got some awsome coping strategies.  First, quick explanation on how I got chronic pain, just FYI'IN ya's!  SO!

 

So, Jan.17/87 - Canada, HI-RISE APT. 9th Floor.  Had been 3 years with the worse kind'a man.  Now, keep in your minds as ya's all read this that I am now almost 41.  SO..

 

This "abuser" one night, since I, once again wished to ditch the relationship...well!!  Super beating, but instead of sending me off to The punishment closet, this time the Jerk takes me and tosses me off the darn balcony!  YEP!  TRUE!  no, I didn't die,hehehe...obviously eh? hehehe  OK, so....Last words this injit says to me?  Allow me to share this one piece...gives ya some clue as to this guys ...mentality...He says to me, "If I can't have you, no one will."

 

JEEEZZZZZZ!!!  Anyways, no worries...I lived!  YEP!  Duh!  It's not a ghost at the keyboard, or is it? hehehe {just kidding}

 

So!  Over 200 operations and various proceedures later...YIKES, I KNOW!  Well!  Aint I in a bitzy of pain?  YEPPERS!

 

So!  Strategies:

 

First the things that worked, but were totally temporary and detrimental....DRUGS!  Not suggested!  Temporary at best, and not only that, KILLER STUFF!  And...Jail possibilities!  And...well, lots of negatives,TRUST ME "I tried 'em all out"

 

Okay Things that do work:  Friendships help (supportive people in your life)

 

Also..Visualization, Meditation, Exercize(within your limitations ...Using Imagination to keep your mind distracted from the pain!  TV, Internet, MUSIC, anything that keeps your mind off the torture.

 

Anyways....My heart goes out to all my fellow humans who also suffer!

 

Then, as most do have, there's usually the depression, self-loathing, and feelings of inadequacy ...plus others ...that we must contend with!  NO DOUBT!

 

SO!  Take care of "YOU" aLL!!!!  And...try not to stay negative....be positive on LIFE!  "There is always someone out there worse  off than me" ....I try and keep that in mind!

 

HUGS to all Chronic Pain Sufferers!

 
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December 27, 2007, 4:08 am CST

That's the KEY!

Quote From: mssylady1

As Dr. Phil would say...How is that working for you?  If what you are doing isn't working for you, then you need to make some changes.

 

  1. I would suggest first start smiling when you past people and just say hello and keep walking.
  2. Forget your upbringing, you are an adult now and capable of changing, IF YOU WANT TO!
  3. People don't usually stop on the street to talk with strangers, so don't expect to find a friend by doing this.  That is right, they are talking to you aout of kindness.
  4. STOP investinging and spending, let others do that if they are interested in your conversation.  If your conversation is good, they will contact you for more conversation.
  5.  Your partner is wrong...it is not your appearance from what you have described.  Go to a store that you like and ask for a salesperson near your age and ask them to suggest an outfit that is casual for a lunch or going to a sporting event.  Then ask for suggestions on an outfit that would be appropriate for an evening at a dinner or bar or church event.
  6. Then go to an upscale barbershope and ask for a facial, update hair cut or trim.
  7. Check out your shoes, if they need to be changed, then change them too by your salesperson.

If you truly do what you say you are doing, then you shouldn't be having any problems, and possibly just want someone to talk with on the boards.  You contradict yourself a number of times.  Honestly, if you do all you say you are doing, you should not have any problems unless you choose to have a problem.

 

One last thing, become a volunteer of programs for the community and don't drop out!

"Choosing to have a Problem"

 

That's the KEY! Wouldn't think it but I really never understood that before,AND WHAT A SHAME!  For myself, me and I...Drat!  All this time and I was just a big fraidy Cat!  Scared of people!  Running, Hiding, Pushing others away!  SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!!!  Well, I am a survivor all right!  But, HOW FRIGG'N HAPPY AM I?

 

Not MUCH!  Crap!  This newest of realizations super bites!  Thank goodness I am taking a trip out to my mothers house for a night or two!  I need my "mommy" hehehe, We never really grow out of that, do we?

 

Maybe it's "Just Me?"  But....WHATEVER!

 

Later~

 
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December 28, 2007, 10:35 pm CST

Find/Found Friendships

GRAND NEWS ALL!

 

I found the "way" to making friends!  It's complicated, and it took me a lot of effort!  But!  and I do say BUT!  With perseverance and patience on both my and their parts!!  SUCCESS!!!  FOUND!!!

 

Now, here is what worked for me,maybe it can work for you also!  I DIDN'T GIVE UP!  I kept on posting myself and with honesty!  After some months, WELL!  It finally paid off! I found Posting board friends at ezboard!  That's kind'a similar a place as this.  Not everyone took to me at first, and I was banned here/there...no problem!  FOUND ME SOME FRIENDS! On top of "that" they are teaching me how to make and maintain friends...then I can take what I learn here and apply it to the "OUTER WORLD" ...GOOD STUFF!!

 

I suggest it to anyone having problems finding friendships...go look here..ezboard.com/P082/menofwar, and join in, ~if ya's want~

 

 

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