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December 25, 2007, 6:14 pm PST

Both Sides Of The Fence

Quote From: vixiex

Fathers are more than a checkbook. I don't think he should have to pay if he isn't the biological father - especially since he's been lied to this whole time. HOWEVER, if he's raised this child and is the Dad that the child knows - I would assume there is love between the two of them. That relationship should continue.

Biology has less to do with parenthood than love, trust, teaching and caring that comes from that relationship. "Anyone can be a father - but it takes someone special to be a Dad"

Just my 2 cents.

I am married to a man who was the bio dad of a married woman (she was separated and living in an apartment at the time) who later divorced him and asked him to step forward and take a dna test. When all was said and done my now husband had to pay the former husband and her current child support. The bottom line it's more importantly about the child'semotional health. But secondly - if a bio mother has caused a man to pay child support (as though he had physically caused this child's birth) - in MY opinion SHE should pay the back child support to the non-responsible party. And thebio dad should pay ongoing child support for his new found child. I also think this problem is becoming more common and dna tests should be taken before fathers sign the birh certifiate or are listed on the birth cert as dad.

The man who thought he was the bio dad should have the heart to continue some kind of relationship with the daughter. Added parents to the mixing pot (new wives or husbands) should encourage to the adults to do the right thing by the child - thechild has the right to know her bio family and the bio dad should finish out the financial responsibility to the child.

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riccaro

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December 25, 2007, 6:24 pm PST

I agree

Quote From: boopkiss

I could totally identify with the African American who appeared on your show this evening. Too often, a male partner is labelled as guilty of parenting a child without any conclusive evidence. And far too often, the courts lean in favour of the female, calling her "the victim". As the gentleman on your show pointed out, too often it's the male that is victimized. The female lawyer from California was way out in left field, in my opinion. She clearly portrayed herself as a hostile "male basher", totally unrecognizant of any positive points that her "opponents" demonstrated. As you pointed out, Dr. Phil, every case has two sides; but the female lawyer could only see "one side". She came across as weak and ineffectual, with an axe to grind against men in general.

I feel that too often the wrong guy is held accountable for another's responsibilities. Too often guys who are just trying to be decent individuals, who are trying to help a female friend through a difficult situation are trapped into legal and financial obligations that are none of their responsisblity. This was the situation I myself was in several years back. I met a lady whom I found attractive. After dating for a couple of months, and sharing some intimate moments, she advised me that she may be pregnant by a former "encounter". As a caring individual (thinking back, I was probably more of a fool), I told her that I would sign papers to say that I was the father to keep her from getting in trouble. (The fellow she had had the "one night" encounter with was a drug addict.) It turned out that she wasn't pregnant. But only now do I see the precarious situation this could have potentially put me in, all in the name of "being a nice guy".

I think it should be the obligation of the mother and the court AT THE TIME OF BIRTH to either;

a) determine who the legal father is and hold that individual accountable.

- or -

b) leave the legal and financial responsibility up to the mother.

DNA testing is the norm in our society now. Shouldn't we be using it to protect all parties involved?

There are far too many incidents of woman having out-of-wedlock births just because they feel it's "what they want to do". Often the male isn't even made aware of the pregnancy. It's time that women took the responsibility for their biological functions; THEY are the ones who can and do get pregnant. They should at least be responsible enough to be able to identify the one partner that impregnated them, and not the scenario often presented (ie. "The child may belong to one of three or four different guys.") Frankly, not to sound any better than anyone else, but I DO NOT GO AROUND HAVING SEX WITH DIFFERENT PARTNERS ON ANY KIND OF REGULAR BASIS. If a woman told me that I got her pregnant, I would be able to tell in a heartbeat if that child MIGHT be mine. I feel that women should be held to at least that level of accountability.

We have all these legalities, dna tests should be mandatory before a birth cert is signed, it's legal document that can be easily manipulated or fraudently siged. My husband has been in this exact scenario except he was the bio dad. The child lived with the non-bio dad after they divorced until she was 9, then mom wantd bio dad to step forward, bio dad had to pay non-bio dad and mom. In my opinion, bio mom should have paid non-bio dad and the bio dad pay current support and both should have a relationship with the child.

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riccaro

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December 25, 2007, 6:40 pm PST

It takes just 2

From personal experience:

Mom should pay NON-BIO Dad back

Bio Dad should be found for monetary reasons & emotional of the child

Non bio dad should continue some sort of relation w/ his kid's sibling

DNA tests should be required before Dad's nameput on legal document - birth cert

It's really that simple -

How can anyone expect this guy who was cheated on to be double slapped on the face

and require him to pay monetary support for a child that was conceived in an affair, unless the dad agreed from the get go

Mom needs to take responsibility find the bio dad,apologize to her ex husband, pay him back (that would make a man do it)and start getting financial help from the real bio dad.

to that lady attorney - the child is important but dignity for everyone and personal responsibility needs to happen - this guy is gettng cheated twice and the child is cheated also - why in the hell would he have to pay on going child support for a child he did not conceive. WOW is that lady out there, I would be scared to death knowing she fights legally for others- she's way too emotional for her own good -look at the big picture- hello

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riccaro

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December 25, 2007, 10:04 pm PST

Wow how did they become the bad guys??????

Quote From: lsting

Of course each situation needs to be treated depending on circumstances, but I felt that the message that "kids first, money second" was not embraced by the majority. Although I do not respect the ex wife, it is clear to me that the new wife and the husband are totally void of compassion for our youth and acted cruely The husband is responsible for his actions, but I have no doubt that the new wife goaded him into the financial injustice of it all. Even though it was at the cost of a young girls emotionally well being. Shame on the husband, period. A man of intrigrity would have handled this legally and not started the process with the 13 year old, which has damaged her emotionally. I'm not buying that he understands the severity of his actions. He sure is hanging on to this bone still a little too tightly. He does not deserve to be her father. I wouldn't loose sleep on this one if he couldn't get out of paying the child support. Let him feel it where it obviously hurts him most; in his pocketbook. Shame on the husband and new wife. I find it all disgusting and an injustice all it's own.

Wow!!!!

That'sinsanity. A wife cheats, they get divored and he realizes one child isnot his biologically so he doesnt want to pay. Don't you think he was hurt? And he should not have to pay, he shoud continue the relationship that is his siblings sister. But the BIO DAD needs to be found she needsto know her bio famly and bio dad should pick up and pay current child support. I'm sure the husband was angry and hurt and no one is perfect in situations like that,I think that was totally abusiv e for him to think that was his bio daughter and have such a stab in the heart, I'msure he was angry and was thinkng about how to handle the situation. He loves her and I am sure will continue visits in time.

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riccaro

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December 25, 2007, 10:13 pm PST

Totally!

Quote From: jomuse3

This mother lied to the father from the beginning. Enrique reacted instead of doing the "adult" thing when he told Selena she was not his biological father. However, he has admitted his mistakes. Maria had such a smug look on her face through the whole show. I do not believe she understands the depth of her wrong doing and still tries to put the blame on the father by saying he did not ask about paternity. It's quite obvious she is jealous and ticked off at his new wife's interference because now her lie has been exposed. It seems to me that both the girls have been coached by the mother as to what to say. I believe the girls still love and need their mother (as they should), but I hope some day, when they are grown, they will understand the depth of their mother's deception and that was what caused this in the first place. Enrique would like to include Selena in his life, after realizing his mistake, but, now that isn't going to happen. The mother got away with a lie for 9 yrs, the father is now ostracized because of the way he handled things, even though he acknowledges his mistakes. I saw a man torn by what he had done, taking responsibility for what he had done and the mom sitting there like a self-righteous peacock. And, the attorney definitely had an ax to grind. I think like another poster...DNA should be required at birth, period. This would not happen if it were just a part of the hospital stay. Whatever the cost of the DNA will not compare to the cost of child support and emotional bonds. I am a woman and I think Enrique is getting a raw deal.

So true, it was disgusting watching those 2 women, the bio mom and attorney act so smug like this dad was the bad guy - amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt sorry for him, you could tell she took advantage of him and he was angry rightfully so and didn't handle it well but he seems to be wiling to work it out, bio mom seemed to hold no responsibility to hook her daughter up with her real dad, she just wants her new husband to adopt her - she is thinking of no one but her self.

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Messages By: riccaro

Both Sides Of The Fence

I agree

It takes just 2

Wow how did they become the bad guys??????

Totally!