Messages By: kivarocks

   To be honest I would have to say that my upbringing was less than ideal in the 1960's.But... I had my innocence and sexuallity preserved and for that I'm very grateful.No child should grow up sexually manipulated and exploited by a parent.I'm So very,very sorry that this happened to you and it consequently changed who you were to become.I can only think of that  scene in Forest Gump when Jenny is throwing rocks at the old house were she was ___POWERLESS___and sexually abused.Then Forest gump watches her pitch rocks at the home of her child abuse and says."Sometimes there just are arn't enough rocks".Sometimes there just arn't enough rocks but I believe that being on this show is the start of your healing and recovery from abuse.What happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT even if the body responds from it's Biology.We want you to come back and reclaim your innocense and find that poor child that was devistated by such an act of this violence and betrayal.YOU WILL RECOVER AND CLAIM YOUR LIFE ! I KNOW THAT BECAUSE THIS IS HOW GOD WORKS.

   Come on Elaine I've been on the planet 49 years and I know your husband has a problem with honesty but then again I know 100% that your  NOT BEING honest with yourself.My gut and your body language is telling me you need to get honest with YOURSELF.I'm not trying to put another brick on your heavy burden Elaine but lets just be honest .........PLEASE !! One thing I've learned over the years is that [when people have a need GREATER than the need to know the truth----> they will over ride their intution].Elaine I've done this myself and seen many people do it when they want something more than they want to know the way things really are.Maybe you wanted to be loved Soooo much and have a family Sooo much that even when your intuition screamed "there's something sexually wrong with him" !!!!! you said I don't want to belive that it's just bedroom talk or fantasy talk.I NEED to belong,I need to be loved,I need to be accepted,I NEED these things MORE than I need to see the REALITY I CALL MY LIFE.So Elaine I'm telling you with all my heart,please don't say your doing this for the children or I'll throw up on my expensive computer desk.Get ____therapy and get honest___ and stop telling yourself fantasy stories.Only then will TRUE LOVE WILL FINALLY find you looking in the mirror.Until then you are living a deceptive unhealthy double life [trying to fill a void of emptiness and pain and a partner that is sick and wounded].After you finnish getting pissed at this message and rolling your eyes I challenge you to take it  { word for word and I mean every word in context }to your therapist and explore this path to freedom and self love.  God Bless I wish the best for you

  In 1978 my brother and I went on an 6,000 mile van trip through the U.S and Canada.Up in the mountians near Denver we stopped for the night and we met a nice young man that had been to Vietnam.He told me that when he was my age he was jumping out of a chopper with his M-16 and fighting every day to stay alive.He seemed pleased that I still had my innocence and that we would let him talk about his experiences without judging him.I could see the pain in his eyes and I could see him holding back a TON OF TEARS.30 years later I still think about him and hope he's doing better.I realize now that he probably had P.T.S.D which led him to drink more than one should.God how could anyone ever judge these BRAVE souls and not try to understand what they have suffered through.