Messages By: 2bthintwin

Hello to anyone who is reading this. I'm really feeling lost and alone. My twin sister passed away on 1/18/6 from a heart attack. We are 57 years old. Our mother passed away from a heart attach at 56. My sister made mention about living to be older than our mother, then within a 4 months she was gone. Our father passed away at 72 from a heart attack. My brother didn't die, but had a heart attack at 42. I seem to be the healthiest one in our family. I'm not sure if that is a blessing or not. At the present time, I feel like I have nobody to turn to. My brothers are not close to me. My friends aren't showing any concern to how I feel. My twin was my confidant, my listening ear and the one person who loved me unconditionally. Now, I feel like a fish out of water. I don't even know myself. I was the person who followed what my sister did a lot of my life. I always leaned on others and enjoyed whatever they liked. I have never really been alone before. Where do I turn? How do I reach out for friends, when I'm so sad? I don't want to present myself to others in such a lost and saddened state of mind. One of my closest friends hated my sister and never wanted to hear anything I had to say about her, so I can't discuss my feelings with her. Another close friend passed away 3 years ago, so I can't turn to her. I have another close friend, but she works a lot and doesn't have time to talk much. So here I am pouring out my feeling to strangers! That is depressing within its selt. I want someone to care about me! I need someone to care about me! I want my twin!

I goofed my mood up on my last post. It should have been hopeful, but somehow I goofed and it showed up as lazy. I am doing so much better after the two years of my twin being gone. I love sharing memories of her.

One time we were on our way to school. When the bus stopped for one student, there was a turtle crossing the road. She asked the bus driver if she could move it off of the road. He let her get off the bus to move the turtle. It was a snapping turtle and clamped on to her hand, between her thumb and index finger....ouch. She was in so much pain, but glad the turtle wouldn't be ran over on the street. When we got to school we went to the office. They used a pencil and poked the turtle in the butt to make it let go! She was embarrassed, but everyone else involved got a tremendous laugh and learned a good lesson! NEVER pick up a snapping turtle!