Messages By: griengurl

I had.....well still have.....(sort of)  a "saving stuff"  desire.  (I don't like using the words hoarding problem, sounds too harsh).   I like my stuff.  I realize I have too much of it.  I'm neat and organized, all boxes labeled, stacked in a tidy manner.  Common sense tells me there is no need to keep it, it's just for memory sake.   

I decided I would create a  photo album of those "treasures" that I find difficult to part with.  Like the first (glass) glass the children used.  Was a big day, they graduated from plastic kids cup to a....(glass) glass.  There's only one glass  left, the others broke through the years, but that one remaning glass is a treasure.   

My cellar is full of such "memories."  My strategy is to photograph the special items,  (photograph each item separately, one picture, one item, needs to be properly "displayed").....box the items, donate to Salvation Army.     

When I finally gave away my husband's favorite pair of shoes, I polished them, put a note on the box telling a little of the wonderful man who used to wear these shoes.  Maybe the person receiving them will treasure them, treat them nicely, keep them clean.   

Letting go of stuff is like letting go of your life.  My life is full of wonderful memories.  The photo album will be a sort of record of  good times.  I'll include a little story with each photo, keep the memories.........not the stuff.   

Hopefully the photo album idea will help others who have treasures that are difficult ot part with.   

The writer who felt basic/baby/care 101 was the most  essential  requirement before having a child was WRONG.  Since each baby is different, what you've learned with one child may not apply to the next.  Just following the rule of keeping baby clean, dry and comfy just about covers all bases.   

The important issue to focus on is to love the child, put the child first.  (no martyrs please!)  If a child feels loved,  feels secure, is encouraged to learn, taught patience and love, (by example is best) .....most likely that child will grow into a confident loving adult, who hopefully will make a good parent themselves.   

The biggest problem is.........so many young adults have not matured enough to take care of themselves.  When they become parents, I really feel sad for the child.  I'd like to see a mandatory maturity test given BEFORE anyone can become a parent.  That would save a lot of children from having rotten memories their entire lives.  

 My parents were totally dysfunctional.  It took years for my brother and I to undo the emotional harm they instilled. (He was in therapy for five years.)  Fortunately  I married a stable, loving, intelligent man who through the years helped me become confident, unafraid, develop self-respect. He taught me to see the good in people.    

(I don't mean to imply that my husband was or acted like a psychiatrist.  He just loved me, showed me patience, taught by example.  I had no idea how to handle anger other than fly into a rage, scream, yell.  How stupid is that.  By his example of calmness, seeking to understand, to talk it out,  I am able to handle disagreements in a calm manner.)  

My mother always boasted to everyone how she embroidered the diapers, and went without food so I would be dressed properly.  She would tell me how she kept me so clean and neat, what  a pretty baby I was..  That I heard all my life and,  and,  how much I owed her.  My mother told me at a young age that I was adopted.  No one wanted me, so she took me, gave me a home.......even though in truth, I was her biological child.  

So it's not diaper skills that make a good parent, it's love and patience, respect and listening.  If all parents had more of that, what a sweeter, kinder world it would be.