Messages By: redfeathers

I'd say this was a very good episode and touched on an important matter. Sure, not all teenage girls are irrisponisble. My best friend got pregnant at 14, which she acknowledged as a bad decision having not used protection, but she has taken the full responsibility of her daughter despite the fact that the father left. Her daughter should be about 5 now, and she is a very cute child.

However, just because she turned out to be a good mother, I don't think it's okay for young girls like her to be having babies, or even having sex. I really hope that girl who wanted to have a child so bad learned from what she saw.

 This will seem a little strange, but I work at a porn shop to start with. I dislike porn, I dislike what it can do to relationhips and the image of women that men have, I dislike the expectations that it makes some men have as well...but I sell it.

If that isn't the defenition of irony, please tell me what it is...

But, to the point of this post.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and two months. When we first started having a sexual relationship, he told me that he didn't look at porn anymore. A few months after that I found out that he lied. He had looked at it while I wasn't home once.

Even though he only looked at it once that I found out about, I got sick to my stomach, and it was hard to breathe. I started to cry on the spot and kept asking him things like "Why? Don't I satisfy you? What's wrong with me? Is there something about my body you don't like?"

He insisted that I do satisfy him, that there isn't anything wrong with me or my body, and that he thinks I'm better looking than the women in the porn he looked at. I asked him if that was true, then why did he need to look at it? For that, he had no answer.

The next day he promised that he wouldn't look at it again, because he hated seeing me sad like that.

We tried an experiment. We went to the shop I work at, he let me chose a DVD myself, be both paid for it, and watched it together. I felt okay, but he was a little frustrated because I was more focused on him than the video.

I thought that since we were able to watch it together, even if I paid more attention to him, that I would be okay if we just watched it together.

But later, I was helping him clean some of his old stuff out of his parents house, he found a couple of DVD's that were his when he was younger. He showed them to me, and I got that same sick, choking feeling as before.

I don't know what to do. I feel like one of those controlling girlfriends that won't let their men do anything, but sometimes I also feel like I'm just afraid of him being untrue. He never has been, he is a trustworthy man, but I'm so afraid that if he looks at porn it might mean that there is something about me that's not good enough.

I'm 20 years old and I still live with my parents while I go to school. My boyfriend has been living with us as well for more than a year. Last November, we almost moved out, and would have if the landlord hadn't pulled something illegal.

Anyway, I'm worried about making rent because, though I love my boyfriend more than anything, he isn't very careful with his money. Before the schedualed move-in date in November, I had to convince him not to buy a new car, because he would have been making about $650 a month, and owing about $700. I was also going to have to front his half of the rent for the first month.

I really want to get out of my parents house, and I really want to have our own place, but I'm worried about whether he'll be able to afford it.

He's not a sex addict, in fact, I like having it more than he does.

I like my job, we sell more than just porn. We have things for couples too. I work there because I get good pay and benefits. It doesn't really affect my dignity. I work there and I enjoy helping couples find things to enhance their sex lives and find special gifts for eachother. I love doing that because I feel like I've helped people get closer together and keep the spark going in their sex lives, aside from that, my co-workers are very cool, laid back people, and the customers are very friendly and often start conversations about anything from tv shows to childhood memories, but if just one person, male or female, comes in and buys something, it's not my business what they do with it afterward. But I can understand how you would suggest not working there, some people have those kinds of feelings toward it.

He is able to climax (sorry for being graphic) without it, and he hasn't said anything about it since then. Maybe I should have been more specific. That's my fault. He's never cheated on me either.

What I was saying was that I'm not afriad of porn or adult products, considering I work around it, I think the problem is more with me worrying about it too much. I don't have a problem with MB, just as long as he isn't doing it to porn. I even asked him and he says he doesn't do it that often, maybe once a week. When he was younger he admits that he did it too much and felt he needed to cut way, way back, and he did. That's why he is a trust worthy person. He got rid of the old DVD's he found, and the friend he gave them to got rid of his as well. I have every reason to trust him, I just can't get past my own initial fear, which I feel is a bit silly knowing that he doesn't have a problem.

I really want to establish that he is NOT a sex addict, he does NOT have an addiction to porn, and he is NOT cheating on me behind my back.

I don't think porn is okay in these situations:

1) When a guy looks at it so much that he expects real women to act, dress, and look like the porn stars that he is addicted to.

2) When a person has no relationships because they are too wrapped up in their porn, shutting out other people and things in their lives.

3) When it takes intimacy from relationships, like in some cases here on the forums.

4) When it's child porn. That reasoning should speak for itself. We do have permission to ask a customer to leave if they ask for anything like that. We don't carry it, we don't condone it, we will never do that.

I do think it's okay when:

1) When a couple likes watching it together, and both parties are okay with it, as long as they can also enjoy sex without it.

2) When a girlfriend/wife is okay with their other watching porn when it's not in excess and when it doesn't badly effect the relationship.

3) When a couple shops for it together and buys it as a special gift for eachother (that goes for any adult product)

My boyfriend does not have a problem with excessive MB. I didn't say he did. I also didn't say he was addicted to sex or porn.

What I am saying is that even though he has been true to his word and has not looked at porn since we did it together, I'm paranoid. I have no reason to be so. He is a good man, he's always been a good man. It makes me feel bad about myself that I'm so paranoid.

I think you're right. I recieved some social security money relating to something that happened to my mom a few years ago (and they just now told us about it...but that's our government...XD) and I have about $2000 in the bank now. Last night he asked me if I could front him $250 for a payment on a charger!

He has 2 jobs, he makes money, and both jobs are ones that yield tips. He should have at least $250.

Sometimes I wonder where the money goes, and when I ask him about it, he tells me not to worry and that he'll be okay.

He almost did get a new car a few months ago, but the loan was withdrawn by the bank and he got his downpayment of $600 back to his credit. He spent $400 of it on a PS3.

I love him very much and I have no intention of leaving him at all, I'm just very concerned about future financial situations.

I don't want to give him the money, because I have a feeling it would be counter-productive in this situation, but it's a car that he can fix up and his father wants to turn that into a father/son project. Both of them are really excited about it, and he may not be able to get the car if I don't give him the money. I'd feel guilty, like I was taking that opportunity away from he and his father, but I don't think it would be the best idea to give in to him.

We don't sleep around. I'm not worried about that. We both think that sleeping around and open relationships aren't a good idea. Not for us. Some people do it, I don't really understand why, but it's not really my choice.

The videos that I saw of his were old ones that he used to have when he was younger, and he did get rid of them, which made me feel better knowing they weren't there anymore, even as a temptation. But you're right, I wasn't okay with it.

I'm okay watching it with him, because we pay more attention to eachother and he even pointed out things that he wanted me to do, like dancing to entice him. That's a feasable request. Nothing bad there. But it was a DVD that I had selected myself that we both paid for.  

I see what you're saying, and I agree that jealousy really isn't the right word for it...but I can't really think of a word that fits better. *goes to look at a thesaurus* Hm, discontent? Would that be better?

Actually no, I don't think it's unrealistic to not expect him to do it on his own, because he knows it makes me feel upset. I don't have a problem with him MB, as long as he is not doing it to porn. I know that men do need to MB, because their bodies are always making sperm and their body realases sperm on it's own anyway, but they don't need porn. It's normal and healthy to MB for both men and women, that's not what I have a problem with. To be rather personal, we both do it, but I've never done it to porn, and I don't feel I need to.

What I'm trying to work out for myself is WHY I'm so paranoid when I know I don't need to be.

And it's cool, I figured that was a typo. ;)

This is a concern of mine that doesn't carry the same severity as some cases, but it's still bothering me a little.

When my sister and I were younger, my mother had an extremely short fuse and would yell at us for the slightest thing. Putting the meat in the wrong spot of the fridge, not vacuuming the floor right, etc. And I don't mean middle-volume shouts, she would yell at the top of her lungs at us. One time I came home with a D on my report card due to a mistake on the transcript, the teacher had said it was a mistake and she couldn't fix it in time, but my mother wouldn't believe me and yelled at me to the point that I found mysellf cowering in a ball on the couch while she stood over me. Sometimes she even went so far as to slap us across the face and more than once I'd been pinned to a wall. My sister went through councelling while still in grade school.

I'm 20 years old now, and she doesn't yell at my sister and I that way anymore, and physical part of it doesn't happen anymore either. She still has a temper, and has threatened to kick me out more than once as well, but then the next day she will be totally different and act like nothing happened. She'll be sweet and nice and have long conversations with me and say "I love you!" whenever she hangs up the phone after calling me.

Whenever she says this, I find it hard to say it back because my feelings toward my mother are mixed. She said she loved me, but her temper suggested otherwise. She was unbalanced when it came to showing love and showing dicipline, which was over-the-top at best, and she still is to a degree.

I see in myself the effects it had on my attitude. My boyfriend has told me that I have the same kind of short temper as my mother, and I'm quick to anger in some subjects. Being as angry as my mother is the last thing I want to happen, because I wouldn't want any future kids of mine to be subject to the same kind of treatment, aside from that, I don't want to risk anything bad happening in our relationship because of my own anger.

I see friends of mine and their relationships with their mothers, and how they do special things for them on Mother's Day and whatnot. Whenever Mother's Day comes around, I feel akward because I don't have that same motivation to thank my mother for being my mother, and I feel guilty. I want to have that same kind of relationship that I see my friends have with their mothers, but because of the way I grew up, I just don't know how.

Whenever she