Messages By: redfeathers

Well, I don't want to jump straight to professional help just yet, but I agree with you on the matter that I may be repeating what I know. I've spent a lot of time around my boyfriend's family and him, and I think they have helped calm my own temper in some way. His parents and brother are very calm, laid back people and he is too. I've been trying to follow their example lately instead of jumping into anger right away.

Sometimes when he does something that angers me, like goes to his friend's house and tells me he'll be back at a certain time and doesn't come back until very late because they get caught up in video games, I get both very worried and angry, but when he comes back, the anger just falls away and we're able to talk instead of argue. So in a way, he's been like therapy for me.

I want to be able to talk to my mom about the subject before taking the step to therapy. Would it be a rash idea to approach her about my feelings on my own?

I do not believe that homosexuality is a sin. At all.

I have gay friends, and they are no different from straights. They are looking for the same thing straights are, and that is to fall in love, or have sex as much as  possible, and they look for it in the same sex instead of the opposite.

Aside from that, I've seen horrible acts of violence carried out against gay people by others who claim to be people of God. Murder (Laramie Project was based on real events), bigotry, (my friend was kicked out of his house because a gay friend of his picked him up to go to the mall), hatred, ( a gay friend of mine was excommunicated when he asked his pastor for help).

The worst I've heard of was the "Westboro Baptist Church." The real Baptist Church has nothing to do with these people, and I don't blame them either.

The Wesboro Baptist Church runs webistes such as "God Hates Fags.com" and they actually picketed at Heath Ledger's funeral because he was in Brokeback Mountain, saying that he is "serving his eternal punishment in hell."

I'm not Christian, but I don't beleive for one moment that the Christian God would support that kind of hatred.

All I have to say is that I don't think being your true self is wrong in the eyes of any God. Don't lie to yourself and don't lie to your husband and don't lie to your kids.

Like I said, I'm not Christian, but I don't believe God promotes the hatred of someone just because they are gay, and I don't think being gay is a choice. You can't just switch on and off your sexual preference. I didn't chose to be straight, I was born that way, I've always been straight, I've never considered not being straight because I know that's not me. I believe it's the same for homosexuals. It's sexual orientation. If straights are born that way, then why would it be any different for gays?

I can see though, how this would be hard for you. If you feel like you married him only because you were pregnant, then I think you married him for the wrong reason. You married him because of the baby, not out of love. My sister got pregnant before she was married, and the man who impregnated her asked her if she wanted to get married because of it, and she refused, because she knew she wouldn't be marrying him for love.

How old are your children? You said they are teenagers, are they closer to legal adult age? Or are they closer to the 13-16 sort of age? If you do split with your husband, you children should be old enough to understand what divorce is and they would be able to chose who they wanted to live with if you had joint custody.

Her husband needs to know. If this is the second time that she has decieved him, then he deserves to know so he can get out. Honestly, if I were him, I would leave.

On the subject of your sister acting like this, how do you know that she hasn't done this more than just what you heard of and saw? You sister may have been this different person for longer than you thought.

I think you should tell her husband what you saw, and maybe both he and you can try to talk to her about it. A mini-intervention if you will. He can tell her his feelings, and you can give her yours. If he doesn't have a medical diagnosis of bipolar disorder, or of having had a stroke, then I wouldn't jump to any medical conclusions, but even if he is bipolar, that's no excuse for her to be cheating on him.

I don't know any personally, but it's possible for men to have eating disorders too. In fact, the consensus of anorexics in...(trying to remember....) I believe it was 2002, I could be mistaken, turned up a larger percentage of men than women.

When I saw the commercial for this episode, I was really scared for this woman. To be honest, I'm surprised she's not dead, or in the hospital, dying. To some of us it may seem rediculous that she is afriad of Dr. Phil thinking she's fat, but if she's that severe of an anorexic and bulimic, then she doesn't really see that she's wrong about it.

I feel sad for her too, because she's probably never going to be able to have kids. Even if Dr. Phil does save her, I think it's too late to save the possibility of children. My aunt had a friend who was anorexic, and she got help and recovered, but unfortunately the result was that she ended up sterile and can't have kids anymore. 

I really do hope Dr. Phil can help her. It's truely sad to see someone so far into an eating disorder like that.

I agree with you sir, on your post. Being gay is not a choice. If being straight isn't a choice, then why would being gay be a choice?

I feel for your brother-in-law. That's so sad that he would feel so out-of-place and like he was supposed to be something he's not that he would try to kill himself. I would much rather hear him say "I'm gay, and I'm not going to try to make myself be something I'm not," then try to take his own life.

I know the bible also says "Come as you are before God, he loves his children all the same."

What I think is interesting is the different views that some Christians have from other religions and countries on homosexuality. The Christian Europeans believed that homosexuality is sin and that it's a hell-worthy slight against god, while the Japanese believed it was a rare and beautiful thing, and even exaulted it and those who were. Being gay was a respected thing to the Japanese.

These are two conflicting views of people in different countries. You can't tell me that since being gay is a sin, every man, woman, or child that ever bowed in respect to a gay person is burning forever in a place of pain and torment. I'm sorry, but that's just bigotry.

I wouldn't just step back and expect her to wake up and realize her mistakes one morning. Things like that just don't happen. Hell, when my high school sweetheart started fraturnizing with 8 other girls, and trust me, that's not all he did (or said) to me either. I went home crying one night because he had made me a promise that he would do something for me in exchange for something else, but didn't keep that promise. I had given him what he wanted (it wasn't sex, but it was sexual) and when it came time for him to hold up his, he told me that he would rather just go home and sleep. I felt used and hurt. I felt worse than a whore because I hadn't gotten anything for it, and even prostitutes get money. I didn't expect him to just turn around and say "Well, I did something wrong, guess I'll stop now." No, it's taken him almost two years to realize how bad he hurt me, and now it's too late because I'm with someone else and I'm not looking back.

As long as your sister keeps doing this, with what she may think has no consequences, she's not going to see the error of her ways. If you want to stay out of it, I think you at least should tell her husband and be there with him should he react badly. He deserves to know what's happening and be given the opportunity to get out of the marriage, I wouldn't feel like you were doing your sister's "dirty work" persay, I think you would be helping him make a step toward getting out of a deceptive relationship and move on to someone better, and if he does make that decision, then her plan would backfire in her face, because I bet $20 since he didn't leave her last time, she doesn't expect him to leave this time either.