Messages By: grannykay

Karen, I hope you read this message. Get out now. There is no way that man is going to change, and he needs to. I was in a similar situation in my first marriage and I got out luckily before there were kids involved. I had gained weight and my husband told me that I was disgusting and he wanted nothing to do with me. I know how it feels, but not to the extent that you suffer. Your husband, or the man that you married because he certainly does not act like a husband, is a pig. I had so much anger surging through my body as I watched him and heard the way he treated you and your children. You need to get out as soon as possible. If you don't, you will regret it and your children will suffer. Your son will learn this example and do the same thing to his wife, and your daughter will grow up thinking that body image is the only thing that matters and he self esteem will suffer. Get away from that man and do everything that you can to keep him away. I'm sure it will not be easy because he is so controlling that he will probably make it very hard to you legally, but you need to get out. The sooner the better.

Not impossible.  What Karen needs is a husband who loves her no matter what.  I know Karen personally and I won't reveal too much, but she is a wonderful wife to this IDIOT!  She does not deserve his treatment.  She's putting up with it just for the kid's sake, which I feel to be for the wrong reason.  If they grow up to witness this treatment throughout their lives, they too will inherit the disease, which is not fair to them.

 If there are any single, decent, honest, not necessarilty good looking men out there who needs a nurturing wife, she is the one!  Her kids are so well mannered and adorable, it would be hard not to love them.  Even if not your own.  Believe me, there is some lonely man out there that would appreciate the kind of life that she can give.  She needs a rescue!

I felt horrible for Karen too because I am also 3 months into my divorce from my husband of 22 yrs. After finding out my husband had been cheating on me I was so traumatized that I said we had to go to counseling. Luckily we did. I say luckily because the psychiatrist we went to was is a wonderfully caring man who used to be the pastor of a church I attended several yrs ago.  After a couple of sessions together & some testing he began to see us separately. My husband was diagnosed as schizophrenic, ADHD, Depressed & I believe he has some bipolar issues too. Of course I was depressed & had been for years. Finally Like Karen I had someone (not as abruptly as Dr Phil) saying he has some serious problems too. My husband did not straight out call me names. He played mind games. I also realize now I was his caretaker/codependent. I was worn out mentally. I married him at 18 and had my son right away. I didn't know who I was without him. I had isolated my self and didn't talk to anyone about our problems. Everyone thought my husband was a great guy and we had the perfect marriage. I was tied to him in so many ways. He had us on the brink of bankruptcy at one point. Luckily we turned that around before the the big shock. We had our business together. Our son was in college. My family all live 12 hrs away. My mother died many yrs ago so I couldn't run home to mom. I felt stuck and scared to death. I was strong many yrs ago but I was beaten down. I thank god I had the doc to talk to. Some one to finally tell my story to. Some one who had the training and experience to help me come out of the fog. My eyes are wide open now. By being able to talk about it all I realized I didn't want to live like this any more. That I would be better off with out him. He is a Narcissist and didn't get it. The counseling didn't help him but it helped me tremendously. It took five months for me to come to that conclusion and tell him I wanted to separate. He moved out three months ago & I filed for divorce.  It was not easy. He got very mad & quit taking his medication. I have minimum contact with him now and am SO relieved I don't have to see him and put up with his craziness every day now. One day at a time I am finding who I am. I could see that Karen is also beaten down and afraid to go out on her own. She like myself just wanted things to get better. Unfortunately with a Narcissist they don't GET IT and maybe never will. She like Dr Phil said needs individual counseling & time to think through all that she has been through and is going to go through. She need supports from family and friends. It is doable Karen.