Messages By: doridoridori

 Well I need some advice and wonder if anyone can give it. See I have been married going on 17yrs been together since 1989. Long time. I am having just another hard time with the husbands side.This is what is going on right now. On the morning of Feb3rd I kicked my husband out of the house. Asked him to leave and he did so willingly and quickly. Lots of words back and forth not very nice. So as anyone knows this was a big day for all it was SuperBowl Sunday. So he leaves. Upset as I am I decide to just hang around the house with my children. We  have 3. 15 daughter,13 son, 6 daughter. My children are also upset as this is the first time anything like this has happend. We had not been getting along for sometime due to lots of stressers, kids stuff, money and other issues. So anyway later that afternoon my mother in law comes to pick up my son to bring him to her house so he can watch the game with his dad and all of them. No problem. I send him out when she comes as I do not want to engage in any conversation at this time with anyone about anything going on. So she gets out of the car and he comes out and when he gets in the car she asks him if I sent him out and he says no. Well of course I did.. not sure why he said no but he did. So the day goes and around 4:30 I take my youngest over to a neighbors house to watch the game with them and friends and have a few beers while the kids are all playing and we are yelling and hollering watching the game. I see it is half time and I decide time to go and get my little one in bed for the evening she has school in the morning so we leave and I stop over another house where my oldest daughter is with her boyfriend and mother. I go in say hey have another beer talking about the game and she says my daughter can stay here tonight and I will take her to school in the morning. I was like no she is not and she can come home after the game I will come get her or she can walk it is not far. So I leave and put my youngest to bed crack another beer and put the t.v. on and wait for my Son to come home and my daughter. In the mean time I listen to my messages and hear my daughter telling me how she is going to stay over there and she will come get her stuff. It was left earlier in the evening but I was not in because I was a neighbors house like I had told them. So I am upset about this and when she comes home I confront her with it.. She would of never pulled such a stunt if my husband had been here. We get into an argument and I ask her if her Father knows about it and that I think he has a right to know that your already starting crap. So I call him and come to find out she had already talked with him and asked him. His response to her was you would never ask that if I was home no you go home. Well my daughter ended up leaving on me so I called him back and said we got into a fight and you need to come and get her. I am not doing this. So we hang up and a while later I call him back and he tells me we are on our way. So I say what do you mean WE? He said my mother and I. I was like why is your mother with you? I had a few drinks and she would not let me take the truck.. Ok.. so then next thing I know my Mother in Law is at my door with my daughter. I open the door and she comes in the door way pushes the downtstairs door open and watches my daughter go down the stairs and looks at me and says stay away from her the rest of the night. I look back at her with very much anger and say I have no intentions of going near her. But I will tell you one thing I am not dealing with this crap going on in my house. She was like what Crap and I said this crap with her. So she says well stay away from her the rest of the night or I will call the Police on you. at that I start screaming at her to get the @#@$ out of my house. I take her by her arms and make her leave and shut the door. At this point my son wakes up and is horrified and we lock the door. Next thing I know she is back again I open the door (so stupid I wish I had not) and she starts telling my son to get his little sister that she is not leaving these kids here. So at that I start telling her who the hell do you think you are and I try and grab her again to get her out of the house letting her know she is not taking my children anywhere. Next thing I know my husband comes barrell assing threw the door and attacks me saying dont you ever put your hands on my mother and a physical fight occurs they have me pinned up against the wall and my mother in law is screaming wake your sister and at some point we all end up on the ground I think I grabbed her as he was after me so I thought if I am going down so are you. So now she is yelling call the police call the police as my husband and I are fighting and she is in the middle and then my daughter gets into it with us and it finaly stops and I grab the phone from my son who is crying and all upset and call the police. The cops come and talk with my husband and mother in law who at this point are outside in the driveway telling them I am inside intoxicated.. I call my bestfriend an tell her she may have to bail me out because at this point I dont know what is going to happen. I told the woman on the phone at the police that a fight had escolated and I wanted my husband and mother in law removed from my home. Well this is not what happend. I ended up having to leave and stay at my girlfriends for the night and can come back in the morning as I was the aggressor in the fight. My mother in law got a cut on her head that he said she was not going to press charges as I am looking at the cop going you have got to be kidding me. what about me being attacked. so anyway what happend was I got a 51a filed against me for neglect and abuse because my daughter got a huge cut on her arm that I guess came from me in the middle of brawling with my husband and they both stepped into it.. Believe me I am horrified about this whole thing and wish it never happend but in the momment what choice did I have but to deffend myself. So anyway I have been dealing with this since. My husband and I are back together and I have been dealing with DSS and they know I am far from a neglectful parent or an abuser. WE have had a lot of stress in our life for the past 3-4 years and it just built up and without the support from him I could not take anymore. So my mother in law has never heald it against me we have been fine and I aplogized to her for everything that happend that night I also sent a long heartfelt letter to all of his family members to explain what happend an that I was very sorry there mother/ wife got hurt and that I will not be drinking another alcohloic drink in a long time and I will work on my issues. I never meant for any of what took place that night to happen it just broke loose. It is my sister in law and brother in laws that have not spoken to me once since then. My 40 birthday has come and gone not even a phone call from my godson. Not one phone call here to see how I am dealing or how things are. Nothing. So recently my daughter got confirmed and I decided that if they want to have nothing to do with me then they are not welcome in my home. I did not invite them. I sent an invitation by e-mail to my mother in law letting her know what time and where and that I would be having everyone back at my house after. She decided to take it opon herself to forward it to her daughter and other daughter in law. I was not inviting them back to my home so I e-mailed her and told her that I did not send it to them for a reason and that if they wanted to come to the church that was fine but they would not be welcome in my home after. So because of that my mother in law and father in law did not come back to my home either as she told me it is not fair that they are not welcome. OK!! But it is ok to just treat me like I dont exsist an I am supposed to be ok with this? I dont think so. So I am just wondering what and how to deal with it.. Did I do the right thing? Was I wrong? My husban is behind me and I did explain that this is not how family should be, your supposed to support them not treat them like this. Anyone have any comments or thoughts on how to just move forward. I was not the only one involved that night but am the only one who ever gets treated like this. It is not the first time I have taken the full blame for things..                       

I was so sickend by watching this show yesterday. One, what the hell is wrong with Mom? Can you say Major Issues... she says she was afraid of him too. Are you kidding me. Seeing this man do this to your "Two Week Old"  and you do nothing!! The man had an erection over a two week old. Bouncing her on it... Are you kidding me!! I say shame shame on her. She should be put away too. She says she believes her daughter when her daughter says she knows he had done this when she was 3 and 7 yet the mother has stayed with this man to let this continue. I think we are going to find out he had done it to her for longer and more than that. I also do believe he has done it to the grandson. How on earth would a little boy know all he does? And act on it. My God!!  What a sad case. This man needs to be put away for a very long time. I feel very sad for this little boy. His life will be a hard one.  I also wonder what was Mom thinking on ever letting her parents take care of her son and let him sleep there? I just dont get it? Why? Just another very sad sad case out of many in this world. I wish the best of luck to this little boy who is going to need much much help.    

I just can not believe this man.. he sits and says he will see God one day an that Dr. Phil will be there too and then he will know the truth... There is a def mental issue going on with this man.. he sits and grins and claps and sits an preaches about Jesus Christ and how much he loves him... Freak Complete Freak!! He will hopefuly be arrested and charged with the appropriate charges.. God Help us all if this man is not taken off the streets so he will not be able to go and work with the children like he wants too.. I am just so discusted in this person we call a  man... he is a freak and is in need of medical help NOW!! Gradma needs to wake up and smell the coffee and get away from this man and seek help as well. God Bless the child in this story and may he get all the help he needs to know and stop what is going on with him.. He is going to need a lot of help.. God Bless Him!!

I hope Dr. Phil has a follow up show on this . I would like to know what ended up happening when they left... I just have to know.. My heart goes out to the child.. lets hope that the son's daughters have not been touched or then we will see where he stands other than on both sides.. What a sad sad family story..

Hi, Thank You for your support and response. I have waited and waited for someone to respond and then I had not checked in a while so sorry for it taking me so long to get back to you. Well things are the same except now she has stopped e-mailing or asking me how things are with me so I have stopped as well. I am just all set with the games. It seems that is what they do. I just need to get past the anger and have bought a few books about self asteem and anger. I am in the process of reading them now. We will see if it helps. I agree with the responding to her or for the matter anyone else that has anything to do with them. Wich really is only my husband for now. She did call my house for the first time last week for my son and I answered the phone and she was like saying my sons name, I was thinking to myself do I sound like a boy to you?  Anyway I said no and said but would you like to talk to him? So I just handed the phone to him as she was just laughing on the phone... I wanted to throw up..... That is how it makes me feel now I just get sick to my stomach everytime I hear anything about them. I am going to continue on with my life and know that I am a good person who does not deserve this kind of treatment from anyone and I will not put up with it anymore. I have always supported all of them in anything that has gone on in there lives and never have judged them but they seem to not be that way so I finaly have got it. I know I have to just move on and try and get past the hurts I have felt threw all of this. I am on my way but It will take time and therapy I think to get threw it all. But thank you so much for your response it has meant a lot to me.. reply when you can and I will check more often now... Thanks Again..            

Hi Again,  sorry I have so much more to say but got interupted by a phone call so let me say that I have another big thing coming up and I am unsure of what I should do but let me tell you what I have said I am going to do. My daughter is turning 16 and I do not want to have anything at my house so I thought I would just go out to a resteraunt where it is neutral grounds for everyone and that way I would not feel so unconfortable in my own house if the other side comes? I have told my husband that I would like to do it this way. I did not say to him they were invited but do you think that is a good idea? They all did end up coming to the church for my daughters Confirmation after they said they were not even going to do that but my husband told them they would be disrespecting him and my daughter if they did not do that. So they all did show up... I was very nervous but made it threw it. I just walked by them all and went outside while my daughter and husband stopped and talked to them all.  It just really hurts me so much to think this is how it is. I just dont get it? Why blame only me for what took place that night? I was not the only one who was involved. I only did what I had to when I was attacked and they all stopped talking to me.? Like I have said it is not the first time I took the fall for things. We had a huge fight a couple years ago and we all did not talk for over a year including my husband and them.. only if they had too.. I told them all off  then though. Believe me they deserved it.. they were treating my husband and my children and myself of course horrible over a fight that took place between my brother in law and my husband wich started out between us and my brother in laws girlfriend at the time. It got so blown out it was rediculous.. It took me a very long time to get over that one and to be honest I have never really gotten over it, but did it for my husband but now this and I just can not do it anymore. .. This is what I get I guess.  They are so small minded and to boot they dont even know what took place apperently? Meaning my brother in laws and sister in law.. they were not here when it all went down. I guess I am just hurt because I wrote them a huge letter apologizing for what took place and that I was so very sorry and never got a response from anyone of them and not even a call to say how are you doing is there anything we can do to help? Nothing and that just is not right to me.. Wouldnt you think that you would reach out to a family memeber going threw all this.. I told them that things had been so bad here for so long it just was aweful and the stress of everything we had gone threw was just taking over my life and I could not deal with it all anymore and everthing just blew up over time and they just shut me out.. What is that? We have had a lot to deal with over the last couple of years and they know this and they still choose to not understand? I understand there mother got hurt that night but so did I so did my daughter so did my husband but I got the blunt of it and took the fall I could of had my husband arrested if I really wanted to that night. He attacked me. I only did what I had too. Yes I put my hands on his mother but that was to get  her out of my house.. not to hurt her. I dont know? I just have so many Whys? Anyway get back when you can and I will talk soon..             

First off what do you mean they sided with the rapist? I am just outraged at this and I am so sorry that you are going threw it with your own family. I am going threw my own hell of stuff too... but this is outragious. I wish I had something good to say to you but with family like that who needs enemies. I would just let them be and move on with your own life and try to get as much help you can for what took place with you back then and understand that it was not your fault and they should all be ashamed of themselves and for your Mother and Father to tell you you should of just kept your mouth shut... Are you kidding me???  They need help. You never should of kept your mouth shut from Day 1 but you did for your Aunt. Now look what that has gotten you.. You dont need people like that, even though it is your own family move on and get some counceling for it and see if it will help. I know it is very hard to let go but that is not the response I would of thought you would get with something like that. They should all be ashamed and maybe someday they will see the pain they have caused you and realize that you had held onto this for many years and it was bound to explode sooner or later. I am sorry for your pain and for having family like them. Good Luck and God Bless

Get a leagal seperation and see how fast he acts then.. Screw that.. Dont stay and wait!! You need help now. If he touches you or hurts you in anyway, threating or other wise call the police. You have children who need you. That comes first and if he does not have a good enough reason for not coming home by now to be honest with you. I would file for divorse. He is living the life isint he.. ACT now NOT  later.

I would like to know what is the Meaning of Family? I know that I am a part of a Family but not sure if I am expecting to much from some of my extended Family Members? Sister in laws, Brother in laws? Anyone want to take a shot at it?